Talk:Foundling Thoughts/@comment-25021327-20150303192255

Well, let's see. I feel like there is a lot going on here, and that the overall tone is intended to be a bit cryptic and vague. However, I felt at times that I really didn't follow what was happening. In the first section, I was having lots of issues knowing who was talking, what was dialogue, and what was inner thought. There seems to be a lack of quotation marks in some spots, making it difficult to tell what exactly is going on.

SOme of the wordings here seemed a bit odd as well, phrasing like "The ceiling becoming vaguely in my sight,"  had me wondering if maybe the author was not a native English speaker. If that is the case, that is fine. You may be able to have someone make some edits to clarify things if you wish.

In all, I think I liked this, even if I didn't really know what was happening XD  It was intriguing, and left me thinking, in a good way. If this were clarified enough to make a little more narrative sense, and maybe there were some things added to the dialogue like He Said, I thought, she asked etc, I think this would read a bit better, and still keep its sense of mystery.