Thread:Urkelbot666/@comment-26268104-20150826235822/@comment-26268104-20150913224949

I just started my story over. I'd like you to say what you think of this part of the plot. It goes like this:

Stage 1: The first 2-3 paragraphs describe what happened to Denis' dad, who he is, and who his family is.

Stage 2: This is the next 3 paragraphs or so, and is of Denis and his family visiting his dad. This stage is meant to let us learn a bit more about his dad.

Stage 3: This stage is 4 paragraphs or so long. It's where Denis thinks about how he can stand his dad dying, then overhears a conversation next door about how the family next door has a few chickens suffering from lung cancer, of all things. This gives Denis an idea to kidnap one of them and expriment on it to find. Before he does this, he wonders if it's a good idea, but reasons that, for a lack of better word, killing a chicken to save a human is like trading 1 dollar for 2.

Stage 4: This stage is 4 paragraphs long or so. It's Denis describing how he's going to get the equipment he needs and where he will do his expriments. He does his expriments in an abandoned garage around the corner from his house. He gets his equipment from the deep web, using his laptop computer. This stage also shows Denis getting the chicken and pressing it's muddy feet on the fence to make it look like he just escaped.

Stage 5: This stage is 3 paragraphs long or so. Denis is ready to start experimenting. He traps the chicken inside the empty garage and uses the stuff he got on the deep web, along with his knowlege of medicine and biology to try and develop bacteria that can destory the bad cells while leaving regular ones intact. He makes one eventually and tries it on the chicken, only to find it dead the next day.

Stage 6: This stage is 3 paragraphs long or so. Denis ponders over what he did wrong, then it strikes him that maybe his bacteria would work on a human. Then he wonders if he should try to do his expriment on a human. He argues with himself for a bit about wheather he should try to do this. He decides he should do it.

So, this is part of the plot. What do you think of the pacing and plot?

I'll post the rest of it sometime in the next few days.