Talk:Iron/@comment-24082398-20160714022846

7/13/2016

I'm gonna drop in a Needs Work tag here. The grammar is really iffy. Punctuation was really odd, and there were numerous typos and run-on sentences all around. The story also moves really quick, and there's no time for buildup at all. Everything just sort of... happens. It was also a bit lacking on the creepiness, in my opinion. The layout is also sort of weird. Paragraphs are the bare minimum of sentences they could be.

All in all this story could use just a few minor touchups. If the grammar and layout alone were to be fixed, this would be passable. This will face deletion in about seven days if it isn't up to snuff!