Talk:Eliminator/@comment-13205380-20130821042952

not bad but lacking much. to help drive the point home with a story like this, include images of said cartridge and possible pictures of the in game events. Additionally, provide evidence showing not only the game is real but also of the murderer or case revolving around the story.

I wasn't sure how to take the narrative and it would help to establish with whom the reader will be following for the story just to ease them into a small comfort which will be taken later. Also the whole gun in a closet thing I don't buy for the reason of a) you seem far too young to own your own weapon yet and b) what person would go out and investiage if a killer was stalking around the house.

There is a bit of a cliche' here with the game being too reflective of local events or the gaming having an effect in the real world. Try and avoid this if you can for future pastas unless you can throw a great twist on it.

All in all it was an okay read.