Talk:6 Days (Scrapped novel concept)/@comment-7706473-20140830105929

'''First off, in the future, consider using more tags. I will add the tags 'Creepypasta' 'Creepypastas' and 'Original Story' to this piece for you.'''

I have mixed opinions on this. On the one hand - I love seeing longer entries posted here. On the other hand - this definitely feels like a terminated attempt at a novel, and that's not necessarily a bad thing, but it does mean I can see where ideas were meant to be explored more and they just kind of stop. I think this could definitely do with some trimming and once-overs, as there are a lot of places where word-walls could be broken into paragraphs, punctuation tweaked, and ideas fleshed out OR combined together to streamline into a tighter piece.

Some of the sillier parts of the piece are the none-family characters - I openly laughed at Mr. President whenever he appeared. Although I can believe that the US government might lose cohesion in the face of total population destruction, his speech announcing the 'combustion bombs' seemed somehow... Funny? I don't know, I'm fairly certain it would be an appointed speaker, with the various political and military brass long since secreted to some hidden bunker in the Rockies. There were also times when the tense switched, and though that normally doesn't bother me, it sometimes took away the 'agency' of the story.

The best parts were definitely the family themselves, however. Luc' and Anthony were a pleasure to read, and I truly worried about what might happen to them. The ending left me wondering what exactly did happen, and if the survivors were in fact the last people on earth, minus other anomalies who developed resistance. Gina died off way too early for me to take her death seriously; it kind of felt like 'oh, woops, mah wife diiiied oh no' but on the other hand, I did believe that our narrator felt pretty torn up about it.

Again, there was a lot of strong stuff in here - it's the kind of story that I think resonates with a lot of people these days. That being said, I definitely think you could tighten it up; perhaps cut a lot of the action sequences and focus more on the family and their struggles. It doesn't need to be changed plot-wise, however; that's just what I would do. I would still break up the story into smaller paragraphs and go over it for spelling and grammar, but as it is, it's a pretty solid short story, and I enjoyed reading it!