Talk:Mind Over Body/@comment-6794436-20151026213215

Well damn...

Good: This was definitely written exceptionally well. There were a lot of great words used, I didn't see too many grammatical errors, and it flowed together rather well too. I also liked how in this pasta you attempt and, at least in my case, succeed in misleading the reader into believing the story is about Jimmy doing some crazy shit, when in the end you throw a swerveball and make an unexpected mindfuck. You give numerous hints at possible creepy outcomes here, and none of them really come into fruition because of the shock value out of nowhere route you took, which is something I doubt many other authors would do and is something that I thought really strengthened the ending.

Bad: I think this pasta definitely could've been made longer. This really felt a bit rushed, and it isn't that creepy because there isn't really any buildup or all that much suspense. That's really what kind of lessened the experience for me, and I really just wanted more out of this.

Verdict: 6/10- I think this pasta had a lot of potential to be something special, but it really felt too rushed to reach that full potential. If you maybe made some more details and lengthened this pasta so that it didn't feel as rushed as it does, I think it would benefit the overall experience.

-Incorrect3