Talk:Tom and Jerry Lost Episode/@comment-25129966-20140815171757

I'm not sure how dedicated you are to improving this, but I have several constructive criticisms.

1. Remove the references to Catholicism. I'm not typically a hard-ass for political correctness, but the first part of the story focuses a little to much on generalizing them and in a sense, "calling them out" than it does build a story. Not all Catholics are like that and even if this is a true story, it's better to use a more vague term like "religious".

2. Cliches. There are entirely too many of them. Everything from the one frame gruesome scene, to the tone, to certain phrases, over-used blood and gore. Almost nothing in this hasn't been done a hundred times before. I can't even give recommendations because there are just too many to name.

3. Build-up (or lack thereof). There is no tension or build-up to this. If I were writing this, I would make mention of the kinds of violence and how it contrasts to the violence typically on the show. Make it slow and unnerving. Don't do jump scares like immediate gore. Hell, there are episodes of Tom and Jerry that are creepier than this was (like the suicide episode).

4. The ending. The only good thing about it that it could entirely be believable (I get 'extra' stuff in torrents all the time) but it wasn't climactic or scary and didn't even stick with me by the time I got to this point. It feels like a really crappy attempt at being moral. I prefer this to, say, a Tom and Jerry doll appearing out of nowhere, but I don't think either are good choices.

However, if you are looking to be read as a Sh*ttypasta, by all means keep it as it was.