Talk:Fallout 3: The Man/@comment-25021327-20150604003849

This one may have some potential, but as it is I think it feels a little unfinished. The pacing here feels fairly consistent for the most part, but the ending seemed abrupt to me. The story seemed like a fairly standard bizarre video game pasta, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, and I can see that you were trying to tie in the Fallout storyline with the possibiity of future events.

One thing that distracted my while reading this was how the dialogue was dealt with. It would probably work better if it were formatted more clearly; start a new paragraph every time the speaker changes. I felt like I kept having to jump back and forth to see who was saying which line.

I found it a bit confusing toward the end, I imagine that all the strange incidents in the game triggered some event, or had some effect on Rico, causing him to have a vision, or prediction about what was going to happen. It seemed strange to me that the brothers may think there is some truth to this vision. I can see Rico being freaked out from it being younger. The final line "Ralph and I began to feel discomforted" feels kind of ambiguous, and didn;t seem like a strong ending to me. Not that the story had to be any longer, that just seemed like an odd final line to me.

So, sorry if it sounds like I'm bashing your story. I think that there are some good ideas here, like the game foretelling a possible future, and the relationship between the three brothers. I guess I just would have liked to see it executed differently. Sorry if this review seemed harsh.