A Dance of Bats and Knives (NSFW)

It’s a hard life living as a serial killer. Always being hated, feared, and depraved. You can never enter any town for a long time without being figured out. As such, when Tulo Beloff had finished slaughtering an orphanage with his trusty wooden baseball bat autographed by Babe Ruth, he had some downtime. So, naturally, being the crazed murderer that he was, he decided to go to the next town over and go to a club. When he was there, he saw that this was no ordinary strip club. There were baseballs there. Or were they regular balls, Tulo couldn’t really tell. But with all the balls came boobs. Tulo was immersed in the hyper-realistic jiggling of the bouncing bags. But considering that Tulo wasn’t really in the mood for some female attention, he decided to go into the small corner tucked away into the back where he saw a private showing. The showing was called “The Soft Breath of the Jeff.” The star was a name he was not entirely familiar with. “Jeff the Killer” It read on the name card. Must be into goreplay. My kind of party. A light shone on the center of the stage, where a lone pole and a soft skinned, pale male, nearly skin-bleached stepped onto the stage. He was wearing dark high heels, and nothing else. His dark, long black hair flowed in a way that made Tulo rock hard. Tulo tried looking away, but only saw that there was nothing to look at except for two people. From the name tags that they conveniently had placed on their chests, their names were “Marth” and “Oddest.” They seemed to be a gay couple. It was simply the oddest thing he had ever seen. He went back to looking at the erotic showing of Jeff. Right now, he was wrapped around the pole, with his male parts covered by the metal. It was drawing Tulo in. He wanted this man. In his yearning for this beauty, he got up from his seat, wiping the pound of lotion off of his hand, and stepped up onto the stage. But then got beaten down by security guards before bashing their heads in with his baseball bat. Jeff had seen this, and was intrigued. “Ooh, what a violent little dog.” He smiled with a toothy grin. “My kind of guy.” Tulo, being the masculine dump truck that he was, planted a hand on Jeff’s rear end, and in one deft motion, scooped him off of the pole and carried Jeff in his loving arms. Together, Tulo and Jeff strided out of the club before being gangbanged. They were coming out of a club. They walked out down the street and passed a cemetery. They then decided to dig up a grave together. After all, they were getting hungry.

They ended up being able to dig up the grave quite easily, as the black skeleton with red eyes emerged from the grave, Jeff stabbed it in the neck, and cut off the head. Tulo then took out the bat and smashed the head to pieces. “But I’m a new user advisor!” Said the skeleton as it died. “Oh, shit!” Tulo said. “It’s still alive!” The two of them ran from the cemetery, Tulo had only looked back for a moment to see a pink and white animatronic fox tentacle rape the ever living shit out of the corpse while eating a mango. “Good thing we got out of there in time.” Jeff said. “But now that we’re all alone.” Tulo said seductively. “Let’s have a bit of fun.” Tulo pulled out a giant pink baseball bat, and then said to Jeff. “Open wide!” Jeff opened his mouth, and Tulo home-runned Jeff’s head to let him know that he didn’t do it right. “Asshole!” Said Tulo. “What did I do?” Jeff said, whimpering. “No, I mean open up your asshole.” Jeff was kind of reluctant to, but being a pro stripper after being kicked off the creepypasta wiki, Jeff did it. Tulo then took the giant pink baseball bat, and with one swift motion, crammed it up Jeff’s asshole so hard that hyper-realistic stomach acid came out of Jeff’s mouth. The two of them being gore fanatics, they loved it.

“Ooohh.” Jeff said over the gargling of his own bodily fluids. “I like this.” And Tulo then responded with a simple stroke of Jeff’s black hair. And the two of them engaged in the most passionate anal sex two serial killers could ever have. It even ended with Tulo’s breast being cut off by Jeff’s knife while Tulo forced Jeff to deepthroat his giant pink baseball bat. It was a night of passion, and one that the two of them held dearly. The two of them ended up getting married in a burned down presbyterian church with a beautiful sounding piano. And right before their french kiss ended…

Sam came. “Finally. That took forever.” He said. “Damn, I’m glad I wrote that shipfiction. I’m going to reread this so many times. It’s so damn sexy.” Sam then smiled to himself. He wiped up the semen, re-buttoned his pants, and then cleared his browser history.