Talk:Cookie/@comment-25021327-20150117001601

Alright, well a DeviantArt pasta might be interesting, but I feel this was a little lacking. I guess a few of my complaints are regarding the lack of visuals here. If the pasta revolves around drawings and images, then maybe there ought to be pictures included, or linked to within the pasta. Describing what is happening in a picture can only do so much for the reader. And as they say, "a picture is worth a thousand words."

The author refers to his or her friend's deviation "Care for a Cookie" and although it is described, it's hard for this to cause much of an impact on the reader who is just making up the image in their own mind. If this image exists, maybe display it, if not, maybe some more in depth description would be good.

As for the rest of the story, it feels pretty familiar. Strange, unexplained computer occurance leads to someone's death by... de-eyeing... I guess. I didn't feel like I connected with the characters very much here, and I mostly just felt confused by what was happening. I also thought it was strange that the sister came in, accused a webcam of killing her sister, then instantly came to terms with the situation "Very well" *flops body around without trying to call 911* the end.

It felt kind of jumpy and abrupt to me. Maybe the concept could work with a little more time put into it.