Talk:My Average Day/@comment-25021327-20150519140027

I enjoyed reading this one. I thought it was pretty well paced, and flowed well, with some good descriptions. I liked some of the liberties you took with the source material, especially the neighbor being the romantic fixation of the narrator. Things like that kept this piece fairly interesting for me.

Not being a huge fan of the mindfuck genre as a whole, it can sometimes be hard for me to fairly assess stories like this. One thing that may count against this is that I feel like most people will be able to put the pieces of this together fairly early on, making some of the events in this story feel a little heavy handed. And I feel like this plot is something that I've seen done before. Once we know who the narrator is, it can be hard to keep us interested, so I think it was good that you threw in stuff like the romantic interst, the narrator's inner monologue about his deadbeat friend, and the like.

I can see that with the ending you did attempt to make the reveal more relevant than just telling the reader what many of us already knew. You put in the little bit about why the narrator might have been given his "nickname," which I think gave the twist ending a little more juice than typical mindfucks. Did I like the story? Sure, but was my mind fucked? Not especially. Which is one of the reasons I don't like the term Mindfuck getting thrown around so often as it does.But that's neither here nor there... I'm rambling.

Nothing groundbreaking here, but a pretty solid effort :)