Talk:Unheard Messages/@comment-25021327-20150110214248

I thought this was a pretty good read. I felt the descriptions were pretty well done here, fairly concisely written, fitting with the short length of the pasta. The pacing was quick, and a little jumpy, but that's to be expected due to the nature of the story here, once you get to the phone messages, you pretty much want to keep things building pretty fast, so I don't count that against this.

One thing I would like to have known would have been the times that the messages were left on Dave's phone. I mean, it's not a vital detail, and maybe it would have slowed down the pacing more than you wanted, but I ust felt kind of curious as to the timeline of events between the first and last message which were presumably left several hours apart.

I felt that the last line felt a little silly, to me it came across as a kind of "You're Next!" type thing. I feel (this is simply my opinion) that the terror of knowing that something has happened to a loved one while you were passed out drunk is greater than finding that the perpetrator has come for you as well. It evokes a sense of shame as well as fear. But like I said, that's just me. And I realize that without a line like this at the end, most people would probably think the ending was weak.

There was a bit of stretching of the suspension of disbelief thinking about Adrianna continuing to call her drunk boyfriend through the night instead of multiple 911 calls, or contacts to other friends or people at the party. But she was most likely drunk or high also, and probably in a panic, so it really isn't a big deal. Also, if she calls the cops and everything works out rosey, there isn't much of a story! XD

So, after all that nitpicking, I'll reiterate that I did in fact like the story, and I think it's a nice change of pace from the stuff I've been reading lately. It branches out from personal fear into the sense of powerlessness of being indirectly reaponsible for the harm of another, and for many, that is a more real horror.