Talk:Cray-Z/@comment-25021327-20150111035913

Well, hmmm. This story doesn't feel awfully original, I feel like I've seen a few other "Test-Subject" style stories before, Russian Sleep Experiment, and some of the Resident Evil stories come to mind. But anyway...

The plot here is tragic, but the fact that we don't really know anything about what is going on or who the characters are kind of made me feel disconnected. It just read like a series of descriptions of events to me, and little more. I realize how terrible it is that this man transformed into some black creature thing that can guess numbers fairly accurately, but I didn't get the gut-wrenching sorrow I thought was being gone for.

Some of the descriptions were pretty good, I was pretty much able to imagine the surroundings with ease. The way the man is described after his transformation though seemed odd. Although "Snow-White" and "Coal-Black" are fine descriptors, they evoke memories of racist cartoons and were distracting (for me anyway) and I was trying to find a significance to there being 4 fingers on one hand and 6 on another. It seems like tere is something with that, that I am missing.

And although the man here presumable looks kind of similar to his old self, I found it odd that the daughter would automatically recognize her father with black skin, grey hair, and glowing eyes. I know of many kids who can't recognize their parents in chincey Halloween costumes, let alone a full body metamorphosis. but I'm nitpicking now.

Overall this story seems a little rushed to me. I think there was an okay setup, and it looked like it was gearing up to be longer and more interesting, but then it just kind of ended and threw on a bit about Russian royalty and resurrection (?) I'm not sure how that related to guessing numbers. And I feel I may have missed some of the subtext here, but I thought this story could have been fleshed out a bit more.