Talk:Massacre/@comment-25021327-20150114225909

I personally am ot a huge fan of the Mindfuck genre, as so many stories hinge on a final reveal instead of building a nice story organically around that reveal. This one here left me a little less than impressed.

I feel like the problem here is that this story relies (like I mentioned above) far too much, almost entirely on its twist ending. Reading through this, we know that some kind of reveal is approaching that is (hopefully) tie everything together and make things make sense. By the time I got to the end of this, I honestly didn't really have too much interest in what the secret was.

The story is built so heavily on being a mindfuck that the wording and narrative suffer. The story is worded in such a way that keeps the final reveal hidden, but it is at a cost. We hear so much about THINGS that have no description, that it's hard to imagine what is going on for much of this. The fact that this is kind of short works in its favor.

Also the second line of this story instills in the reader the fact that the narrator cannot hear anything. The Final sentence of the story involves the narrator hearing dialogue between two of the THINGS.... hmm...

In any case, the spelling and grammar here were pretty good, and the pacing wasn't too bad,  jumpy, but not really hard to follow. The descriptions aren't bad, but suffer from the formula of the story preventing them from being more, well... descriptive. I gues this just didn't do much for me.