Talk:Somniare Mors/@comment-24181739-20150913205610

I-I feel a little violated.

Problems

Issue 1: The grammar is weird. Just... weird.

It's not bad, not good, honestly, it just feels awkward and off-putting.

Issue 2: Word Choice

The word choice... isn't fantastic. The final sentence has some pretty odd word choice for being the final sentence of a short story.

NOTE: The vocabulary is not what I'm talking about. It's how the words were USED. The vocabulary is just fine!

Issue 3: Plot. What the fuck is it?! I don't really understand.

Issue 4: This pasta leaves so many questions and untied strings.

Virtues

Virtue 1: Seems like at least a little of a decent idea... just excecuted mediocrely.

Virtue 2: If you're trying to make me feel a little bit dirty, as the character does... you suceeded.

Virtue 3: There is a semblance of a pretty good story, this just feels like an aftermath of that story.

Overall ranking: 5.8 / 9.5 (61.05%, D-.) 

"Just needs some things to make it truly great."