Talk:The Home Run Killer/@comment-25021327-20141108045916

I must say that this wound up being better than I would have anticipated. The pacing is nice and pretty consistent, Spelling, grammar, format and clarity are all in good shape. I enjoyed this more than I did the others that you have written so far. Good job on sticking with it :)

I thought the story is a somewhat fun twist on the standard psycho killer storyline. I likd the video laden cell phone left for police, as that is something that seems all too possible. Sadly, I wouldn't be surprised to see a few instanes of that in real life during my lifetime.

There were some things in the story that I thught were silly and a bit odd. Some of what Sif mentioned, although I actually like the cheesey baseball dialogue. It reminds me of Freddy Krueger (Robert Eglund, the REAL Freddy) or the Joker. It makes Tulo seem so detached from his malevolence that simple murder can't satisfy him. He needs to further amuse, and empower himself with awful jokes. I also liked that the narrator aknowledges that the Baseball jokes are dumb and in poor taste.

This is just a personal one, but I get tired of characters seeing something gross and vomiting. I know this is a legitimate reaction, but it has become a cliché. Even in Novels I read where the author is getting paid, haha

The blood and gore didn;t bother me here, I'm kind of lenient in that department. The clichés that were here didn't detract too much from the pasta for me.

I;ll try not to ramble too much... I know that you wanted a big exciting climax, but I thought that toward the end things realy began to test my suspension of disbelief. The fact that this Police Detective grabs a kitchen knife for protection as he goes to the station seemed kind of dumb. Most Military and law enforcement people I know always have a firearm on them, or easily accessible. Whether on duty of not.

Again, the Serial killer being able to assault an officer, and then set him of fire in a police station is a bit of a stretch. But I suppose there ought to be a way to have a big finish. I felt a little let down when Tulo began to be presented as a possible supernatural being, almost like Michael Myers. I prefer when the antagonists of these stories are simply extraordinary individuals.

Anyway, I enjoyed reading this, it kept me interested throughout :) It feels a a bit more unique that the typical slasher pastas. The concept  could so easily have slipped into cliché, shitpasta territory without the proper care, and I can tell you put some legitimate effort into this. Nice work :)