Talk:The Creature Within My Games/@comment-5757488-20140502200922

There was definitely something good here. There's something disconcerting about the story, and the lyrics of the siren song really excel at creating that. There strong, creepy, and really stick in your head.

That being said, the rest of the pasta does leave a lot to be desired. The writing, while not bad, is a little sparse in places, although that's just my personal view, and I'm sure some people would find this style refreshing.

The other main problem is the characters. They seem to behave more like plot devices than people, especially in the scene in the bar, when his friend just happens to have casual knowledge of sirens and their effects. This kind of takes away from the pasta, and so some of the atmosphere is lost.

In conclusion, you have some great poetry here, wrapped up in some not so great prose, but there's definitely potential. I hope you carry on writing, for sure, and I'll be interested to see what you do next.

Also, sorry for this taking so long, it slipped my mind.