The Mushroom Kingdom Cleanup Crew

'''The following is classified information derived from a confiscated diary. Do not disclose this information with any person. - The Mushroom Kingdom Archives'''

Todd Daot's Diary ~ September 25, 1985
The princess has finally been saved! It has been 12 days since she was missing. It turns out some ordinary plumber came to her rescue, and he saved her from some giant koopa. I wish I could've been the one that saved her. But I'm no hero, I'm just an ordinary Toad like everyone else. But, after the princess was saved, a bunch of job positions opened up to join a clean-up crew. According to the job descripition, the job pays high amounts to clean up the rubble and waste left over from the whole kidnapping incident. I applied, and hopefully I'll be hired. There's only 30 positions open, so maybe I'll get on the team. That's enough for tonight, I'm tired from all the things that went on today. ~Todd

September 26, 1985
I got the job! I went to the meeting where they announced who was being hired, there had to be more than 100 people there... But I still got on the team! I'm so happy! Grace, my wife, was happy too, we'll have more than enough income to support the baby that's coming. About 15 years ago, the kingdom was suffering a depression, thanks to overpopulation. But after the princess was kidnapped, the economy got worse, and about half of the population disappeared. Some probobally left, the others met a grim fate. But luckily I was able to survive long enough to get this job! Well, work starts tomorrow, so I should get some rest. ~Todd

September 27, 1985
Today we did some training to prepare for real work. This job isn't as simple as it seems. We learned that a bunch of deep pits appeared after the princess was kidnapped, and a bunch of vicious animals roam the area surrounding the kingdom. We were also introduced to the tools we'll be using for the job. Most of them were simple cleaning tools, but they all had sharp tips, used for protecting ourselves from the vicious creatures that we may encounter. The last thing we learned was how to fire a gun, but not for self protection, each gun had only one shot loaded into it. If we were to fall down a pit, or if one of us were mauled by an animal, and we couldn't be reached or rescued... The gun was to stop the pain... for good. I'm a lot more uneasy about the job, but I should be brave. Me and Grace need this money, so I need to tough it out. ~Todd

September 28, 1985
I went to work today, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It turns out the areas that needed cleaning were split into sectors. There were a total of 8 sectors, and there were 4 zones per sector. We started in sector 1-1, the job was pretty simple. I was tasked to pick up all the bricks that fell onto the ground. It seems the plumber that saved the princess had to break a few brick blocks to get through this area, and that left some bricks on the ground. Luckily, there were no wild animals around, so we didn't need to use the spear tips of our gear. I have to say, I'm glad I just needed to pick up bricks, some of the other workers had to scrape animal corpses off the ground. Another unlucky bunch had to use ladders to collect the question blocks that were empty. I guess they needed to be refilled. ~Todd

September 29, 1985
The job just got worse today, we had to go into the sewers to clean up the stuff down there, but the smell was enough to make me vomit. The smell seemed like a mix of rotting carcasses, shit, and rust. We were suppoused to recieve gas masks, but the shipment was delayed. Hopefully we'll get them soon. My job today was to collect the question blocks, they're pretty damn heavy, considering they're made of steel. But they made an odd splashing sound as they moved, and they smelled like... chemicals, I guess. It doesn't matter, I could care less about those damn things, especially after I had to haul a good 8 of them from one side of the sewers to the other. Well, at least we're about half-way done with the sector. ~Todd

September 30, 1985
Today's job was the hardest yet, we had to climb on top of these huge hilltops. My job was to pick up bricks again, I'm glad it wasn't the question blocks again. I filled about 2 bags with bricks. And that was just me, the total amount of bags the entire team filled was about 30. Nothing very interesting happened today, although a few workers were able to leave work early because they had height related nausea or something. Tomorrow is the last sector, and once we finish it, we'll get 3 days off. I better get some rest, because something tells me tomorrow will be pretty rough. ~Todd

October 1, 1985
My guess was right, today's job was pretty rough. The last zone of sector 1 was in a fortress set up by the koopa that kidnapped the princess, the job was not very hard, but a wild animal wandered into the fortress. It was a Goomba, it bit someone, but we managed to kill it pretty easily. Nobody was hurt too bad. I'm glad I get a few days off, I really need it. ~Todd

October 4, 1985
I decided not to write in my diary for the days I was off, because I felt like I should spend more time with my wife. Anyways, I was tasked with cleaning up animal carcasses. It was the worst job yet. The corpses were already rotting, and flies were everywhere. But I was lucky not to end up like Jordan, he was also tasked with scraping up carcasses, but he ended up slipping on a carcass a little bit too close to a pit, and he fell down. In fact, nobody knew he fell until we heard the gunshot. Poor guy, this puts our crew down to 29 people. I noticed a lake nearby, so I guess that's where we'll be cleaning up next. ~Todd

October 5, 1985
I was right. We had to clean up that lake that I mentioned earlier. I had to ride a boat and pick up dead bloopers that were floating on the surface of the lake. It was either that or staying on the shore and picking up the crap that drifted up. I really didn't have a say, because only the few people with sea sickness were allowed to switch from boat duty to shore duty. It doesn't matter to me either way, I kinda liked riding the boat. It was calming... well, other than the dead Bloopers floating around. That about sums up everything for today. ~Todd

October 6, 1985
Today we had to clean up a bridge that went across the top of the river. It seemed easy enough, until Cheep Cheeps began hopping out of the water. I got bit by one that jumped out and latched itself on my leg. I bashed it with my broom that I was using to clean up bricks. Nobody was killed today, but Alison, who was tasked with picking up question blocks, got hit by a Cheep Cheep and fell into the lake. She was eaten up pretty badly, but she was pulled out and she got sent to the hospital. The damn fish manged to chew her down to the bone. Luckily, tomorrow we'll be doing another fortress, so I can stop worrying about the damn fish. ~Todd

October 7, 1985
I guess fortresses don't have any bricks or anything in them, because all we had to do was pick up blocks like last time. I noticed something odd about the blocks today, I accidentally hit a block that wasn't empty and a coin shot out of the top of it. I picked up the coin to put it back in the block, but the coin was kinda slippery... wet to be exact. I opened up the block, and saw what was inside it. It was some sort of yellowish chemical. Formaldehyde is the only thing I can guess. Why would they need formaldehyde in the blocks? Well, it's not my problem at this point, at least I get a few days off, starting tomorrow. ~Todd

October 9, 1985
I knew I said I wouldn't write on my days off, but I've been thinking about the blocks we need to clean up. They started appearing just a little bit before the princess was kidnapped. It could be something the Koopa did to help him kidnap her... but if he did it, then why are WE refilling the question blocks. And why are they filled with formaldehyde? I want answers, but who should I ask about them? Well... I should be getting to bed, my wife is getting restless. ~Todd

October 11, 1985
We lost two more people today. Walter and Steven were their names, I think. Walter lost his footing on a pipe and fell down a pit, and Steven was mauled to death by a Koopa Troopa. We heard him screaming for help, but by the time we killed the Koopa, Steven was dead. I feel bad. Had I been faster, he would have lived. This job is really making me value my life more. I need to be extremely careful, one mistake could cost me my life. ~Todd

October 12, 1985
We had to go to another lake today. I had to do shore duty. I wish I could've been on the boat again, the dead fish and bloopers on the shore rot quicker than those floating on the lake. And the smell is a lot worse, too. I hope I get an easy job tomorrow, I've been getting all the hard jobs for the past few days. ~Todd

October 13, 1985
We had to go to more tall hills again, like the ones back in Sector 1-3. But, I got my prayers answered! I was put on brick duty again. There weren't very many bricks to pick up, and we cleaned up about 3 bags worth. I nearly fell off the hill when I bent down to pick up a brick, I fell foward. Luckily I caught my balance, if I hadn't I would've died. Grace says I should be more careful... She's right... I really need to be mindful of my actions, I don't want to die yet... ~Todd

October 14, 1985
Today we went to another fortress, same old "pick up blocks" as usual. Although one of my co-workers, Dylan accidentally kicked a block and a weird flower popped out. I was suprised that it wasn't a coin. I figured the blocks held coins only. Anyways, Dylan picked up this flower and when he tried to put it back, it shot out a fireball! Luckily nobody got hurt thanks to it, but Dylan decided to try and take the flower for himself. I warned him that he would get into trouble, but he ignored me an put it into his pocket. I brushed it off and continued to pick up blocks. I thought a little bit about the incident, and now the formaldehyde makes sense. If the flower stayed in the block for too long, it would shrivel up and die. The formaldehyde prevents it from rotting I guess. That's one mystery solved. ~Todd

October 17, 1985
We lost another worker today. I don't remember her name, but she was killed by a Spiney. She was walking underneath a set of blocks and it just jumped down and began to maul her. Oh, also Dylan didn't show up today, I guess they caught him trying to smuggle the flower. So, now we're down to about 25 workers. I'm wondering why they haven't replaced any of the lost members yet. Maybe it takes a while to find people? ~Todd

October 18, 1985
I'm getting a little bit uneasy about the blocks and everything we've had to clean up. Today we went into the sewers again, we got to use gas masks this time, and I was put on brick duty. While I was walking, I tripped over a brick I missed. So I picked it up and tossed it at a nearby pipe, in anger. It made an odd noise as it hit the pipe, not the noise bricks make when they hit something, but it's more like a squish noise. Confused, I picked it up again and squeezed it a little bit. It felt kinda squishy, not how a brick should feel. We're usually suppoused to sweep up the bricks and put them into a bag without touching them... was there a reason for this? After that, I picked a few bricks out of my bag and they all felt a little bit squishy. I took off my gas mask and sniffed the brick... it smelled like rotting flesh and blood... I want to tell someone about this, but we're not suppoused to touch the bricks with our bare hands. The only one I told was Grace, but she thought I was pulling her leg. Something is not right about this, and I will get to the bottom of this. ~Todd

October 19, 1985
I wasn't able to check the bricks today, because I was on carcass duty. But I noticed something out of place. We had to climb these giant mushrooms to clean up stuff there, but I noticed something extremely odd. I found a strange rotting pile of flesh near a pipe I was cleaning by. It was too small to be a wild animal carcass, so I poked it with the sharp end of my scraper. Part of it fell off... I kept poking at it until all the flesh was moved away. It was a skull. A toad skull. Not an animal, a fucking toad skull. I called one of my co-workers over to take a look, and he assured me that it was probobally some poor soul who wandered out here and got killed by an animal. But why is it just the head? Where is the body? I will get to the bottom of this. Tomorrow, I'll try to find the truth. ~Todd

October 20, 1985
We went to yet another fortress today, so I figured this was my chance to do some more research as to what was going on here. When nobody was looking I opened a block. A coin was inside, damn. So I opened another, another coin. Finally I opened one last block... it had a mushroom inside... Or so I thought... I turned the mushroom around... It wasn't a mushroom... It had eyes... It was a Toad head... A TOAD HEAD. A FUCKING TOAD HEAD. I began to freak out I looked at the bottom of it, sure enough the place where the neck would be was stitched up. I heard someone walking closer, so I put the head back before anyone could find out. I need to tell the princess about this. The bricks, the mushrooms, all of it... They're made of Toads... Dead Toads... ~Todd

October 21, 1985
I went to the castle today, but it turns out you need an appointment to see the princess. I filled out the papers needed to see her, I should be able to see her tomorrow. I told my wife about everything, and she told me that I need to stop messing with her, and that I shouldn't bother the princess with my stupid jokes, I ended up getting angry at her and yelling at her. She told me that she was going to stay with her parents for a while and left. I know all of this must be hard to believe, but someone needs to know about this. ~Todd

October 22, 1985
I need to make this fast. I don't have much time before they notice the diary and take it away. So I went to the castle for my appointment, and I got to see the princess. She asked me why I wanted to see her and I told her that it was about the bricks and the blocks. She suddenly looked very suspicious and told her guards to leave the room for a moment. Once they walked out, she told me to continue. I explained everything to her, the bricks, the toad heads, everything. She got rid of her delicate, royal personality, and it was quickly replaced by a more vile, dictator-like one. She told me that the entire kidnapping thing was a ruse. She set up the whole thing. The blocks, the animals, it all made sense. That's why the blocks appeared before she was kidnapped. She explained that the plumber was paid to save her. He had no idea he was smashing innocent people's bodies, or that he was devouring the heads of people to grow bigger. I asked her why she did it all. She told me it was to fix the overpopulation problem. They selected people at random to grind up into bricks, or to behead. They took all sorts of people, Children, Elderly, they didn't care. I didn't believe that this was the one ruling our kingdom. She said that it worked suprisingly well, and that she wouldn't mind doing it again if she ever needed to. As soon as I opened my mouth to say something after that, she screamed so loud that it shook me up a little bit. Her guards came rushing in, and she told them that I threatened to kill her. So they grabbed me and took me away. I tried to explain things to them but they wouldn't listen. The execution is tomorrow. I need to te (The entry is abruptly ended.)

October 23, 1985
My husband was killed today. I was given his diary, after they caught him with it in his jail cell. After looking through it... I feel awful. I didn't believe him... I went to the execution in the town square to see him one last time. They explained that he was arrested for attempted murder of the queen. As they put his head onto the guillotine he began to yell to the crowd watching him that he was innocent and that their princess is lying to him. But then he was silenced by the blade. I know that I will be targeted next. They know that I know something about the incident. But what can I do? I'm only a simple peseant. I'm gonna end up just like all those other poor Toads. I know it. Tomorrow I will try to take my mother and escape the kingdom. May god help us. ~Grace Daot '''This is where the diary ends. The following entry is from a seperate diary, but both may relate to one another. - The Archives'''

Markus Diter's Diary - January 18, 1986
Today begins my new job as a question block factory worker. After the cleanup crew finished collecting all the emptied question blocks, block factories opened up all around the kingdom to refill the blocks. We have to put coins, flowers and mushrooms in these things. One of the mushrooms I had to put in a block kinda reminded me of the guy that was executed a few months back. Bah, just a coincidence, I guess. ~Markus