Talk:Pokemon Tarnished Leaf/@comment-26297971-20151001231139

"I read the manga, so I knew all about Leaf" Apart from the fact that her name is actually Green, if you're going by the manga and not fanon. (I will henceforth call her Green for this review)

The random making Green and Red cousins feels pointless, especially as their interactions shown in story don't give the vibe of cousins, and quite frankly, Green's dialogue at Victory Road made her look like an even ruder rival than Blue.

Next, it's said that you face off with Green throughout the game, but you don't elaborate on it. At what points does she face you? How does she act as a rival? As far as the writing goes, one can only assume either an endurance contest where one beats Blue, and then Green immediately battles afterwards, or that all rival battles are now Double Battles where Blue teams up with Green.

After the apparent only Green battle where Blue is not involved, we see Green suddenly tell Red to come to her house. The ellipsis make this line look creepy in tone, and I can only wonder what rational player would go to Green's house after such a creepy message.

The flight back to Green's house shows that there is a funeral for her. What? With the flying back, while she apparently walks back, one would assume Red would have gotten there faster than Green. Next, this funeral is mere minutes after she died. Funerals are planned affairs, and generally happen after at least a week, so people have time to adjust to the situation.

Next, the 'spooky' fight against Green's ghost is very clearly ripped off from "Wally", which, while I don't consider it a great pasta, was at least more impactful, since Wally is a character that the fans would know well, and already felt sympathetic towards. There is no impact with this story's version of Green, as we don't know her that well, and, as stated above, the story's dialogue made her come off as a real dick. Follow up with randomly gaining Green's urn, which seemed to exist more for shock value than anything else. Also, why do get an urn of her, when she was in a coffin. Is she getting buried or cremated? Make up your mind about the plot before you write it out.

Last of all, Red putting the (stolen) urn in the Hall Of Fame served no purpose other than reminding us that Green spontaneously died.

All in all, this was rather badly planned out, and poorly written to boot.