Talk:The Aftermath/@comment-8198649-20140425225633

Alright soooo this went by very quickly for the story it was trying to convey. It felt as if it jumped around a lot, and sometimes people were just mentioned once and not again. It had good spelling and grammar but felt as if there was no variation in there. it was all just a bunch of straightforward sentences, which are more fitting for other types of literature. For story telling you should have commas, colons, semi-colons, and other things that push it along with fluid emotion.

I'd also like to mention that a bunch of words were repeated over and over, which is a personal tick of mine.