Talk:Sonic the Hedgehog: Abomination/@comment-11366536-20160703012246

Hm, this was a pretty decent read, admittably.

I understood that the central goal of the story was to attempt to write a Sonic-Related creepypasta without relying on cliche's for scares, which is fine and dandy in itself. However, whether the goal was accomplished or not can't really be said here. Sure, there were a low amount of cliche's, but the story itself didn't present too many scares that were effective on the reader. The events in the plot aren't really explained, they just kind of seem to happen then and there which is a shame because it could've provided some good buildup. I also noticed a jump-cut in the middle of the story to save exposition (Originally I meant only to play for an hour and switch games; Before I knew it, I was at the Final Boss) which is a no-no in storywriting. The english itself is also kind of shaky due to mistakes in terminology & pronounciation.

As for the positives, there were very little cliche's present in the story. (Not completely nonexistant, however) The structure of the story itself seems fine, and the grammar itself is pretty much flawless. I especially appreciated the descriptiveness you put into the story in some scenes such as the introduction, where it introduces the events while creating a visual scene in the reader's mind, which is something I honestly haven't seen many people do in awhile. The writing as a whole is for the most part decent, and the story seems pretty well-written minus the aforementioned issues.

Overall, it's a nice attempt at an out-of-the-ordinary Sonic Creepypasta, but it could use some more emphasis on creating more scares, preferrably by adding some buildup.

Final Verdict - 7/10 (Average)