Talk:Metroid: Mother?/@comment-25129966-20140712053207

This was a really good read, definitely CPotM material. There are a lot of good descriptions but I think what sells it well is the pictures. They aren't quite "Godzilla" quality in terms of sprite art but they give credit to the story.

I think Metroid both helps and hurts the tone of the story. Metroid is already sort of creepy so in essence it lends itself well to the story, but because of how creepy it is it takes away the impact it could have. Though things like Pokemon, Sonic and Mario are overdone, when things are creepy in them, it hits harder. I think Metroid lends itself better to more of a theorypasta than story accounts. It's a hard line to tread but I think you got it with this, so good job.

One thing I agree with other people is the ending. I think you had a good idea but how it was used was especially jarring. Looking over it, I just think it has a severe lack of build-up, foreshadowing or purpose to the story. As it is right now, it's almost better cut. It really does stick out like a sort thumb. But if you wanted to do some major rehaul to it, here is my suggestion:

Rather than having there as a resolution, make it a catalyst. Perhaps the protagonist had an abortion well before the game (maybe not even out of rape, just a "I don't want to have a baby" and I was too lazy to use protection) then the whole embryo/fetus thing be haunting her throughout the game. It starts of subtle and as you get near the end, it becomes more obvious 'that' is what is happening. It makes it more human and -far- darker, which might aid in the creeps department.

I'd say 8/10 right now, but could easily be 10/10 if work was done to it.