Talk:Denizen/@comment-25021327-20150914024231

I thought this one wasn;t too bad, but could use some more time and effort put into it. The basic idea is fine, the vengeful spirit can work pretty well in creepypastas. The main things for me here were some spots where detail was lacking, or where there were unanswered questions and possible plot holes.

I was able to follow along pretty well for the most part, which was good. The format seems like it almost wants to be a journal entry style story with the way it describes things that are happening on various days. It might work better if it were turned fully into a journal style piece, and that might provide more of a way to give more description here.

The one thing that kind of made this one feel rushed to me was the fact that, the main character knows that his father killed someone (a whole family?), likely he killed the girl in the photograph. So, I find it a little bit of a stretch that the narrator wouldn;t know that this was the house that his own father comited murder in. I would think that the house would at least have a reputation for being the place where murder occurred. Eight years have passed, but it would probably still be common knowledge that this house was the scene of horrific crimes.

Anyhow, like I said, no a bad effort, but could maybe benefit from some more thought and time put into it :)