Talk:Eric/@comment-5675310-20140228014254

Eric is a story full of creepy atmosphere, poor writing, and interesting ideas.

Description: 4.0/10 - This aspect of the pasta fails miserably. Not only did you fail to add any depth into the things that were said in the pasta, but you spent way too much time trying to do so. The massive text of backstory that takes up the page doesn't need to be there, and can only turn readers away. Sure, it's hard to come up with a good beginning for a gaming pasta that's not cliched, but shoehorning an unessecary little story into it isn't the way to do it. This is probably the biggest problem I have with your stories right now, and if it's fixed then you could be ten times better in my books. Grammar is poor and needs to be fixed. Run-on sentences mess with the story, along with problems with past and present tenses, and other typos along the way.

Plot: 7.5/10 - The pasta truly shines here. There are problems with it, like how the beginning doesn't need to be there and just feels like wasted space, and how quickly the story becomes monotonous and feels like a chore to read, due to poor writing choices, but the story gets so interesting in those last few paragraphs. Still, the entire atmosphere of the story is fairly creepy, and one line in particular was really well placed. The plot twist was implamented exceptionally well and deserves quite a bit of praise, and I think that you are truly at you're best when you write mindf*cks. Then again, the story is too long for its own good, and needs lots of polishing in that regard.

Entertainment: 6.5/10 - It will seem boring for the majority of the read, but the ending might just change your view on the whole story.

Pros and Cons:

+ Interesting concepts

+ Great ending

- Too long

- Poor writing

Overall: 6.4/10 - Okay.

"For all it's flaws, Eric still stands to me as one of the most original gaming pastas I've ever read, and has an amazing mindf*ck at the end."

- Marcus