Talk:The Roach Field/@comment-29502200-20160823224539

My review of the story

Title: I like it, it sticks with the story

Intro: It works; BUT, it feels generic. I'd reword it to be more like "It is said that hidden deep within the woods, there is a field colorful and beautiful. So mystic that he who finds it will never want to leave."

Body: Simple, sweet, to the point, I like it. Seeing that this is a short story however, I'd recommend breaking up the two large paragraphs into smaller paragraphs. I'd also recommned removing the part with the UV flashlight, it seems useless in my opinion. It would be more suspensful to say something like "Pray that the sun rises soon..."

End: BAD. The idea for the ending is good, but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REWORD IT. The final sentence is worded in a way that completely destroys the story. Saying something like "be wary if someone informs you of it's location, because there isn't just one." NEVER EVER use phrases like "and the words part is..." for an ending sentence

Overall Review: 7/10 - Short, sweet, original idea. Desperately needs to be revised.