Talk:Collect for Christ/@comment-24082398-20150829202048

Whoa.

Good: I think that this pasta was an excellent one in nearly every aspect! Word choice was fluid, the protagonist was relatable, and the twist... oh man, that twist, unf. Grammar problems weren't there at all, and if they were, they must've been so small that Grammar Nazi Selto couldn't see them. Spelling was top-notch, and the story didn't drag on. It was short, and I really enjoy when the stories I read are the shorter ones more than the ones that take multiple sittings to digest. There was a lot of hint to the twist, and it made me "A-ha!" when it was revealed and I saw all the details pointing out. Even then, I didn't see it coming at all!

Bad: It pains me to say this, but a little bit of the story didn't sit too well with me. First off, the creepiness. Sure, there was a tiny bit of unease because why would someone want to collect crosses? But ultimately the twist made the story a bit more humorous than it was probably intended. Well, at least, I saw it as humorous... Another issue was the swearing. I like swearing and I like swearing in stories, as you could probably tell, but I think this one was a bit clumsy on the swearing. Maybe two or three would be fine but "fuckwit" and "like a fucking obsession" kindaa crossed the line. Fuckwit has a purpose, but I wouldn't say "like a fucking obsession" to a person I just met. This is probably just me nitpicking, though, sorry!

Overall, this story gains a 7.5/10 from me. This was a wonderfully dark story with a humorous twist at the end--in my eyes, again--that missed the mark on the creepiness factor. If it were creepier, and if it scared me, it would definitely get a higher score. Keep at it! This was an excellent read!