Talk:The Shadow/@comment-6761334-20130629000110

The story breaks one of the cardnial sins of storytelling, namely "Show, don't Tell." Like most rules, it can be broken. However, it does serve a purpose.

Writing, "My father was a mean drunk" is less often effective than writing "Father almost slid out of his chair as he attempted to sit down. With an awkard jerk, he grabbed the whiskey on the table and attempted to pour himself a drink. Only succeding in quenching the table's thirst with each attempt, he turned to me. 'If you don't get over here and pour me a drink before my throat dries out  I'll beat ya 'til you can say hi to your mother.' "

Just telling us details is rarely scarely or entertaining. Allowing us to discover the details slowly helps make a story engaging.

If  you rework it and put more showing and detail into the story you should get better results.