Talk:Brothers/@comment-25021327-20150818212343

I'll echo a few of the other comments here about the sudden shift in tone at the end of this one, but I'll touch on some other stuff to. There are some good points in the setup, the dead/absent parents feel a little cliché, but that sort of thing can work well too, and it explains why other family members wouldn;t realize what was happening. The brothers escaping into a world of gaming is a pretty neat plot element. I was wondering what time this took place as the systems named are pretty old by now.

The game itself (The Adventures of Zero) felt like pretty standard sp00ky game material, bad graphics, protagonist ripping apart cute animals, etc. But it's left kind of vague, so that probably works in its favor. The fact that we don't know about what the game does to the player makes the ending seem abrupt. If the narrator had played the game and we could see what it did to his mind, it might have made more sense.

The ending of this one did feel a little out there. The brother disembowels his father (Apparently in silence since the narrator didn;t hear anything, but later can hear dripping through the door) and hangs himself, and We are really left with no idea why aside from 'lol-evil-game'. It felt a little excessive and silly to me. Also line ''" I vomited and sobbed and decided the best plan of action now was to kill my brother." '' just seemed really arbitrary and weird to me, just kind of unnatural.

Anyway, this one had some good things going for it, but they were overshadowed by the outrageous ending. There were some grammatical errors, but nothing too distracting. The pacing felt pretty good up until the end. Not a bad premise, but the execution could use some work.