Talk:Abused Flareon/@comment-28195971-20160508185718

The story is pretty good, but it's kinda cliché.

Clichés, in case you decide to fix them:

666 and 13.

Preowned video games (at least you didn't buy it at GameStop or on eBay).

Okay, that's all. I guess, technically, the story being about a Pokémon that wants you to love it is kinda cliché, but it didn't make this story seem like as much of a copy.

Also, mentioning in the middle of the story that you like Umbreon isn't really good storytelling in my opinion. It makes it feel like you just added it in so the story could progress the way you wanted. Maybe at the beginning, you should make it seem like it's very important to your character to get an Umbreon in the game.

That is all.

NOTE: I'M NOT TRYING TO OFFEND ANYONE, THIS IS JUST MY OPINION! PLEASE DON'T TRY AND START AN ARGUMENT. If you have your own opinion, that's fine! I am still going to stick to my opinion, though.