Talk:Its Gone Too Far./@comment-29502200-20160830064642/@comment-29502200-20160830143509

"Can you also tell me about the rest of the story"

1st paragraph: remove 'THE HARD WAY' that's cringy.

2nd paragraph: there is no need to use the phrase "so anyways." Make your sentence "Let me begin MY journey into this nightmare.

"It was almost winter" Change that to "It was december 21st 2012, and my brother was paranoid that the world was going to end tomorrow" that way it flows better.

"our usual x-mas stuff" Don't use the word 'stuff'.'

3rd paragraph: This is how it should be layed out.

I asked my mom, "Hey mom, can I go to my friends house?"

She said, "Yes, just make it back in time for dinner."

"Alright mom." I walked to my friends house. I was about to leave... (rest of the paragraph)

4th Paragraph: Start the paragraph with "I was excited to play Sonic 3. I walked through the snow, and each snowflaked looked like a minuature snowball....."

"It also had x-mas decorations up." change to "his househad x-mas decorations up."

5th paragraph: How it should be layed out

I rang my friends doorbell, and there he was. He said, "Hiya Jay! Whatcha got today?"

I smirked a bit and said, "Sonic 3."

"Really?" He asked. "Well I got Sonic & Knuckles, did you know you can play them together? Check this out." He showed me the Sonic & Knuckles cartridge, with the lock on, and in great condition.

6th paragraph: How it should be layed out

"You do realize this needs a genesis to play, right?" I asked him.

"He looked at me and said, "Sure, my dad has it in the attick. That's where this game came form." I followed him to the console. (remove 'he pointed att the cartridge' because it's useless filler.)

7th: "After we TOOK (NEVER USE 'GOT') the Genesis out..." Remove "he went to go clean the attic," it's useless filler.

Symbolizing newer games (sonic 3d blast) in an older game is rather cringe worthy, unless it was meant to be an easter egg.

How it should be layed out

...I looked at Nigel and Nigel looked back. "What Happened?" he asked.

"I think this is bootlegged," I replied. "Let's just start the game."

I'd go on but I have to go to work. Have fun.