Talk:Evil Blue/@comment-28195971-20160513190633

Okay, so, here's my review.

This story is a great concept, and a good story overall, but there were some clichés and things.

~ Grammar mistakes and walls of text (I fixed this myself).

~ The story wasn't as well-written as it could be (it's hard to explain, but here's an example in how the story says,"After visiting the Pokémon Center, I yawned and stretched after saving the game and closing Desume," instead of saying something like, "After visiting the Pokémon Center, I yawned and stretchedm saving the game and closing Desume." Part of it is word repitition. Sometimes, a sentence will sound better if certain words are used only once).

~ You say you've had bad experiences with a Luxray, yet you also say you have neither Diamond nor Pearl yet. How did you get a Luxray? Did you borrow a friend's game? Luxray is a gen. four Pokémon.

~ Even though you mention that you had bad experiences with a Luxray early on, not mentioning what happened until Blue actually shows up is kinda cliché. Maybe you should add something more about Blue, such as deciding to play Pearl first, but quitting to play Diamond because of Blue, or because you beat the game and got bored of it (having already released Blue sometime during your playthrough of the game).

~ Why does Blue have blue eyes? Maybe if you decide to do what I suggested above, you should mention that he had blue eyes.

~ "A Fighting-type Pokémon... great." Why did you set him as a starter, then? I think what you meant was that you used the randomizer to randomize the starters, but that may or may not be clear to people. Perhaps instead of saying, "I changed them from Turtwig, Piplup, and Chimchar to Riolu, Dratini, and Growlithe," you should say something along the lines of, "Turtwig, Piplup, and Chimchar were randomized to be Riolu, Dratini, and Growlithe, respectively."

~ You say you had Blue in a Diamond game. How? You played Diamond first and didn't catch a Shinx. Again, did you borrow a friend's game, or rent one, or what?

Anyway, I think that's all. Overall, I give this 'pasta a rating of 6/10. If the things I mentioned get fixed, then I would love to come and reread your story, and give it a new rating.

Also, I am NOT trying to offend anyone in ANY WAY! I respect other people's opinions, and this is mine, so I hope you all will respect my opinion! I am not looking to cause an argument!