Talk:Sweet May/@comment-25524353-20150204104608

Ok to start off, I LOVE this Idea. but then we run into the problems. The "game is comunicating with the player" Cliche,I find it works a tad more here,but it kinda failed at the end where you  brought Dawn into it. Then it just turned into "Pokemon,the Soap opera." and this was creepy......for the wrong reasons. the Mc Sexual (I think?) attraction to may? you have to build stuff like this up over time,or it just turns peoplw off in a sense.

And also,at the end with May just Vanishing from everything,Just.....im sorry but that breaks the immrsion and is overall unrelistic. but with proper Build up,and if you can Make May Vanish from the game Only,I think that'd be better.

That's about it, 5/10

(Also sorry for the spelling mistakes)