Talk:Castlevania -1/@comment-4332975-20130318204207

First of all, I'm going to guess the contest had a word requirement. The writing had that "I need to use the long form of as many terms as possible to fill space" quality about it. Unfortunately, while some things seem to have been stretched for length, the things that it would have been good to get detail on seem to get universally glossed over. The whole thing suffers from "And Then" syndrome, where things are referenced and summarized, rather than described, and ends up reading more like Cliff's Notes than an actual story.

That aside, the spelling and grammar really need work. There's quite a number of small errors, and it's actually pretty distracting. When coupled with bare-bones descriptions like "he looked emo", it makes the whole thing look lazy and unprofessional. Not to mention all the clichés. There's the game that no one remembers having, with the marker label, but it must be a hack... "Demonic" music (this one is a double-whammy, in that it is not only clichéd, but also a cop-out description that tells the reader nothing). Screamers. Gore described as "too real", which is just saying "hyper-realistic" another way, and equally nondescriptive. Mysterious text files. All finishing up in a classic case of "Satan because evil" with no buildup.

There's potential here, but your writing needs work, and you're going to need to fine tune it a bit.