Talk:Collect for Christ/@comment-5757488-20150827194553

You know what, this is a really fun little story. I thought the premise here, with the bait-and-switch, was very nice. Sure, it's reveal is maybe a little cheesy, but I think it's worth it. The pacing was excellent - it withholds the twist just until the perfect moment; not to early, but not the final line either. You also hit the sweet spot with length; any shorter and I don't think this would've had the appropriate build up, but I'm not sure the premise needed anything more than this. I enjoyed the character development as well, which is surprising in a story this length. You managed to say a lot about our protagonist in very few words, which is an achievement.Finally there are the little winks to the audience here and there which I really like; the meal being Italian, the offhand comment about the meals ending shortly, the irony of the name Angelica. All these little clues are what makes this story so much fun. As for improvements - perhaps reading this aloud to yourself during editing could have ironed out the language a little bit, because some sections sound a little awkwardly worded; e.g "I then noticed her entire body decaying" or "a nice body bag". Also, there is one tense change here which might need looking at; the second and third sentences of paragraph three are in the present and past tenses respectively, so you might want to change one or the other. Anyway, overall, a short-but-sweet story with a well-timed pay off and plenty of fun winks to the audience.