Talk:Flout/@comment-24082398-20150906214738

Finally got it!

What was good? I think this was an excellent pasta in many regards: The fluency of it all, the feel of it all, the creepiness, and the ending. I'll get to each of them in a sec. This story flowed very well, and I didn't feel like I was doing a chore as I read it. Word choice was varied and sentences ran into one another seamlessly. It was a smooth read from start to finish, and that's very important for any story. The feel of it took me a second to get used to. I didn't really like the beginning, because it was so ambiguous, but after the first paragraph I began to really like the feel of this story. The world was pictured very well in my head, and it generated a great sense of creepiness. Speaking of, this made a very noticeable sense of unease in the pit of my stomach. I like how it rose and rose into a tremendous occurrence at the end where everything was warped and the narrator expressed a lot of fear. Not very many stories give me this sense of foreboding like this one did, so well done! Lastly, the ending. I agree with those below me, this concept needs to be explored a bit more, because when it's done successfully, as shown here, it makes an incredible read. The ending made a lot of sense when I got to it, but unfortunately it took away that sense of unease as well since it was revealed to be a couple of pals joking around with their game.

Now, onto the bad. Nothing here really stuck out to me too much; didn't notice any grammatical inconsistencies or anything like that, and no plot holes seemed too evident. I suppose if I nitpicked I could probably find something to gripe over, but I don't want to bring this story down too much. It's too great.

Overall, this gets a 6/7 asses from me, or in more conventional terms 1n 8.5/10. This was an excellent story, and I'm glad you recommended it to me. Yeah, uh, recommended would be the right word... Excellent job!