Talk:I'll Never Be the Same/@comment-5510753-20140113082233

Please don't take offense to this - I just want to help improve your writing :P

Cons

1. Watch your ellipsis use. I once wrote a story with repetitive ellipsis use, and it was horrible. In some places it's totally appropriate, others, it isn't. A few examples: 2. Chat language. This probably doesn't make much sense, but watch for tildes. They're not the best thing to use in writing, unless displayed via text/chatroom/etc. This was displayed here: 3. Lengthen sentences. As a writer myself, I know this can be a difficult task - but unless used for emphasis, sentences shouldn't be really short - you have a few in here, and I'm not going to give examples c: Although, some sentences can be combined!
 * "I used to be in that slot… So I strike out at it." That works
 * "Okay, it’s beginning to hurt… Where am I… No…. Ahh… AAH! It huurts! Whyyy?!" You could use dashes
 * "Was he making sure… I stayed alive?" No need for it there.
 * “I’m afraid you’ve been replaced~” It laughs at me.

Pros

1. One thing you've done extremely well is detail. Spot on. Couldn'tve done it better myself (actually, I would've done a lot worse!)

2. Emotional. Enough said. It's not heartbreaking to the point of tears, for me, but it opens up  a new portal to show us about the other side of the Pokemon world.

3. I'm putting this as a separate point because I loved it so much. "All I know is that my rear legs hurt like the flames of Hell got onto them" THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL THANK YOUUUU

Asides from all that, it was really well written! Great job overall!