Talk:Blood: The Nightmare/@comment-4332975-20130420194458

Well, you were doing pretty good with weaving history into the story. I even did a bit of fact checking to see if the game existed and was how you said. So far so good. However, the claim of the game being "unmoddable" due to the source code being unreleased seems to be a major plot point...and it doesn't hold up. In the first place, a quick Google search turned up this site, this site, and this site, with several modifications for the game. Right there is enough to catapult the story from "strange happenings" to "paranoid parrot" territory. However, the bigger issue is that an absence of the source code simply wouldn't be as big an obstacle to modding as you're making it out to be. For instance, take Minecraft, which has a very active modding community despite the source not just being unreleased, but actually actively obfuscated by the developers.

Of course, that's just one issue. Looking at it as a whole... Well, the first thing I notice is that there are a lot of mistakes, like using the wrong word, not punctuating correctly, or some missed capitalization. They would be minor individually, put since it's such a long piece, it could use more proofreading and revision to bring it above the level where it's distracting. Also, the formatting is a bit of a mess. Most paragraphs have too much space between them, and others have none. Indentation is inconsistent too (though my general opinion is that indentation isn't necessary in creepypastas, and usually looks a bit awkward, anyway).

As to content, it wasn't too bad. I've seen the different elements before, but they were put together in a reasonably different way. Yes, there was some gore and depictions of real-world violence, but it didn't feel like you were putting too much emphasis on it and I wouldn't say it was excessively clichéd. It was a bit clichéd, no doubt, but the reason these elements become cliché in the first place is due to their being effective ways to tell certain kinds of stories (at least at first), so I won't hold that too much against you. My main problem, though, is that while you have a strong start, things seem to peter out toward the end. The writing seems a bit less detailed and there are more mistakes as you go on. Ideally, the quality should be up all the way through, but if you have to make one part worse, never make it the end, as that's the part that sticks with people.