Talk:In Love With a Killer/@comment-25911569-20141228000149

I have a few things to say about the story. but before that let me just say that i made some grammatical edits and you have a lot of commas in places where periods or semi-colons should be.

1)The vocabulary and wording felt very odd. It felt very awkward and outdated. But this does have a good use of vocabulary which is good.

2)There wasn't much build up in Raiko and honestly I wasn't surprised by what she did. (Mainly because of the title which makes the story very predictable)

3) The plot could have had a little bit more build up especially in the part where she killed the people and when the narrorator was finding clues. Especially when he was finding clues. That part felt extremely rushed, and could have been way longer.

4)The narrorator seems to act very calmly to his girlfriend killing people.

This story in no way was bad, but I just didn't find it very creepy because there wasn't good build up with the plot, and characters. It was very predictable (again, especially because of the title) And many parts were rushed. Just keep working on build up, and making us feel attached to characters and you will have writing stories down pretty good. Everything happened all at one instance (which is what i mean by bad buildup)