Talk:Our Camping experience/@comment-24540056-20140825211005

Sifenchar's Critique

The overall structure is kind of messy, although I do appreciate your faith to paragraphing, unlike other pastas I've critiqued. Minor spelling and grammar errors, but there were only seldom ones that distracted me from the story. The storyline was... Mediocre. The premise is cliche. It's just another one of those 'teens go explore a haunted place for thrills' plot, just with a new coat of paint to make it look original. And let me be honest, the voodoo doll concept was, again, average. But there was a bit of potential with that plot element. Voodoo, while seemingly done to death, was sort of fresh. From what I've seen, it hasn't been done too often. But the concept was never executed well, or at all. We don't know who was recording the kids sleeping, and that's only intimidating at best. The ending is also pretty vague. They were drawn back to the camp? Could do nothing but stare at the scene, which... Unless they were already at the site again, the only 'scene' was the camcorder. Of them sleeping. And how could that drive them to madness? But lets say it is as scary as you portray it to be. WHY IN THE HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK WOULD THEY GO BACK TO THE SAME PLACE THAT DROVE THEM MAD IN THE FIRST PLACE?

It's cliche, the horror isn't very good, and the story isn't very solid.

3/10.