Talk:The Powerful Mechanism/@comment-25021327-20150108042059

Well, there isn't too much story here, and what there is isn't put together incredibly well. I unerstand that this is meant to be a mindfuck pasta, but it really doesn't succeed in that. Just abbreviating the names of characters feels a little lazy, and really just made me feel like this entire story was simply a setup to a "big reveal" which I guess it was. However, the reveal wasn't very shocking or interesting, and simply confirmed that this piece was just a retelling of events with very little creative input from the author.

The descriptions are vague, which I imagine is by design as the narrator is trying to keep the twist ending a secret, but I found myself going from being confused, to just not really caring. The Mindfuck isn't done well enough to justify the story, and the inverse is also true (in my opinion) The title "The Powerful Mechanism" is pretty cool, but I honestly don't really get how it related to the stor here.

Maybe if a little more thought were be put into a story like this, it could be good. As it is now, it felt to me like a kind of lazy story, paired with a kind of lazy twist.