Talk:Sweet May/@comment-25021327-20141026133105

This wasn't too bad, better than a lot of other 'first pastas' I've read. The story isn't too grounbreakingly original, and it seems to be fairly common in Pokémon stories; the player likes a character/Pokémon, and that character/Pokémon becomes an obsessive and jealous friend or lover. Most stories of this type follow a standard plot, and simply have different characters, and game phenomena.

But, as I stated, I don't really think this is a bad story, and I'm sure fans of the Pokémon franchise will get some enjoyment out of it. The style and pacing is fairly consistent, and having May be kind of erased from existence after the strange event could be an interesting concept.

The main complaints from me are that I've read a few stories like this before, and the grammar could use some work. I went through and fixed a bunch of typos and grammar issues already, but in future stories I'd suggest you go and check the writing out before posting. The main issue was that very few of the sentences here began with a capital letter. That may seem like a nitpick, but I foun it istracting while reading.