Talk:The Trade Inn Tales Episode 1: Hellnight (PS1)/@comment-25021327-20150207154033

This was a pretty well done pasta. The pacing was consistent, the spelling and grammar were pretty much in good shape, and the descriptions were good.

The story here is nothing groundbreaking; the guy who gets a weird version of a game. And that's fine, that can work well in most gaming pastas. I felt that one detriment here was the opening of the story sort of listing off the typical clichés of gaming pastas, and saying that this story didn't have them. This is sort of an example of "show, don't tell." I would rather have read through this and made my own judgements than be told in the beginning what to expect. This also hurts the story when some gaming pasta clichés actually do show up in the form of "super gory version of normal game," and the monthly appearance at the Trade Inn of the "mysterious box marked 'Games.'"

In any case, the story here worked pretty well, and I imaging this is planned as the opening of a series, which in time may strengthen this particular story in hindsight. I'm not sure how I felt about the running commentary from the narrator and Dan in the form of jokes at the game's expense, I think the intention was to get accross the relationshi[ between the two protagonists, but it made me feel less connected to the story. Just a personal nitpick.

The thing that I liked here were the descriptions of the in game action. Everything was presented pretty well, and I felt able to imagine everything that was being described with little difficulty. Nothing really felt too wordy to me, not too vague. For what this is, it's a fairly standard gaming pasta, and that's not necessarrily a bad thing.