Talk:Shy Guy/@comment-24747574-20140703100018

Alrighty. Ok, now before I begin, let me tell you that this is intended as constructive critique and not bashing.

1. You kind of grassed up almost any clichee out there -  game if for free on ebay, static (though TVs go into black screen if a console is plugged out, at least normally), a friend who is the kind of likeable dick who you are still friends with because he has one good side on him, game self-destruction, impossible levels which don't make any sense etc. This makes a pasta indistinguishable from a dozen others in this regard, which is bad, since every story wants to be unique unless it belongs to a series.

2. It is a little difficult to believe that a 15-yo would talk and act like this. I don't remember thinking about stalkers or pedophiles on my way home. Or rejecting the thought of a hot 27-yo. Or keep playing a game I just got and didn't even cared that much for (you stated, that you didnt want it anymore after getting megamen anyways) after feeling set on fire.

3. Some stuff being pretty unrealistic in a non-fantastic or creepy way. The NES bursting into flames...one could roll with it, saying it may have been prepped before that it combusts after reaching a certain temperature due to heating up while playing, but not after you telling us that you played for days with your friend on it already. And "To test if this works, we played through the whole game" - have you ever played through a whole megamen game just like this? Why had your friend 17 games, but apparently no NES so you could play them before? How do you pinpoint GameCube graphics?

All in one it is your first and therefore such issues are ok. Try to work on them in your next pasta. Even if this one probably wont be the creepypasta of the month, you still should keep on writing and improving yourself.