Talk:You Are Not Perfect/@comment-25021327-20141223150227

I thought this was a pretty good read. The story felt a little cliché at the beginning, but as things started to come together, everything that happened had a distinct reasoning behind it, and wasn't ust thrown in for scares.

The pacing here was pretty consistent, and I felt it worked well for the story's length. The descriptions were pretty good, could have been more detailed (thought I've never played Diddy Kong Racing), but they were good enough that I could envision evrything that was being described.

There were some typographical mistakes, but I was going through and proofreading as I read the story (just something I typically do) so things should read a little bit better now. And as the story was initially, the spelling/grammar was not really distracting from the story.

This pasta had a pretty nice balance of realism, and suspension of disbelief. Though the phantom voice on the other end of the phone felt a little silly. Although, I guess that's not really any more unrealistic than a video game changing, and communicating a message to its player. I guess that phone call is just a nitpick, as I see why it is here. The narrator forgetting his brother had died 5 years prior seemed odd, but I understand why it is stated.

What I liked most about this was how things pretty much tied themselves up in the end in a way that mostly made sense. Things didn't feel shoehorned in to me. And although I guess this qualifies as a mindfuck, it doesn't really hinge itself solely on a big reveal at the end.

In all, I enoyed this one :)