Talk:Mario Party/@comment-8470110-20140525062503

While the concept was original as far as I know, I thought that the execution wasn't that good.

When there should have been more details, there was little and vice versa. There was an inconsistant blend of detail and being cryptic. The plot didn't go very far and the lack of important details didn't help. The story jumped from setting to setting with no clear transitions so that made me confused. Same goes for the ending; it left me with more questions than answers. Was Michael Bowser? Is he possessed? Is Luke still dreaming? It all led to an anticlimactic and confusing ending.

There were a few too many grammar and spelling errors but they aren't incredibly offensive. If you can change those as soon as possible, that'd be greatly appreciated.

As for clichés, I don't think there were many I could find, maybe only one or two. So props to you for your first story had very little clichés. For that, I'm proud of you!

All in all, this story was a confusing mess. It has a good concept for sure, but the lack of build up and important details made it less enjoyable. If you take that into consideration while editing this and writing other stories, you'll be all good. Best of luck to you, my friend!

Rating: 3/10

-Sshakenbakee (Head New User Advisor)