Talk:Soul Sand/@comment-6794436-20150810190946

Creeper, it's great seeing you improve with every pasta. From your (honestly) trash pastas in the beginning, to this!

Good: This was written excellently. The descriptions given, at least in the beginning, really set a picture in the reader's mind. This also was written very fluently, and at least for the beginning, really didn't feel too choppy. The plot was quite unique, and it was also quite enjoyable. The idea of the souls being trapped in soul sand being in constant suffering is pretty interesting, and I'll admit, from what you said in the chat, I didn't know how you were going to be able to pull of a decent story with this plot, but you damn sure pulled it off! I've also got to give you props for writing one of the only good MC pastas I've ever read.

Bad: You know how I said the descriptions were great, at least in the beginning? Well, there's a reason for that. After the exposition of the story, the descriptions become quite lackluster. If there was someone reading this who hasn't played Minecraft, they wouldn't really feel the terror that the main protagonist would feel as he entered the hellish landscape of the Nether. The soul sand also could've used a lot more descriptions, and that part of the pasta, which should've been the best part, just felt rushed. The whole ending really felt rushed, as there never was any time to feel the fear that the main character was feeling, or the pain he was feeling as he met his untimely demise. You also didn't really have to have the souls in the soul sand come out and say that they were the souls of the deceased, you could've just left it to be implied, and I think that would've made a better story. The writing, once again, after the exposition, became a bit sloppy and choppy. Some sentences were cut short by a period that wasn't needed, you used than instead of then, and there were a few other cases of grammatical errors. It really showed when you started rushing through the pasta and when you took your time to write it. This pasta overall wasn't very creepy, mainly because the great plot wasn't really executed in the best way it could've. I feel like maybe a first person perspective could've worked, and a lot of other parts of the story could've been fleshed out more.

Verdict: 5.5/10- Although this plot could've been executed better, this still was an enjoyable read that was far above many other Minecraft pastas. I would've given this a 6 or a 7 if it wasn't for what I felt to be a rushed ending and the lack of creepiness.

-Incorrect3