Talk:Burn in Violet/@comment-7706473-20131031053814

I'm not sure why I'm doing this but... Eh, Halloween. I don't need a reason. Feel fortunate, wahahaha!

... Let's start with the beginning. You don't really need an author's notes - we're all (mostly?) fans of SoG here; it is in the wiki title, after all! Secondarily, you'll want to add categories. GENERALLY categories will auto-complete, and if they do then they're bonafide. Safe bets are Creepypasta, Creepypastas, Video Games. There is some debate about using the series title (Touhou), so I'd use just the first three for now. If someone asks you to change them, listen! Their advice is meant to help you, and make life easier for us.

Moving on to the story - You mention that you and your friend Violet were excellent friends, and shared a lot of interests - Video games, television, Japanese culture. What video games? What show? What parts of Japanese culture? A specific anime, a favorite manga? Hanafuda? Give us details - tell us that you and Violet spent time together after class trying to get interest in a Japanese language club, but - this being middle school - ended up just walking home together and talking about how much you wish your school had one.

I'm bemused - happy, actually - that someone else plays the Anex86 games. I don't care how badly that damages my reputation, ahaha... I really like LLS. Maybe that's part of the reason I'm writing this. It could also be the vodka talking. Auspicious. You spend a lot of time telling us about how the game diverges - but not many people know of the graphics of the Anex86 games, and those that do might not necessarily feel fright at them.

This is a middle-school girl, right? Any games she makes - from scratch, or using cannibalized resources - are going to be pretty spartan. Maintain that sense of weirdness. At the end, the narrator seems horrified Y̶u̶u̶k̶a̶ ̶l̶o̶s̶t that their friend put them through such a 'horrific' game.

... But it isn't more horrific that such a 'good' friend didn't notice that someone they knew was in such deep trouble? That such a 'good' friend only noticed after something bad happened? That a 'good' friend resented their friend and left them to a fate in the uncaring hospital system?..

Clean up the formatting - take a look at a few other pages to get an idea of how things should be. Create some more tension, and decide on what you want to be the scare factor - give us a reason to care. And for what it's worth, although I can't praise the story as it stands now, this made me feel introspective - thank you for that. I hope you refine your work further.