Talk:The City/@comment-8470110-20151026200816

There's definitely lots of potential here. However, there are a few things holding it back.

The ritual is simple and that's good, as having too many steps may confuse the reader. However, this also hinders the impact of the ritual. Perhaps if there was more at stake when it comes to performing it (setbacks if it's interupted, consequences for not following it step by step exactly), there'd be more tension to the story and that's what this kind of story needs; it needs that tension to draw the reader in and peak their interest. The length also seems to be a double-edged sword. While it's good to keep the ritual easy to follow and short, it has to be fleshed out enough so the reader knows exactly what they need, how to do it and what they're putting at stake. It may be hard to do so without falling into a cliche pitfall but I have confidence that you can do it.

There are some basic grammatical and spelling errors such as inappropriate capitalization or lack thereof and some spelling errors such as "authority's" (authorities). Make sure to look out for those and make the proper changes.

All in all, this story does have potential. It has an interesting concept and simple enough setup so anyone wanting to perform this can do so. However, with the lack of description in the ritual itself, its consequences and steps, as well as some minor editing mistakes (spelling and grammar), it does need some TLC to get to the level it can. I'm confident you can do so but if you do need help, contact either myself, another Admin or another New User Advisor. Best of luck to you and welcome to the site!

Rating: 5.5/10

-Sshakenbakee (Head New User Advisor)