Talk:Serving My Dictator/@comment-6794436-20150818005843

This was pretty decent

Good: For one thing, I was not expecting the ending at all. That caught me completely off guard, and it was actually done effectively for the most part. Even without the mindfuck, this pasta would've still been great, which is something that most other mindfucks can't say, and is something that I think is a huge problem with the genre. This was written quite well, and it also worked as a commentary on the dreadful life of soldiers working under the rule of a tyrant with an iron fist. Overall, I felt as though this pasta was executed nearly perfectly.

Bad: The mindfuck was unexpected and did help the story a bit, but it didn't really make too much sense with the rest of the story. Nothing really in the story eludes to Mario at all, and if you read it again even with the knowledge of the ending, it doesn't really add anything. In fact, it just makes it seem like you threw that mindfuck in last minute to evoke a reaction from the readers, and although it works the first time around, once you read it again knowing the ending, it just feels a bit rushed since there's nothing there to hint at it. That's really the only main problem, but another thing I had a bit of a problem with was the elipses at the end of each line. Also, be warned, this is just me nitpicking. I felt as though the elipses were just annoying at the end of each line because of the fact that in most cases, they were just pointless, although it's not that big of a deal.

Verdict: 7/10- This would've been so much better if the mindfuck made sense with the rest of the story. Other than that major problem though, this was a near perfectly executed mindfuck that was a joy to read.

-Incorrect3