Talk:Mario's Secret/@comment-25021327-20141231002558

This story could use some work. The format is spaced out kind of strangely instead of grouped into paragraphs, but that isn't too distracting. It could also use some further proofreading as there are some typos, punctuation, and capitalization issues.

As for the story, it feels rushed and pretty cliché. Right from the beginning there is the pretty overused trop of the gamer who absolutely loves a game, but after this experience will never play that game series again. This plot point has been done to the point of feeling tired and uninspired. Some other cliché moments include the gory imagery of the game characters, and the game making threats to the player.

I was also a bit confused about the game in question. It is listed as Super Mario World, Which is a SNES title, but the player says he is playing it on a Gameboy. But I might be missing something.

I've added the Needs Work category to this story, as I feel that it isn;t up to the quality standards of the Wiki. I would recommend taking some time and working on this pasta. Do some more proofreading, maybe try to make some things feel more original. Perhaps lengthen this story and add some to it.

If the story is not deemed sufficiently improved in approximately 9 days, it will face deletion.