Talk:An Innocent Soul/@comment-11079349-20131211153207

alright, first pasta isnt an excuse, and this is not that great. It was good in concept, but the buildup and the end just dashed my hopes. you could have played this in several different ways, and the eternal immortal suffering would have worked, but you lacked the build up for such a thing.

I can see you went out of your way to avoid most cliches, but avoiding them doesn't mean it's automatically a good pasta, it just means you might have a mediocre one. When you can use a cliche in a good way and avoid overusing it is what marks a good creepypasta.

Spelling errors are minimal, but the run on sentences need to be cut off. I feel sort of like a teacher when I say this, but you need to take writing classes if you think half of those sentences have proper grammar. I see it all the time in other pastas, so I'll cut you some slack, but you really need to work on that. As for my final rating, the concept could have been 6/10, hell, it could have been 9/10 if you really did well with it, but the execution leaves it at a lowly 3/10. keep trying and you'll get it right at some point.

after thought: the only problem I have with this is that it portrays death as evil, but he isn't, he is just the force of death. He is the ferry to the afterlife in most religions. He was portrayed as menacing only by his job, but what would become of the stagnant souls without him there to guide them? I'll leave the answer to that question up to the reader. Also, this isnt to say that death can't be used as the villain, it's just something I thought to bring up.