Talk:The Trees/@comment-28241499-20141121231436

There were a lot of things you could've done wrong with your first pasta. It makes me a bit happier to see someone like you has at least a basic understanding of English grammar and syntax (I also understand that you're not a native speaker). Now, for the actual review.

What strikes me immediately is the title; or, rather, the absence thereof. I guess "Pasta" is technically a title, but it's neither descriptive nor interesting. I assume the actual title is "The Trees" (which, while not exactly descriptive or interesting at least gives you some sort of idea what the pasta is about), but that should be the wiki title page, not just a heading inside the page itself. The plot is not awful, but it's cliched especially with the seemingly random blood everywhere. I liked how you set it up in the trees - forests have always had this creepy, mystic aura, and the fact that the character got lost does awake a basic fear in a lot of people.

But one thing that bugs me is the length. Short stories can work really well if they have a good twist, but short stories that have nothing but jumpscares and lots of blood everywhere are not going to be very good no matter what your idea is. If you expanded on it a bit - especially the ending - you would be able to make it better. You should also try and eliminate most of the blood and gore. Blood, when timed correctly and used sparingly, can work to make a story creepier - but when it's just thrown in there for shock value it just makes you look lazy.

Speaking of the ending, I don't quite understand it. And it's not the "I can't understand it because it's so open ended" type of ending, but the "I can't understand it because nothing makes sense" kind, otherwise known as the bad kind. Were you the friend? Or were you just coincidentally walking lost in the forest in the same time and had the exact same thing happen to both of you? Why are you alive and him dead? If you were dreaming, why did it happen to him? And speaking of dreaming, that's another cliche that just makes you look too lazy to expand on what happened.

Overall, not the worst it could be for your first. Axe most of the blood and gore, fix up some minor grammar/spelling mistakes, and make it sizably longer, and you'll have something presentable. But don't sweat it too much - instead of trying to make this pasta a 10/10 pasta (which it most likely would never be without some MAJOR expansion), apply these critiques and others' to your next pasta. You'll pick up on most of this stuff as you write more and more.