Talk:The Road Not Taken/@comment-17737991-20150228174354

Alright, review time! Sorry it took me so long ^^'

So as I said, some wordings confuse me.

"My name is Marvin and since 5, I enjoyed playing Mario Kart"

I take this to mean Marvin has been a Mario kart fan since age five.

"Since the introduction of Mario Kart DS in 2005, I've played every Mario Kart game conceived"

So… does this mean Marvin's first Mario Kart game was Mario Kart DS in 2005? And, if that was his first Mario Kart, and he's played them since he was five… being that it's now 2015, Marvin would be about ten years old. But then…

"which always gave me the shivers when I was a kid"

When he was a kid? So he's not 10 anymore? I'm really confused about his age, and 2005, and starting the series as a five year old. Either I'm misunderstanding something or this story has inconsistencies.

"the one that I had a bond to was Mario Kart 7.

Yes. Mario Kart 7."

The second line makes it seem like you expect the reader to go "Mario Kart 7, really?". Why would the reader question it though? Unless Mario Kart 7 is a blacksheep in the series or something and I didn't know.

"It was just available to the 3DS"

What do you mean "just"? Do you mean it's exclusively available on the 3DS, or do you mean it recently got released on the 3DS? Or both, perhaps?

"It wasn't me, it was fully aut

omatic."

There's a line break in the middle of the word, which is a problem. But what I want to ask is what exactly was automatic? Koopa looking back, or all of it, the driving and everything?

I also have to question the protagonist… he's been knocked out, and instead of finding a phone to call for help he… plays Mario Kart? Wut .-. He could have a concussion or something and his parents are unnervingly absent, despite the bookshelf being back in its place. Yet he decides "This seems like a great time to play video games". Priorities, ftw.

And that's my mountain of nitpicks. The actual plot isn't bad, though I was personally bored as it just detailed a bunch of glitches/strange happenings that didn't interest me. But, that's just me. I do like the ending though, when he woke up in the hospital. Marvin firmly believes the events happened, but to me it seems like it was just a weird dream he had when he got knocked out. Who knows what exactly happened, and that's why the ending is good, imo ^^

Also, I can Photoshop some of those pictures for you if you want, to match how they're decribed in your story. And I'd actually photoshop them well. There will be no solid coloured pixelated bluds from me :p