Talk:Time/@comment-15963904-20140112174438/@comment-8470110-20140112205436

Unfortunately for me, the beginning sentence of the last paragraph is true: I will forget reading this in 10 minutes. The reason for that is because it lacks substance.

The plot was sloppy and everything felt disjointed. the pacing was cluncky and the ending felt awkward. Words are repeated over and over (occasionly multiple times in one sentence) and they become redundant to use. Also, it felt like this was written in a hurry. Everything happens too quickly and doesn't let the information sink in for the reader. However, the concept is very interesting. If it's expanded upon, it can become a great story. For now, it's not the best it can be. Hopefully this can reach its full potential and knowing you, it will if you work on it.

Rating: 3/10

-Sshakenbakee (Cameron S.)