Talk:The Spiral Curse (Spiral Knights creepypasta)/@comment-5245439-20140201230645

I'm gonna start out by saying it's an average pasta. 4/10. Now to some more detailed criticism.

First off, I know that everyone deals with grief differently, but why did the protagonist start playing on his brother's Steam account? I can get that he wanted to relay the message about his brother's death, but then he starts playing as his brother? How do the guild members know he's not joking?

The brother's character killing himself sounds almost comical to tell the truth. I'm not sure how realistic Spiral Knights is, but I applaud you for not adding "hyperrealism" in this story. I picture a cartoon character with a sword in his head myself, running around like he's a decapitated Kenny from South Park, but hell, maybe Spiral Knights is graphic. Though I wouldn't know. Be more descriptive about the characters, or perhaps add a picture of the game. The key to creepypasta is imagery.

The kill_ME character, I guess the antagonist, is interesting and enigmatic... too enigmatic. I wonder if s/he had something to do with the plane crash? I wish kill_ME was expanded on. Instead s/he delivers vauge threats that the protagonist simply stops with a block. While this is realistic, as a storywriter, you can employ something known as "suspension of disbelief". If pictures of the plane crash can be put into the game, surely kill_ME could circumvent a block?

The traumatic pictures were put in at a good time, but again, not too much happened with them. The story sort of just... ended.

And here's where the "Average"/"Meh" factor comes in. The protagonist acts like a good little boy and just stops where he is. Does he have psychological damage? Yes. But is he doing anything to his only lead, kill_ME? No.

I see you're trying to follow the formula of realism, but following a formula doesn't make for a good story. Neither does keeping it short. This story is in much need of detail. See any of the Creepypastas of the Month. Most are long-ish, and they're good examples of following a formula, but adding in your own variables. This pasta has standard variables.

To summarize:

Add more details and imagery!

Don't just follow the formula, reinvent the formula!

Don't end the story too soon!

Flesh out your villains more!

This story has a great base, but then it stops. This seems to be a lot of exposition with the climax being the pictures, but even the pictures could be a build-up.

Ah, but what do I know. Perhaps we just have different expectations out of writing and different writing styles. It's good for what it is, but I know it could be so much better.

Keep up writing and the good work! :)