Talk:Realm of Fantasy/@comment-25021327-20150115160303

I had a feeling that behind the massive walls of text here, that there was something that might be good. As I read this while reformatting and prooreading it, I feel that my hunch was correct. I liked this a bunch. I have a love of exploring abandoned places as well, and I'm usually up for the adventure of searching around the derelict, sometimes dangerous structures/areas.

So the plot and setup worked well for me, and I was very interested to read the descriptions of the park, which I felt were well done. I was able to imagine all the sights and sounds being written about with ease. The vocabulary used here was nice.

Spelling, grammar, and clarity were in good shape (although being American some of the alternate or Canadian spellings baffled me, but I checked, and they seemed legit... you win this round Canada...) and there were no distracting errors. The pacing was pretty even, and though others may feel that the story drags in the beginning, I didn't think so. I tend to enjoy slower pacing in stories.

However, HORY FUCK the formatting! The way this looked when it was first posted was an abomination! The strange, bold typeface and walls of text could have gotten this one a pretty swift deletion, and I was hoping that the original author would come back and fix it. I'm also surprised that the default Video Placeholder didn't instantly get the Mr.Trolololo treatment x3 I'm glad I remembered to coe back and check this out to do some formatting beore it got deleted. The author ought to sign this piece as well.

Now that that's out of the way, more on the story. I liked the style, and felt that the narrator was a pretty good character (sometimes they can be nondescript, or even annoying) and this was an eays read for me. One thing I will note about the narrator is that, as an explorer of abandoned places, he ought to come more prepared! A pair of bolt cutters, or channel locks, a screwdriver, small hacksaw and maybe some tape or paint to mark his path, but maybe he was worried about getting busted for vandalism as well as tresspass.

This one had a nice build, and by the end I was zipping through, feeling very engaged by the action, chases, and fights (though maybe a bit over the top, I felt they all still fit with the tone of the story.) Also there were some parts where I started to actually feel creeped out, swimming through the stagnant murky water had me squirming a bit.

I feel that the author here really wanted to have this take place in a proper Disney park, but realized that would make it harder for the reader to swallow. So what we get is pretty much a ripoff, complete with the Small World attraction. I wasn't too bothered by this, and felt that it kept the story from feeling too outlandish (as an abandoned Disney park will likely never exist!) But I still felt like the mascot dog and hedgehog were surrogates for Mickey.

I've blathered on enough... In all, I must say that I got a kick out of this one. I felt that it did quite a few things very well, and I'm very glad that I read it, and I hope others will read it as well.