It Won't Get Better

There he stood, on the edge of the bridge, looking down into the dark rushing water below him. "Am I really going to do this?" he thought to himself "Of course I am." He looked up at the full moon in the sky and thought about the last few weeks. He had found out that his girlfriend, Justine, had cheated on him. He had taken a lot of crap his entire life, but this, this is what hurt him the most.

He took a deep breath and thought about his whole life. His name was Joel, Joel Towers. He had been born into a a middle-class family. They were a little on the poorer side, but they were able to make ends meet. His parents often had to work late so he kind of had to learn to take care of himself. In high school he didn't have many friends. He wasn't exactly bullied, but he was neglected, which is just as bad. He only knew 2 people close enough to be able to have them classified as 'friends' and he would often tell them that he was bored with life and that he was going to kill himself. They would say exactly what you'd expect. They'd tell him that it'll get better, and that he just had to stay strong.

He got snapped out of his day dream when a car drove by and stopped. The driver rolled down the window and said "Uh... Hey man, you alright? It's pretty cold out here... Do you need a ride?"

Joel just faked a smile "No, thanks. I'm fine. Just staring at the stars is all." The man gave him a strange look. Joel just kept on smiling. He knew that the man didn't believe him, but he drove away anyway. That's when Joel knew, that nobody cared.

He watched the lights of the car fade out of sight. He began to think about the last few years. After high school, he had moved out and gotten a job at a McDonald's, and was living on a small one room apartment. His life was pretty bland after that, the only thing that kept him going was the novel he was writing. He wanted to write a story based on his life. Every spare moment he had he'd be in his house typing it up on his old computer that he got from his parents for his 14th birthday. He had spent 2 years writing it, but he had finally finished it, and couldn't have been happier. His old friends were right, it would get better. He had sent it into 3 different publishers, each one turned him down.

He inched closer to the edge of the bridge and looked down. He started to feel a little dizzy and took a step back again.

He thought about the last 6 months. He had met Justine. The love of his life, the only love of his life. He thought for sure that he would marry her, but less than 3 weeks ago, he found out she had been sleeping with another man. That was it. That was the little push he had been waiting for, the push that made him snap. His friends didn't understand. They have never been where he had been. They'd say things like, "Well, you don't need her man. Move on." or "Fuck it! You're better than this! Let it go, you can't let her ruin your life." that advice didn't help him, though. No one, understood, how he felt.

He turned around as another car stopped and asked him if he was okay. He just smiled and nodded again, and again they drove off without even a second glance. He turned back and looked down at the water. He took off his hat. It was a San Francisco Giants hat. The Giants were the only thing he had to truly be happy about these last few years, but that wasn't enough for him. He placed it down on the ground, and took out a piece of paper that he had written his suicide note on earlier that day. It read:

To everyone that I have ever known, go to Hell.

He placed it under his hat, a left the pen there too. He thought about what he wrote, "Hell"... He wasn't a very religious person. Not like the rest of his family, so he hadn't thought very much of Heaven or Hell or anything like that. He remembered something he heard about how people who committed suicide went to Hell. He wondered if he would go to Hell. He checked his watch one last time, it was 2:14 am. He sighed, put his arms at his sides, and jumped.

Falling was one of the best experiences he ever had. He felt truly free, falling like that, almost like he was flying. It all came to an end, however, when he splashed into the water. The fall had not been enough to kill him and he was now rushing down the river in it's absolutely freezing water. He was keeping his head above water, it was strange. It was as if all his survival instincts kicked in as soon as he wanted to die. After a few seconds, he said to himself "Just let it go... Go limp..." He did just that. He put his head under water and started to breath in, taking in loads of water at a time, trying to drown himself faster. Then all of the sudden, he lost all feeling, he went totally numb. He didn't know if it was the freezing water, or the fact that now he had totally given up. He was finally somewhat... happy. Happy that he wouldn't have to deal with anything anymore.

He then got hit by a sudden realization "I never signed the note." that was the last thing he thought, before his had smashed against a rock and he faded into darkness.