Talk:My Summer Job - A Five Nights at Freddy's Creepypasta/@comment-25298353-20141005005248

Let me just say, right off the bat, that you definetely have writing talent. The story is coherent enough to follow.

That being said, I would not have chosen the premise. I understand that it's a creepy game, but everyone KNOWS it's a creepy game. If you write a story that does nothing but emphasize its creepiness, people will get bored really quickly, because they could just play the game instead.

They key is suspense. In this story, for instance, the focus is clearly on Mike just trying to survive each night. What if it was on an untold aspect of the game, or take a different spin on it? Mike developing a series of hallucinations, for example, would be creepy. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees Freddy's face. If the focus was on, for instance, Mike's increasing paranoia and anxiety, then it would have the potential to be a really intriguing psychological story.

But that's just my two cents. The best advice is to keep writing.