Talk:World of Warcraft Endofallthings.mod/@comment-25021327-20150113002758

I have mixed emotions about this one. On one hand, it has some pretty common elements that almost go into cliché territory, on the other, it's pretty well written, and if I had not read anythig like this before, I would probably pretty much dig it.

There were some of the things here that can be trickey to pull off in a pasta; excessive violence in a game, game addressing player, and some references to other games, and media. The fact that this story deals with an unsanctioned mod made by a looney can account for most of the strange phemonema, I guess. Maybe the guy just put a ton of work into some of the graphics. The game vocally addressing the player by name felt a little cheesey, and out of place. I could see if the mod had gotten his name/info from his PC and popped it up in text form, but the actual audio felt like it stretched a bit beyond what I felt willing to believe.

The references to Sonic.exe felt unnecessary and out of place to me as well. I realize that the narrator identifies himself as a fan of Creepypastas, and is likely just using it as a frame of reference for his description, but I dunno... I guess it just didn;t work for me. And at the end of the day, describing something as having eyes like Sonic.exe is essentially the same as saying "black eyes oozing hyperrealiztic blood" which feels a bit overdone.

The descriptions here were pretty good for the most part. I'm not a WoW player, but I felt pretty able to follow along here without being too confused, I'm sure a Warcraft player would get a lot more out of the descriptions than I did as well :) The pacing in this story felt even and organic for the most part. I didn;t think it jumped around notably. The spelling, grammar, format and clarity were in good shape (which is great!) and I felt that overall, this read fairly easily.

One other thing I feel I must touch on is the epilogue, I felt like adding those little details really made the story a lot more cliché and silly. The fact that we have a disgruntled employee, who is "into Satanism" and a paranoid schozophrenic sadist (echoing the detail about the friend from earlier in the story, which I didn't quite understand) and that he released the mod and committed suicide, really stretched my suspension of disbelief. Also, the fact that Blizzard would just e-mail all this personal, and damning information about a former employee just seemed odd (and probably a little illegal) I hate to harp on, but I felt that without the epilogue, the story felt a lot stronger to me.

But in all, I pretty much enjoyed reading this. I think the author has some talent, and could probably write some quite good stuff. I'm sorry I pointed out so many nitpicks here, I don;t intend to come across like I'm slamming this pasta, I just feel that it could have been better with a few tweaks.