Talk:What Sonic Means to Me/@comment-8470110-20151117075422

The first three quarters of this story builds up really nicely. It's going to take advantage of that, right? Right? Unfortunately, that's not what happened. Instead, much like the Sonic franchise lately, this story fell on its face during the final paragraphs.

Starting with the positives, this pasta had an excellent opening with a relatable protagonist. It's many gamer's dreams to one day work on their own games or work for head-honcho companies such as Nintendo and SEGA so props on that. There was character background as well which felshed him out better. The world building was also done fairly well with good description all the way through with spikes of specific details here and there. The build up was also done nicely as the tension was building up to the climax of the story. It keeps the reader interested, engaged. It made for an enjoyable expereince, to say the least. That is, until the final quarter of this story.

As soon as we hit the "climax" in the final seven paragraphs, the story takes a massive nosedive in both storytelling and quality. The first 75% of this story was building up and leading to what should have been a series of events that got more intense as they went which sets itself up to the character then walking away from the company. Instead, Tails tries to mow down Sonic in a biplane, Todd freaks out, leaves, we discover that SEGA was actually partook in cannibalism and our protagonist supposedly goes insane. That one event of Tails attempting to run Sonic over was enough to make Todd walk out and need a breather? That one, tiny, out of place event which should have been the first of many events? That's what sets him off? And then, the concept of cannibalism is thrown into the story all the way from left field when absolutely nothing in the story even alluded to that. The entire ending just felt clunky and out of place.

There were also a few spelling errors (COO of SEGA when it should be CEO of Sega, for example), some sentences where words get repeated ( It would be strange to your fans if you released this to your fans and they had to go through this bullshit.”) and signposting (" Now I'll give you some background as to where this all began." There are better ways to introduce these elements without such blatant exposition) and all of this can be fixed through some editing. They aren't major, however it does makes for better presentation.

Overall, I do see potential in this story. As I have stated, it has great build up, a good protagonist and the world building is done properly. However, the slapped-on ending and concepts destroy what was set up in the first 75% of the story and ruins the story for me. If the ending was longer, had more events that gradually got worse to drive Todd over the deep end, introduced core concepts that are important to the ending (cannibalism) through those events and played the tension created in the beginning to its advantage, I have no doubt that this could become a very good pasta. However, as it is now, it's only okay.

Rating: 4/10

-Sshakenbakee (Head New User Advisor)