Talk:The Long Night of New Year's 2015/@comment-6794436-20150102011831

Well... that escalated quickly.

I'll start off with the good of this pasta. For one thing, your grammar is impeccable, same goes for your descriptions and writing in general. The plot is a bit unnerving, and the premise is decent, albeit a bit unrealistic, which I'll get to later. It's buildup was great for a long while, and it didn't make me lose interest at any point in time.

Now, for the bad. There are a few fatal flaws that somewhat ruin the story for me. One flaw this story has is the strangely specific dates and times. It ruins the immersion when somebody is reading and they find that the narrator knows the exact date and year of an event occuring. For example, you remember meeting your friend on October 31st, 2009, which is strange for someone to remember. Hell, I can't even remember the date that I moved away from my lifelong home, which was a life changing experience, but the narrator can remember the day they met their friend? One more example of this is when you remember the year you had a strange dream, and also remember the exact details of said dream, it just doesn't add up.

Another gripe I have with this pasta is the pointless details added in, such as when you described what you and Daniel were talking about. You could have easily shortened that part and made it more precise by saying, "Daniel and I talked about Marvel films and such" or something along those lines, instead of spending a paragraph on information that adds nothing to the story.

One final problem I have with the story is the abrupt shift of the story. One moment it's a couple friends having some fun, the next it's the feeling of talons scratching into your skull, and soon after there's a face staring at you! It is just too abrupt and ruins the buildup heading into the creepiness, somewhat ruining the scares.

Verdict: 6.5/10- This pasta was impeccable from a grammar standpoint, same thing with a writing capability standpoint, but the creepiness falls flat from the ruined immersion, abruptness, and uneccessary details.

-Incorrect3