Thread:Sshakenbakee/@comment-24540056-20140212211322

I'd like you to look over and critique my creepypasta. It's my first one, but for a first, I think it's pretty damn good. Could you check it out for me?

http://someordinarygamers.wikia.com/wiki/Trapped_in_the_Rift_%28Pasta_1_of_3_in_the_%27Rift%27_series%29 