Talk:Hacker/@comment-6761334-20130929125444

As I  believe in being constructive, I like the basic idea behind the pasta. It gives an explanation for many of the other creepy pastas about haunted games. And, it does it in a way that is somewhat plausible. Instead of having the clished clerk be a passive bystander, he is the real antogonist of the story.

However, the story, as submitted, is unacceptable. I fixed some of the spelling for you. I also took a stab at the grammar, until I realized how bad it was. The story needs another draft or revision. All the ideas are there, but it is so hard to decipher the meaning because of the grammar.

Learn how to break an idea down into its' components. You seem to like run-on sentences. Often, your sentences can be broken into several individual parts. And too often, the individual parts are able to stand as a complete idea on their own. If you were going for a stylistic train-of-thought inner monolgue I would advise against it.

Also, you need to use spellcheck. It is really easy to do and very important. Firefox and chrome can spellcheck as you type. If you are using the source editor, chrome will show ou which words you get wrong.

Please take the time to revise your story and fix the issues.