Talk:Old Fashion/@comment-6470295-20130213204445

Now, sorry if i seem a bit harsh. Just trying to give you constructive criticism, and tips in order to make future writings better;

Try to write things a bit longer. This one isn't so much of a big deal: Some short creepypastas are awesome! But the thing is, it doesn't give enough time for build up. Unless you can fit a few hundred words of build-up in a less-than-1000-words-story.

And, with my amazing segway there, i am led to my next point, build up. There's little to no build up in this story, which doesn't give it that scary feel. The extent of the build up is "Hm, this has colors OH NO MICKEY WHY!". Please, when you're writing a creepypasta, give thought to the build up. It's the most important part of a creepypasta, by far.

And then, the amazing one and only..."Oh no, bloooooooooood and smileyfaces!". This is another really bad thing in a creepypasta: When the fear is based on blood and smiley faces. I don't know about other readers here, but for me, blood is just this thing where i could swim in it, and while i'd be disgusted to no end, i wouldn't be scared.

Finally, the last point i don't like about this, is the formatting. There's a clear overuse of the "DOT DOT  DOT DOT DOT DOT" syndrome here. Now, this is the least important of the bunch, and i don't really mind it since it doesn't take away from the feel of a story that much. But yes, again, it doesn't really matter here since i assume the moderators are not as strict as on the CreepypastaWiki where if you have one error, they remove the story.

Overall, while this is a very slim package of cliché-flavored beef jerky, this isn't too bad for a first   creepypasta. It's not what i'd call "Very good", but it is at least what i would call "Enjoyable". Let's say i didn't want to rip my eyes out like i often do with creepypasta these days.

On a scale from one to a hundred, i give this story a 15. Again, not because i want to shred your feelings with a blender, but because it's basically a cliché with no build up.

Please, don't take this personally. I'm only trying to help you get better at it, and i hope you can understand that i don't have anything against you or your writing capabilities. I can't state enough that i don't want you to feel like i'm attacking you or flaming you. Just doing my best to help you get better at writing these and at capting what is scary, and what isn't.

Have a good day, sir or madam. I hope to read more of you in the future, and hopefully you'll have taken my advice into account.