Talk:Unique Addiction/@comment-29502200-20160927031841

I saw the story and thought "oh god this is going to be long and boring," but I'm glad to actually read it... Review time.

Title: The title alone is what made me want to read a story this long, good job with that.

Intro: It's done well, you caught my attention.

Body: It's long, but nowhere in this story does it drag out. You summarized everything that needs to be said, and I appreciate that you used very little filler.

Ending: It sets us up for a sequal. It's not perfect, but it works.

What I didn't like: You used the phrase " I found out that I am bi-polar and a paranoid schizophrenic." Now this is my personal opinion, so you can choose whether or not to listen to it. This story would have been more satisfying if you replaced Bi-Polar and Schizophrenia, with Autism. IN MY OPINION, this story explains what it's like to suffer from Aspergers/Autism to near perfection. Being a loner, becoming asexual, being bullied, becoming physically violent, losing track of life-scarring ordeals. Even the way everything is written is presented in a way that someone with autism would write it; and, that is the stories greatest strength. Being someone who was "diagnosed with autism" as a child, this story relates to me on a personal level, and I love it.

I also don't like how you said the phrase "the N word" near the end of the story. Just say nigger. The word Nigger sticks out and grabs people's attention. You are telling the role of a hardened criminal, he would have no reason to censor himself. People may get offended if you say it, but so what. Nigger is a word, if they don't like it, too bad.

I also didn't like the laughter, but that's more personal preference then story preference.

Overall Review: 8/10 - It's about time someone made a good journal entry about a prisoner.