I'm Sorry

((This is my first attempt at writing a creepypasta, I actually usually don't write anything in this genre, but this idea was something that's been lurking in my mind for over a year and I figured I'd give writing it a shot. ))

I'm sorry. I don't really know what else to say. It's not enough, it can't undo what's done, but I'm sorry. After all, I had a hand in bringing about this disaster, unwilling as I was. I guess I deserve to be trapped here. Trapped in the darkness, unable to hear or see anything. I'm left completely alone, leaving me plenty of time to reflect on the events that lead me here, whether I want it or not. You may  be wondering what I'm talking about. Maybe the shockwaves of this disaster haven't hit you yet and it's only by some strange coincidence that you've managed to find this. To be honest I don't even know why I'm recording my story at all, if there's any point, if anyone will ever find it. I suppose it's a way of keeping myself together for a bit longer. I'd like to say this is an explanation, but how can I explain something I still don't fully understand? That kind of arrogance is what got us into this mess. I suppose more than anything this is an admission of my part, a chance to tell the story as I witnessed it before I'm dead or worse. It's a long story, but if you're willing to hear a doomed girl out I'll tell you.

I suppose it was when my father died that everything went wrong. We were a happy family before that. Mother was a kinder gentler woman, and my brother, although still shy, was more outgoing. It was even easier to handle our status. I mean, it was never really easy for me order the staff around, they may have been lower income and class status than my family, but that didn't mean they did deserve respect. They were people, just like my family, and most of them were older than me so my only authority over them was through accident of birth. I guess that never really sat right with me, this unearned power.

When my father was still alive the atmosphere was far more relaxed, both within our home and within the city. The servants in our home and the people in town didn't insist on treating me with such formality. I liked that. I could even go down to the poorer districts without worry and have pleasant conversations with the residents. No one ever tried to stop me or scold me that it was inappropriate behaviour for a child of my parents' position, especially as a girl. I was free to wander wherever and whenever I wanted, sometimes alone or just with my little brother in tow. There was no paranoia that anything would happen, no obsession with what we might be up to.

All of this changed with my father's death. It came so suddenly, so unexpected it barely even seemed to be real. Within a month of starting to feel ill he passed away, leaving not only our family, but the whole community completely shaken. The doctors couldn't even seem to give us a clear answer on why he had died which only made it that much harder on everyone.

Within a year of his death everything had changed. Since there were no real answers as to how and why he died a sense of paranoia began to spread. People began telling me not to wander like I used to, it wasn't safe anymore, especially when I entered my teens. Perhaps there was a point to their concern on that front. I'm not vain, but I'd be delusional if I didn't admit that I was pretty. Now that I was growing up people were really starting to notice, saying how I was changing from a pretty child to a beautiful woman. Eventually wanderings were restricted to the nearby university and it's library, though that didn't prevent me from wander off to see my friends in the run down area past the city limits. Part of me suspected that it wasn't that they were afraid of anything happening to me,, but that they were afraid I was picking up "bad influences" from lower citizens. Not bad habits, just dangerous thoughts, like us being equals. I guess they didn't realize it was already too late to prevent those idea. Unfortunately someone must have gone to talk to my friends, because even they began to treat me differently. Suddenly they began acting as if I was something superior to them.

"Stop degrading yourselves!" I shouted at them after such an incident.

We weren't that different from each other after all, and I found it rather upsetting that they somehow had been convinced that they were no longer good enough for me. It's not like I was forced to go there, I went by my own choice, I went because I enjoyed their company and cared about them.

It wasn't just the people around my family that began to change drastically. My own family would never be anything like what it had been before. My mother, after a fitful period of mourning and cursing every god she knew,  threw herself into her work, taking over my father's work as well as creating her own projects. At first I thought she was just trying to find a way to cope with Father's death, but it soon turned to something bordering on obsession. My brother became even more withdrawn, turning sullen in the process. Eventually he stopped playing with other children and talking to most people. Aside from me, and occasionally my three favourite teachers, the only company he would accept was that of the small kitten our father gave him. He stopped trying in his studies. People began to treat him differently, even shun him for his poor performance as they thought him incapable of better. Idiots. If things had taken a different path I'd bet he could surpass everyone of them. I'm not just speaking out of loyalty as an older sister. He was a bright boy, he was even beginning to grasp the concepts of some of the things I was studying, things which should have been years ahead of his understanding. My teachers were the only ones who saw his potential aside from me, but people merely laughed when they tried to speak up for him. They claimed it was just our affection for him that made us see it.

However they made no such claim when they realized the talents that I had. I think it was mother's assistant who drew my knack for such things to my mother's attention. Sleazy slimy little weasel of a man. I never really could stand him, even when Father was around. Since Father's death he had worked his way up the chain of command, and had somehow instated himself as my mother's consultant. I don't know why she allowed this, even Father had seemed hesitant to trust him without a second opinion.

Against my will I was pulled into the countless hours of research and experiments. I was quite smart, even better than some of those working for my mother at the time, and I had the talent they needed. It was for the good of all our people, they said, trying to win me over to their way of thinking. I never really saw it that way. Eventually I began to worry about some of the signs that were coming up in the process of my mother's project. Unfortunately trying to reason with her only resulted in me receiving a bitter scolding about knowing my place. Somehow that weasel ended up becoming my supervisor, and he made it increasingly difficult for me to voice my concerns. Eventually I turned to my tutors for support. They too had been monitor the progress of the project, as I found out, and they too were beginning to worry about what the end results maybe. They were worried that we would be unable to contain the power, and that it would have a devastating effect upon everyone in the area. It could potentially destroy the entire area and everyone in it if things went wrong.

We decided to warn my mother and the other of this danger. I couldn't believe it! She knew! They all knew what the risk was, yet they were too arrogant think it would happen to us. My teachers were dismissed. Mother threatened to send away my brother as well, if I didn't cooperate. How could she say such things?! How could she be so cruel to her own children?! Did she think this is what Father would have wanted?!

" That's not our mother! She looks like her, but she's not the same  inside." My brother's words come back to me then. He'd been so angry when he heard I told him I couldn't spend as much time with him anymore, because Mother needed me for her work.

I scolded him for those words, told him he mustn't say such things. But he was right. She might as well not be our mother anymore. She didn't even speak to me anymore other than to give orders or make threats. Father's dead. Mother turned cold and cruel. And now even I must distance myself from my beloved little brother, for his sake if nothing else. My dear brother…Please forgive me for leaving you so alone. I wish it could be different

I remember  time leading up to this disaster so clearly. I was tired and overwork, but I still made an effort to go on outings with my brother, pretend things were still alright for his sake at least, even though my own doubts were eating away at my mind. The events that triggered this  all seemed so innocent when they began.We were at the university, just me, my brother and the kitten, when a small group of strangers arrive. I remember they stood out like sore thumbs, dressed as they were, and even if their clothes hadn't set them apart their physical features and mannerism were outlandish enough even a half blind man would be able to tell they weren't from here.

There were three of them, but from what I overheard them say it seems they had a few more friends waiting for them. I guess they might have come to appeal to my mother and the others. I did hear them say something about talking to the authorities, and maybe getting help. Simple requests that were likely to get ignored these days. They seemed harmless enough when I first met them. There were two girls who seemed to be about my age, a friendly and energetic blonde with a ponytail, and a quieter girl with glasses who was eagerly examining the books on the shelves around her. The third was a cheerful looking young man with unruly hair, who seemed to have a liking for cats, as I saw him stop to pet our cat while at the university, only to be scolded by my brother.

"He only likes me." I heard him declare in an irritated tone. I would have scolded him and apologized to the young man, but before I could move from the bookshelf where I witnessed this I noticed my brother spoke again, though what he said I couldn't be sure. It seemed to have shaken them momentarily, but they seemed to brush it off as my brother darted away, put it down to the behaviour of a sulking child. Now I really wished to go talk to them, to defend my brother for his recent attitude, but before I could make a move a hand grabbed my arm.

" There you are, princess." A mocking voice said behind me and I turned to face my mother's assistant." It's time for you to get back to work."

Reluctantly I followed after him. To my surprise I ran into these strangers once more when I went to see my brother back home before going to our mother.

"Oh! Who might you be?" I asked.

They seemed a little lost, and I would have liked to talk to them, but once again I was called away nearly as soon as the words were out of my mouth. A maid had been sent to make sure I was on my way.

"Forgive me,mistress, but we must hurry. If we're late, I fear I'll be—"

"Of course." I knew my mother's recent mood well. " My apologies."

Who knows what would have happened if I'd delayed that day? Not that I would have wanted that poor woman to be punished for my behaviour, but I've had time to wonder. What if I waited and heard what those strangers had to say? Could that have prevent what happened next? What if I had refused to do as I was told? Could I have stopped this? It's too late now. I can't undo this now.

What happened is burned into my memory. The energy getting out of hand, as we feared. The three strangers were there as well, though their goals now where clearly different from anything Mother planned, trying to intervene but unable to stop the disaster and another, the shadowy man who had appeared a day before them and gained Mother's trust somehow. It was happening before our eyes, the disaster that never should have happened, that we could have and should have prevented. The guilt I felt, as the young man tried to stop it, only to fall to the floor lifeless, and the look of horror on his friend's faces. The anger at my mother's greed and the hatred for myself for allowing this to happen, for being so complacent. The pain as the buildings and seemly the earth itself began to collapse around me, rumble and waves of energy trapping me. All of that repeats in my memory as I was trapped here in this darkness, with nothing but my guilt, anger and shame. I didn't even remember how long I've been here. Did that disaster happen only a few days ago or had been weeks? Months? Years even? I did't know anymore. All I knew is that I'd been living a repeating nightmare in this disgusting warped place, and I just wished it would end.

"Everything should just disappear. It should all be lost forever!" I cried into the darkness around me.

Around me I suddenly heard cries of despair, this time seeming too real to be a figment of my imagination or the ghost of a memory.

" No, don't! Open your eyes! Please, wake up…" A man's voice cried out.

I don't want to. I don't deserve to. Just let me rot here! Let all things perish!!

" No, don't! You can't do this!"

Stop telling me what to do! Too long I've done as I've been told, look where it's got me! I felt anger and frustration serge through me. Cries of pain followed after, adding to my feelings of guilt and anguish. One cry of pain seemed to be followed by someone calling for someone…Calling for me?But why?

Wait…That voice! I knew that voice! Desperately I opened my eyes, looking for the source of the voice. Even encased in this prison I could see them, the strangers from before the accident and the strange man who I thought had worked with my mother. My eyes locked on his.Of course. How could I not have known? Hadn’t we theorized that this energy left unchecked could possibly distort time and space? Hadn't he been there as well when everything went wrong? God, how long it been, for either of us?

Again he called my name, more hesitantly this time, fear and pain in his voice, yet still so desperate for me to see him, recognize him. And I did, despite all that this ordeal has changed him. And how much it has changed me. I realized then that I bore part of the blame for his injuries, having lashed out in the anger I felt towards myself.

I gazed at him sadly. I'd been so worried about him, so desperate to know what had happened to him, focused on my failure to keep my promise as a big sister that I'd been unable to see him even when he was right in front of me. I felt a lump form in my chest as he looked up at me desperate hope shining in eyes that showed much pain and loneliness. How long had he been looking for me? When last I saw him he was just a child, but now standing before me  was  a grown man. I should have been the one to save him. I was the elder sibling. And these young people with them, they never should have been drawn into this. How brave they all were. I called on what powers I had left. I couldn't reverse what had happened, but maybe I could prevent them from coming to anymore harm.

' I'm so sorry, brother.'  The guilt was like a knife in my chest and I couldn't seem to say the words. Everything he's done was for me, but he can never save me. It's too late. I'm too far gone.

"Sooner or later, my consciousness will probably be completely swallowed up by Lavos. Because I myself was the one who, in deepest grief and despair, wished that everything... that even my own existence would be erased... " I admitted guiltily, sorry to destroy his hope, but to lie to him would have been even crueler.

I couldn't do that to him, leave him to keep chasing after some hope that could never be, risking his life, wasting his life for me when it was already too late.

"All of you -- with your power as it stands now, it's impossible for you to free me. No, rather-- For as long as you rely on power, none of you can heal this world's grief, or its despair. For now... back to your own eras with all of you. "

"Schala..." My brother began to protest weakly.

" Janus... thank you. I'm not the same person that I was before... Please, live on and be strong... "

" Schala!? "

"Goodbye... " I  sent them way, back to where they belong and I pray they will be safe.

"Schala--!! " I heard my brother cry once more, but I blocked it out best I could

Again I close my eyes as they began to disappear. Returning to my dark dream prison.

Goodbye, my dear little brother. Please forgive me. I couldn't protect you, I couldn't even stay by your side. I'm so sorry for all the pain I've caused you.

Goodbye, strange travelers. You seem kind. Though you did not succeed, thank you for helping my brother find me, at least I know he survived. Thank you for all you've done, even though you could not save me. I wish I could have met you under happier circumstances. I'm sorry you had to get involved.

And goodbye to you, who were willing to hear to a doomed stranger's story. If my actions, or those of my family have harmed you, know that I am truly sorry. Also know that I  would not blame you if you despise me. I never wanted anyone to get hurt, but I also didn't fight as hard as I could have. I was scared what would have happened had I fought back, but that's no excuse. Others still fought. Part of the blame still lies with me. Again, although I know it is not enough,  I am sorry for any harm I may have brought upon you. And thank you, for listening to my story before it was lost to time or the choices of another's pen when they wrote this history. Maybe it will be enough to prevent another from making the same mistakes as we did. Take care, friend. I hope your fate will be a happier one than mine.

Schala Zeal.

Written by TheElfMaiden