Talk:The Ruins of Wind/@comment-25021327-20140723210305

I could dig this. However, I will be the first to admit that I'm a bit of a sucker for abandoned, dilapidated, ruined, or otherwise deserted places, so I was aready hooked by that ;) I find these settings fascinating. And the descriptions of the buildings were pretty good.

As far as it being your first pasta, I personally don't have any grips about you stating that in the opening. Seeing that makes me more likely to try to give criticism, and advice if I can. In the case of this story, there are a few things I would like to bring up.

You spend such a long time describing the setting, what it is now, and what it was, which is great. Then you switch to the legend of this Wind character toward the end. I get the impression that the point you wanted to focus on was the legend of the Wind. However, when reading it felt to me like it went from a grizzled take on modern (or post modern) society to a tale of an urban legend somewhat abruptly. It felt more like an afterthought.

Maybe there could be more pacing from the descriptions of old buildings gradually rising to a more substantial take on this "urban legend." I do think that this story is something you should come back to, and revisit at some point. I think it could be pretty good :)

I know this is getting long winded, but I would also suggest that when you write, try having a thesaurus on hand, or an online one in a minimized window. the terms "building" and school" are used quite a bit. Maybe mix it up with words like Structures, and institution, or facility.

Sorry again for the long, drawn out comment. I hope it is encouraging. Keep writing, and keep reading!