Talk:Devil's Incarnate/@comment-25021327-20160825001222

This one is a pretty interesting puppy. There's a lot in here to think about. The format here is a little tricky for a written piece. This narrative would probably work much better as a spokem-word piece, like beat-poetry. There are not any particular rules when it comes to writing, so it isn;t like anything is wrong, in my opinion though, as a written piece, it feels onfocussed at times for example the way it slips into a rhyme scheme, the way it seems to drift between literary narration and surrealism. But again, as I said, as a performance piece it is probably much stronger.

As it continues on, it seems to figure out what it wants to do, and becomes more of a typical poem with a pretty concise message. I felt like the theme toward the end of this one was getting close to being a little heavy handed and blatant after the vagueness in the beginning, but I think it's a pretty good message that we don;t see a lot in this style of writing.

There were some issues with grammar in this one, not too many so as to be very distracting. Toward the end, the term "take for granite" is used when it ought to be "take for granted." and, this is probably just a personal gripe or nitpick, but the title bugs me. I mean, yeah it sounds good to the ear, but grammatically it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Incarnate is an adjective, and not a noun (incarnation). So the devil's incarnate reads oddly to me. As if one were to say "the mailman's shiny." It's incomplete and sounds strange. I doubt others will be as bugged by it though.

In any case, I was glad to have read this one. I read it twice in order to give this review, but I probably missed some stuff anyway. Like I said, it's interesting and a pretty engaging read that probably works best as a spoken piece, but still has merit as a creepypasta-poem.