Talk:Tending/@comment-6794436-20150131171236

Hmm.. This is a pretty good pasta...

Good: This pasta is incredibly suspensful. When the narrator is hiding in the closet, I felt like I was there with her, and I was on the edge of my seat the entire time, waiting for what will happen next. I love how you also didn't go into too much detail about the death of the child, because in this case just the thought of what might have happened is much more effective than being told upfront what did. One more thing, the premise of this pasta is quite good, and sometimes stories like these never get old!

Bad: This pasta has a few grammar errors, not an over abundance of them, but they are present. The biggest gripe I have with this pasta is the ending. I see that you attempted to have that twist-like ending with the killer saying, "By the way, I know you're here", but it really doesn't work the way you worded it, and it's also a bit of a cliche. See, the problem with the sentence is that the killer never specifies that he knows where the woman is, he could just be saying that to evoke movement or something to give away the woman's position, as that is what a lot of criminals do. A better way you could've worded the sentence was saying, "By the way, you should probably get out of the closet" or something along those lines. However, that's just my opinion so you don't have to add that in, as some people may like the ending the way it is.

Verdict: 6/10- This was written fairly well, and the story was incredibly suspensful. The only problem for me was the amount of grammar errors and the wrongly executed, cliched ending. Even still, this is a great pasta.

-Incorrect3