Talk:Don't Read My Diary/@comment-11079349-20131125021719

So ... I don't even know what to think of this creepypasta. the beginning was fairly cliche, besides how the game was gotten, and the middle had it's fair share, but the end ... that was different. now i can't say the cliches that were everywhere in this story killed it, but they took a lot out of it. the biggest cliche was the use of the number 66, which is an obvious reference to 666. the thing is that satan can't be used to add horror. here is my list of good and bad things.

1. 66 or 666 doesnt matter at all. these are over used and really take away from the story.

2. "I couldn't stop playing." is also pretty overused. I understand that the way it was used here is a bit more original, but it just makes the reader feel a little more disconnected from the main character when he passes through five chapters at once. I can play paper mario for hours on end, but the only way he could have played that much would have been to start in early morning, or to rush through without doing any sort of grinding.

3. It was kind of obvious that the ghost was going to be the antagonists, but i didnt realize that the devil wasn't portayed as the ghost, and was, instead, mario.

4. The ghost was rather ignorant. i know he was a ghost, but when the game itself didnt give a choice, i would have forgiven the person ... then again, the player didnt just turn off the console when it gave him the option of yes and yes, so maybe he deserved it.

5. "throbbing with blood" is up there with "Throbbing noises" in the odd things I've read. so try not to do that.

6. the whispering was over used. a game constantly telling you something is not something you ignore, and its also something you turn off the game and bury it in the back yard for. let me just say that if a game was constantly speaking to me via undertone messages, i would take that game out and smash it into a million pieces, especially since my parents didnt have to pay anything for it.

so, altogether, i give the a 5/10, but that's because it isnt a five but i don't honestly know whether to put it up above it or down below it. You have talent, but only sections of this creepypasta prove it.