Talk:Trapped/@comment-4332975-20130323120913

I think I'm getting too good at this game. I figured out the reveal as soon as I saw the words "scientifiic tests". Other than some minor typos, is wasn't that bad. I'd say the biggest shortcoming is a major case of "And Then" syndrome. The story marches pretty uniformly toward its inevitable conclusion, and never really takes its time to build up suspense or tension. So, when the reveal comes, it doesn't hit with as much shock as it could. A good shock story needs to hook the reader and invest them pretty strongly in what's happening, make them worry for the main characer. That way, you get them wondering what kind of hell has the main character been thrust into, who would inflict such madness on them...and when it's revealed to be something "normal" and familiar, the warped perspective becomes all the more stunning. Ideally, the drama should get the reader so caught up that, even if they figure it out, they suspend their disbelief, and willingly forget what they know. Otherwise, it goes from "Mindfuck" to "Can you guess the game before I say an iconic line?" (and I usually win).