Talk:We've missed you.../@comment-29502200-20160823225409

My review on the story

Title: Needs an ever so slight change. It's an interesting title, but it would deffinitly pop out more if you reworded it to something like "Oh, We Missed You"

The ryhming works, but I don't like it. There is nothing wrong with the rhyming scheme of AA,BB,CC,DD, etc. a lot of writers use it. With a peom this long however, the rhyming gets boring. I'd recommend setting up paragraphs with different rhyme schemes.

The rhythm is nice and on beat.

The ending seems lackluster. "The pain becomes worse. This is our curse." sounds like a massive letdown of an ending. Add bigger words to make the ending really stick out. Even something like "this is our eternal curse." would make it stick out 5 times as much.

Overall Review: 6/10 - The rhyming works, but it's boring. The story it tells is interesting. The ending feels like a let down.