Talk:Lucaria.pkm/@comment-11079349-20131011012505

just a few things, nice creepypasta, but you should honestly save the "if mutahar reads this, I'll piss myself" for your home page.

This honestly makes me sad, and reminds me of this fan fiction of pokemon I'm writing. The only problem I have with it is that Zeydia commit suicide before andrew actually did anything. sure, he had "Lucaria" at the front of his party and had a single dream of her, but he hadn't completely forsaken Zeydia yet. Sure she turned Rash, but suicide isnt rash. personally i would call suicide a naive or lonely nature action. Also, take out the jokes. They subtract from the overall sadness of the story and damage the story in general.

overall, I'd give this 8/10 because while a bit jumpy and a bit hasty, you managed to create a good, sad creepypasta. (Honestly i thought this was going to be a "This pokemon mudered this other pokemon" type of creepypasta. glad to see i was wrong.)