Gaia Theory Revisited

From evidence seized on the raid on Professor Rupert Muldoon's residence, article 4.

A Re-Imagining of Lovelock and Margulis
Good evening, everyone. I'm so glad you could make it today; there's a lot we've got to cover, and I know you're as excited to be here as I am, so let's get to it! You didn't fly out here just to listen to some old man blather in the Miami heat, did you?

Pause, allowing for audience laughter, turn on slide A.

I'm sure most of you are aware of the basic tenants of Gaia Theory, so I'm not going to bore you with the details on our living, breathing world. The idea that the world is a living being, or that it is influenced by living beings, is neither new or particularly revolutionary. In the old days, when we didn't know any better, we might call them spirits or angels; in this day and age, we can call them biota and conditionals. But it is all the more relevent now; as you can see with the various conditions present on the map, Gaia isn't doing so well.

One of the main criticisms of the theory at the time it was presented - and now, because apparently anyone save the most conservative of biologists is another Lysenko - is that it is both too arbitrary, too pre-deterministic, and yet there is little evidence in favor of the theory. I can't address the former, I'll admit, so I'll leave that to smarter people who challenge other non-hypothetical theories of equal arbitrariness... Like gravity.

Pause, for further laughter, turn on slide B.

But quite a lot of evidence has been gathered since the days we first discussed the idea of a sentient, or semi-sentient ecological system running on guided rails. It's hard to believe that in today's modern world, there are people who can't see how our little theory is not only relevent, but more important then ever. With the recent spate of ecologically and environmentally driven attacks, it's clear we need to devote a lot more effort into understanding the how and why of our world - not just the way things happen, but the way they are influenced.

On the above slide, you'll notice just how many deaths have occurred in the last few months. Yes... So many deaths.

Sad, isn't it?

Pause, somber silence.

Now, this is where I was going to tell you that we can change things if we just act now - if we learn how to live in concert with our planet, but I'm not going to!

Pause, allow for laughter.

And you know why, it's because, it's ridiculous that people can't realize just how screwed we are! How blind do you have to be to ignore all the signs?

Flip to slide C.

Look at this. No, don't look away, LOOK AT IT.

This is just a slide of a certain artifact that I'm going to be putting on display; it's the one we scraped up off of the sludge on the ocean floor after that horrible accident in the Baltic. Yes - 'accident'. Don't look away - I know that you know, that we all know, that it wasn't an accident.

And yet even with this - an image of an image of a bygone time, you can tell, can't you? The artful curvatures of the emerald leaf, the tiny rythmic grooves that spin so elegantly, just like the earth itself. And when you see your face reflected in it, you can feel them, can't you..?

Crawling everywhere.

Under the street, through the air, inside of our skin.

They're everywhere! Goddamnit, they're everywhere!

Inside you, and you, and me, and everyone!

Inside all of us!

Moving and growing and dieing by the billions!

And yet even now, those frauds in the peer review refuse to give even acknowledgement to the idea that they might be wrong; they're terrified of admitting the truth, that their humano-centric view of the world is as ridiculous as heliocentricism was so many years ago. They're terrified of admitting that they might be in danger. They're terrified of the truth.

But we're going to set the truth free right now, you and I. I don't even know why I'm writing this down anymore, but I know you're reading it - I know you're looking at my hand shaking, and counting every wrinkle, aren't you? Damnit, I'll shatter you into a thousand pieces and hide every piece in a different spot in the world, and then no one will listen to you! You'll fade away just like everything else, won't you? Won't you?! YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER ME!

So why is it that whenever I shut my eyes I can hear your breathing in the open window, see your smirk in the cuts on the walls? Damnit... Damnit!...

We'll kill you first, before you kill us. I promise. I After Muldoon's murder-suicide, those who knew him were quick to mention his lack of understanding of Gaia Theory or indeed any Earth science, conventional or theoretical. He had been granted a speaking position due to advancing age and a record number of self-published treatises, and was known to be a calm and kind man who disliked confrontation. Muldoon had no immediate relatives that could be found or reached; claims of any sort of accident in the Baltic were disproven, and no record of any disc or the proposed slides could be found. The Professor managed to defend his hotel room for eighteen hours before succuming to a self-inflected wound. Written with an unknown ink on the wall were the words 'It turns.'