Talk:Heat/@comment-25021327-20160114222106

Ahhh yes. I read this one quite a while ago actually. I'm not sure why I didn;t leave a comment then. I actually like this one! I find it deliciously bizarre in its execution. I like the nonlinear storytelling with little interjections here and there, that kind of takes the reader by surprise about halfway through. Up to that point it reads like a standard creepypasta that won;t be too memorable, but when it introduces the narrator character, I feel like it makes itself a bit more unique.

I think that the format, and spelling/grammar give it a more unhinged feeling that keeps with the tone of the narrator. There are other things here that could be working against it, like the way it feels unfocussed and disjointed, not really making clear several points in the story (how he knew what he knew about Kaleb, how he hacked the Xbox, how he got "irradiated") but I feel that these all work to make the story read like the ramblings of a madman. Who knows what is actualy real, and what is imagined?

This is by no means a perfect story, and it probably isn;t for everyone, it may have been able to be executed better, but personally I enjoy it. Even if it's more for its implications than the actual writing.