Thread:Urkelbot666/@comment-26400886-20151004225511

The story has been improved hopefully. I tried my best to make the story as sence as possible and made it less cliche. And I changed the ending to make it more sense, it still sounds like it mysteriously disappear, but this time I tried to give it a reason on why it disappeared.

Tell what do you think now, dose it still need a little more work? 