Talk:Play (Pt.1)/@comment-25021327-20150606135819

To start off, I'll just mention that we try not to have Works in Progress around here. They tend to not get finished, or take up more pages than necessary. I'm inclined to give this story a little time to see if this proposed series turns into anything. As far as a self contained page for a story chapter, there isn't much here. But I'll get to the actual review now :)

The story itself is fairly standard so far (as I mentioned there isn;t much meat to this yet) with someone downloading a weird game in beta testing. This is something that we've seen before but it doesn't automatically mean it's a bad thing. Other than that this is mostly descriptions of setting and talking about finding and downloading a game, with a very brief description of the game itself. Not much to go on.

But the descriptions that are here seem to be pretty good. I didn't have much trouble visualizing or relating to what was going on. The pacing seems consistent, which is good.

There were some issues here, the most apparent thing that I noticed was that the tense seemed to change from present to past a few times throughout. I imagine you want to keep this in present tense since most of the story is written like that, and it;s easy to inadvertantly slip into the more common past tense. There were some issues with spelling and grammar. Again, nothing too bad but enough to warrant another proofreading.

As it is now, this is pretty sparse. If you plan on having a series of stories, I'd suggest having wach part feel more like a self contained story that could stand on its own. This one just feels like a first chapter to something, and is almost too short to be a setup. I'd suggest doing your writing offline (If you don;t already) and posting chapters or parts when they feel more complete. Instead of making a new page for your next part, maybe just add to this page and make "part one" longer