Talk:Maria's Revenge/@comment-96.232.163.224-20130530205534

The subject matter of this was very interesting, I'll give it that. Haven't read many Sonic creepypastas aside from Sonic.exe, which was terribly done. This is interesting, but I feel it could be written way better. A lot of it seemed to be making excuses or not knowing what to write (such as cropping the picture "just cause"), and the mood didn't really seem that consistent. It's kind of obvious you're not really a writer, and in my experience most of the good creepypastas gain so much attention because of how well it's written, not just what it's about (BEN and Pokemon Black, for example.) I also think it would have been a lot creepier if Maria was actually experimented on, instead of just...raped, I guess. It's definitely creepy that she was used as a sex object by even her own grandfather, but I would have been more creeped out if they also experimented on her as well. Maybe she was tested on in horrific ways? Who knows!

In short, this was interesting, but that's it. There's so much better that could be done here. You claim to be a huge Sonic fan, yet there were a lot of inaccuracies that really took me out of the story and made it even less believable. The S ranks that aren't even a thing in the game, the lack of information about Maria herself (little research on the Sonic Wiki would have helped), the whole talk about how Shadow's spinoff must have been a cover up to this game...it really would have benefitted if you put more thought into it, quite honestly. I liked the sequence of events, I liked how it sounds like it's actually possible in the game, and I liked how it kind of ended in an open way (best thing to do in a creepypasta.) But this could have really benefitted from richer detail, a more believeable account from yourself (since it's first person), etc.

I'd recommend it. But honestly I just kind of want to rewrite it myself since it really needs to be revised.

- Only anon because I don't have an account