Talk:Living in the Game/@comment-25021327-20141227230532

Added Needs Work cat.

This pasta could use some work. The grammar, is in rough shape and was distracting while I was trying to read this. There are several run-on sentences that would work better trimmed down into a few shorter thoughts. There are many capitalization issues throughout, "I" when used as a pronoun ought always be capitalized. In addition, the format is a little tough on the eye, perhaps break this into a few more paragraphs to make it more accessible to readers.

There were a few issues that just warrant some proofreading things like; ''   " NO WAY I YELLED." (I imagine you probably want to take "I yelled" out of the quotation marks)  '' are just silly mistakes. A little proofreading could go a long way here.

As for the story itself, it's not too bad. Pretty standard stuff, nothing great, but nothing really cringe-worthy as far as the plot goes. Most of the issues I have here are with the spelling/grammar/ and format. With a litle proofreading, from the author, or benevolent wiki users, this could likely come out of "Needs Work"