A Confession

Wow, so we're finally at this point, huh? I'll admit - I'm practically jumping up out of my skin - you wouldn't believe how much I've waited for this day, how long I've longed for this moment. Two-hundred sixty-two days, eight hours and five minutes!...

Okay, I lied and pulled that number out of my head but my heart is just beating so incredibly fast right now it's hard to think straight. You remember when we first locked eyes? Well, more accurately - when I first locked eyes on you. You were walking home from school. I was following behind you at a respectable distance, making sure not to step on any bugs or walk too close to you. You were too beautiful, too bright - I was hatefully, nauseatingly in love with you from that moment onwards - just the two of us, walking.

Actually, I'm pretty sure you were talking to a handful of other people at the time. Friends, or more likely acquaintances... I know you weren't really interested in them, but had to keep up appearances - Just kidding! I made that up as well. You wouldn't notice someone like me, even if I introduced myself.

Which I did. Several times.

It was in front of a mirror though, so I suppose that doesn't count?.. I'm sorry I couldn't find the courage before now - you can see I'm trembling, right? My knees are so weak and your eyes are so beautiful that I feel like I could be taken by a bolt from the blue right now and just drift away to heaven. Heaven being a euphimism for the loveliness of your embrace - can I... Can I touch you? No, don't say a word - don't say anything at all. Let me finish this, and respond however. I can handle it. I can. I -

Do you remember how you mentioned that your type was studious? Yeah, you might not have noticed but when we were still in school, I aced all the tests and got amazing scores. Then, afterwards? I went into the nursing program! Well, I didn't do too well there, but you learn all sorts of interesting things from programs like that.

Like how to change bedpans!

Eventually they kicked me out or something, I wasn't paying too much attention at the time. When I realized your type was also successful in business, I took out a few loans because my family had always been poor, but that was going to change with me!.. And well, they sort of caught up with me, which is where these scars came from! Well - you can't see them like this, but I'll show them to you later, if you like. All of them.

And I still needed money to pay those loans back, right?! So I had to think of some really creative stuff - but it was all worth it in the end, because I'd do anything to get your attention, for this one chance! When I finally managed to get this janitorial job at your office, I knew all my groveling and all the humiliation had been worth it - we passed by one another day in and day out, yet still - still! - I couldn't bring myself to say a word, not even once.

Your gaze is so intense, so passionate when you talk about competitive advantage and the victories of the after-hours basketball team. Gawd, I'm so smitten by the way you say the word dribble - I could chew on that word endlessly, red and raw and so uniquely you. So much so that I wrote a notebook with just the inspirational workplace phrases you've said - well, you're kind of monosyballic, so it seems a bit disjointed but that's beside the point -

I know it's a bit silly, given how old we are, but I feel like I'm back in highschool and we're children and I'm trailing behind you again, making sure that you never look my way and have to sully your beautiful world at the sight of me. Those idyllic days are long gone, I know - I know. But they can be ours again - just you and me, entwined forever in this moment - what I'm trying to say, dummy, is that I love you! Be mine..?

"Cleaning Staff #3, there's still bird shit all over my car! How many times do I have to say it before you hear me, get out there, and clean the windshield? Christ, it's not like we hire you people to stand around staring."

With a quiet and nearly inaudible mumble of acknowledgement, the janitor shuffled off. Watching her go with a look of deep disdain, Orville went back to evaluating performance reviews. ''#3 is quiet, never says anything, doesn't work much. Look into possible termination down the road. ''It sucked - they'd been going through a lot of janitorial personal recently, what with the economy being as it was...

Outside, the faint howl of a car alarm drifted in and out of it's solitary existence. For a moment, Orville wondered if he might have recognized the face of the janitor - perhaps someone he'd met at one of the company charity events?... His mind grappled with the possibility for a half-second, and then the thought - like the dying of car alarm - was replaced by the comfortable familiarity of wondering what was for dinner.