Talk:Play Fair/@comment-25021327-20140624005616

Okay, I had a very hard time following exactly what was going on here. I feel like I know the major plot elements though... I think.

First off, I felt like the pacing was sort of all over the place, especially with switching from a narrative style, to a journal entry style. It feels like it is very descriptive of some things, and rushes other parts almost to the point that it feels things are getting skipped over. It makes jumps from sort of weird events, to total suspension of disbelief, like time travel and digitizing a human being's brain (Soul?) without much build up, and feels a bit jarring.



I think you have a somewhat intricate narrative that you are trying to tell, but I was having a bit of trouble  keeping up with all the details, and with the characters. Things seemed to happen almost at random, and people's motivations were hard for me to pick up on. Some more nitpicky things for me were that Whenever you mentioned John Reily, all I could picture was John C. Reilly, but that's just a silly thing I was doing. A bit of advice I will give is that maybe during the Journal entries, use one font, or color for the actual journal text, and another for the narrator's input, I think that might make it read a bit easier than just using parathesis. Sorry if this sounds like I'm just bashing your work, i don't wan tto come across like that.

I feel lke you put a lot of time and effort into this, and went to the trouble of reformatting it which is nice. I feel like it might need a bit of work, but I think you should continue writing, and reading creepypastas :)