Talk:Its Gone Too Far./@comment-29502200-20160830064642

OH BOY REVIEW NUMBER 2

Title: "It's not attention grabby, but it deffinitly works for the story given."

Introduction: GOOD. THAT INTRO IS GOOD. "To step in the heart, the core, the living embodiment, of madness?" THAT SHIT IS GOOD.

Spelling/Grammar: BAD. You added A LOT of unneccessary commas. I will say this again, you need to seperate your paragraphs everytime a new person talks. It's very important the next time you write a story, DO NOT use words like "stuff" "wtf" or "peeps." "stuff" is a boring word that describes nothing. Don't say "WTF" actually say "what the fuck." And "peeps"... no... just no...

Story: It's a 'new' idea, but why the hell is your dad's favorite game a violence infested bootleg? Now if you added something like "Sonic 3 was my dad's favorite game; mainly becasue it was the first game he ever sucessfully modded when he was younger," it would make much more sense.

'"Either this is bootlegged, or it's cursed," i replied.'  I'd recommend changing it to "This looks like it's bootlegged," I said in confusion. The 'or it's cursed,' is cringy.

Ending: Ends in a disaster. The last two paragraphs were 'basic.' I'd also recommend taking out the "but my friend was... he is now in the loony bin." You want to keep it realistic, no one's going to go insane playing a bootleg.

AS FOR THE FINAL SENTENCE. "Now he will find me... and kill me." EHHHHHHHHHH. REMOVE IT, REMOVE IT, REMOVE IT. I'm going to end up finding you... and killing you (emotionally) if you ever write an ending that badly.

Overall: 5/10 - GOOD INTRODUCTION, basic story, TERRIBLE ENDING. It's better, but it's still a shitpasta.