Talk:R.A.G.E/@comment-8470110-20151109060405

Reading through this story, I definitely see some potential (as with many other stories). However, this one falls flat in too many ways.

There wasn't any real atmosphere to this story, no real hook to reel the reader in. It just kind of starts in what feels like the middle of the story. We aren't given any context in regards to our protagonist, his situation and what happened prior to these events. The titular game (R.A.G.E.) is mentioned once throughout the whole story and it isn't even given any sort of background. It's just mentioned and forgotten about. What happens in this game? Why is it so twisted? How did it cause the little brother to just disappear? Does Nick truly care if he finds his brother? These questions and more are raised rather than answered and due to the lack of context, the reader is left in the dark.

There were only a few slight grammar errors with perhaps a few awkward sounding sentences here and there. This can be easily fixed so make it the last thing on your list of how to improve your story.

Overall, this story just feels bland and empty. There isn't any real form of context given to anything happening and there are far too many questions that the reader is left with. If you go in depth into why everything is happening, make the app much more relevant, give some background to the relationship between Nick and his brother and build everything up with tension and atmosphere, there's no doubt that this can be an excellent story. I have faith that you can do such a task. If you need any help or have any questions, don't hesitate to either ask myself or another Admin. Best of luck, my friend!

Rating: 2/10

-Sshakenbakee (Head New User Advisor)