Talk:Its Gone Too Far./@comment-29502200-20160829002546

"This is my first pasta" OH BOY, YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS REVIEW. Please be advised that I am not here to offend you, or insult you. I am here to give you an honest review, and an honest opinion. Don't take this review as "you suck, never write a story ever again." Take this review is "Here's what you did wrong, learn from your mistakes."

Title: It's not attention grabby, but it deffinitly works for the story given.

Grammar/Spelling: I spoted a few puncuation and grammar mistakes. The paragraphs are off, you need to make a new paragraph everytime someone new is talking. If you don't it gets confusing.

(He said “Something that old must not work, but I will give it to you little guys anyway.”

I replied “Can we also get Sonic & Knuckles out please?” He gave it to us and went back up to clean the attic.)

Introduction: Boring. There's no hook to catch my attention; if, the story was any longer, I wouldn't bother reading it. "Hey guys, my* name is Jay." So? I'm suppose to care who you are? It would have been better if you said something like: (Did... did they go too far? Did they create this chaos on purpose? My name is Jay, and I've experienced the true definition of madness.)

The story itself: BORING AND ANTI-CLIMATIC. When working with older games, NEVER NEVER talk about the graphics unless something intense happens. Tails attacking Sonic and eating his flesh on a 16bit console isn't scary, nor would it ever make someone vomit. It was also unreasonably cliche. The only thing that stood out for me from other Sonic stories is the fact that it was during winter. The issue with videogame creepypasta's like Sonic is, sonic is an over-hyped field, and you need to be SPOT ON when creating your story. Work with something easier that gives you more leeway. I'd recommend creepypasta mods/hacks before working with actual games.

Ending: Boring. I saw "To be continued" but have no desire to read a part 2, because the story doesn't leave me in suspense.

Review: 3/10 Basic and Boring. A Shitpasta.

NOTE: I've wrote some creepypastas (none based around games however.) Read my stories "Devil's Incarnate" or "I Need to Stop the Knocking," to get an idea on how to impliment suspense into your stories. Mine are not perfect, but I have been given good reviews on them. They will be good tutoring measures on when to use reality, and when to go into the supernatural.