Talk:Pokemon Yellowleaf/@comment-26480939-20160808224851

Not bad by any means, but the run-on sentences and dearth of helpful punctuation make reading this a bit confusing.

I like the story you have going here, but honestly, that dream part could be taken out and not affect anything in the plot. It's not relevant to the story proper, just some random nightmare the character had. If you really want to keep the dream part, then please rewrite it to have some relation to the story itself. Like, say, the narrator has characters from the game speaking those reversed English words instead of some random clown, and some of his/her party Pokémon start speaking the same way, and the narrator wakes up in a start, confused about it. And then possibly investigates the words, trying to decipher them. Something like that would greatly improve the pasta in my opinion. As it is, it's a Big-Lipped Alligator Moment.

Another thing that confuses me is how the LeafGreen emulator suddenly transforms into a perfectly working copy of Pokémon Yellow version (even if it has some weird text). That kind of thing can't happen unless there was some of the coding for Yellow in the LG emulation file, and even then, I believe that's stretching it.

Rating: 6.5/10 Needs improvement.