Talk:Terror Lane Released/@comment-4332975-20130307163251

The initial setup seems rather contrived, and skirts dangerously close to trying too hard territory. There were some good original parts in the middle with the strange glitches, but you don't really do all that much with them. Also, I don't remember it mentioning he couldn't name his character, but later on it mentions that Ben could name himself but not his rival, and is phrased in such a way that it seems to imply that previously the reverse was true. Finally, towards the end it got to such overused blood, gore, and "meaningful Pokémon team" clichés that it broke the tension and was actually a bit of a let-down. I think, with the opening about the power of our mind, you were trying to suggest he created all that through the creepypasta he'd been exposed to, but the story doesn't really manage to convey that at all.

Then there's the ending. This one deserves a new line to itself. The ending...was honestly not scary. It actually came closer to making me laugh than anything else. Virtually any ending would be better than this. Something to tie it back to the introduction most of all.