User blog:Selto854/Shitpasta: NFS: The Last Race Explained

“O Lord Satan, some idiotic mortal just bought a sketchy-looking game from some store or another. It’s Mephistopheles’ game, but he’s not responding, so should I go?”

Satan was sitting on his throne, fires blazing all around him, consuming the bodies of the countless young virgins bestowed upon him by their choice of religion. He had his arm on his face, obviously bored of the routine he was in. His other arm was occupied by a stave which had three prongs on it, in case any of his subjects or servants would dare to defy him.

It had been a while since he had shaved his body. His chest and groin and face was covered in curly black goats’ hair, making him appear shaggy and more like some new sinner and less like the ruler of Hell. He made a mental note to shave soon, but he didn’t move from his roost on his thorny, marble throne. He suddenly snapped out of his boredom upon hearing the other demon’s voice and rose, stretching and breaking a few bones. He snapped them back into place and asked the demon to repeat himself.

He did.

“Oh, Mephistopheles, you insufferable buffoon… Yes, Buer, go ahead and take Mephistopheles’ place. These mortals need to learn to not buy from such shady locations. Go ahead and pop up on the screen while they’re playing the game. Give them a sca—“

“O Lord Satan, not to undermine you, but I understand how this routine goes. I scare them into writing some story online about their experience, then I snap the disc in half and come back here.” Satan was interrupted by the demon before him. He initially grimaced, but then gave a slight smile. He thought of something.

“You are correct in every single way, but I have a special request. This game… what’s the name of it?” He placed a hand on his scruffy goatee, awaiting a response. It took the demon before him a little while to gather the name of the game.

“Need for Speed, a racing game, O Lord Satan.” The demon answered. Satan’s eyes lit up and he had another brilliant idea.

“Hmm… a racing game… I haven’t played one of those in a while… What system is it on?”

“The Wii, O Lord.” Satan’s eyes lit up even more and then he started jittering excitedly.

“I don’t have that console! I don’t have it! Here is your task, you moronic gorilla! I demand you scare the player of this game, and then instead of snapping the disc, bring the Wii back down into these pits of Hell! Just suck it into the TV and teleport it down here!” Satan got even more excited as he described the plan. The other demon nodded and grinned as well, although he doubted the idea. Why did his lord want a Wii, after all? It sucked!

“Okay, O Lord. I shall do as you asked.” The demon in front of Satan disappeared, and Satan rested back on his throne, a grin set on his face. He scratched at his scruff and waited for the Wii to be in his hands.