User blog:Sir Areis Lionheart/Fallen Angel

Seems Life has finally caught up to me.

First things' first, I want to say I'm sorry, to everyone, primarily Galleon360 and SynfulBlood, on the Twitch strean...for what I'm about to say here...

I've heard the phrase, "The mind will desperately try to create memories where none exist", and ultimately, I tried to exploit that for the sake of my own relief and happiness...I'll be it at the cost of my reputation and sanity. Unfortunately, what I've been trying to do for over six fucking months has left me tired and exhausted, and it's time I finally give up.

16 years ago, I was a 4 year old boy, dealing with intense amounts of stress, and I would retreate to a fantasy world of my creation to escape my stress. For 16 years...I've kept up this, preserving my sanity, as well as my happiness. Recently, it hasn't been working quite as well, and all these years of dedication have finally decided to come bite me in the ass. At night, I would dream that I was in my world...with my imaginary friends. It was paradise, and I had the gift of a vivid dream, full sensory immersion. I could see, touch, taste, hear, and smell my world...and it was perfect...

Then I would wake up to a deep depression, what I've called "The Paradise Effect", and an aching longing to be there again...

Soon, I began to force the memories of a certain...kinship...I had, in a desperate attempt to convince my stubborn mind that it was real...only it isn't...it never was...and it never will be. I was hoping that Ruby, being the most achieveable of my fantasies...the most realistic...would be easy to convince myself of its truth...even though it is a lie.

Unfortunately, that is not so. Ruby was never real, only a figment of my imagination, a crude attempt to convince myself that it was true. I figured, that by spreading the very same story I had hammered into my mind, the responses and treatment as if it were true could help me to accept it's reality. It hasn't worked...and now I've betrayed my friends...my REAL friends...for the sake of self-gain, it is for this that I'm truly sorry, and for this that is unforgiveable.

This whole...situation...with Numinextra brought me to terms with life, and the banning of Numinextra suddenly forced me into a rude awakening...I was no better than him.

Only, where he had pushed his superiority over others...I had pushed a false bestial truth over others, both of us are one in the same...even with different motives. His, no doubt, to look 'cool' and 'badass', mine for the sake of being happy and fulfilling one of my deepest and most powerful...but also most realistic...sexual fantasies.

Once more...I am sorry, to everyone, and I hope that this won't alienate those who call me 'friend'...although I know of the possible repercussions...and I understand that it is something that is unforgiveable...and something that will never be forgotten...

[i]Per Moestitia[/i]

Sir Areis Lionheart (talk) 06:30, September 9, 2013 (UTC)