Talk:My Father's Journal/@comment-30102911-20161122024252

First thing to point out is that Sifenchar is right in that Mesopotamia isn't a city so that leaves a very broad area to be selected from. Even worse the entry numbers leave a very broad timeframe for Andrew to be writing in. I would think archaeologists would have their journals a bit more professionally laid out than this. Transitioning to another point a journal such as this would be at least several times more detailed on the things that he saw in his descent down. Even suspending disbelief on every corner possible, the story itself just isn't all that well thought out or written to be creepy or even build a believable sense of transition. Especially at the ending where apparently Andrew manages to escape the temple where we aren't left an idea if he performed the sacrifice needed for him to get out. Apparently Andrew is now paranoid about his own son killing him? He's cut off towards the end? Too many details left hanging even for a journal. This story does have serious potential to be something interesting but it just leaves too little for the reader to be entertained with. By the way a bit of a nitpick here but Nergal's only role with the sun is as a representative of the noontime and summer solstice, Shamash is the attributed god of the sun.