Omniscience

Since the dawn of man, we have sought to know everything in existence. My name is Dr. Steven Abner, and I'm here to tell you that omniscience will NEVER happen.

In April 2009, I was selected to participate in a joint hearing of the congress through the National Academy of Sciences. The discussion: New Sciences to be studied. After heated debate over topics like Nanotechnology, Energy, and Space Exploration, a voice suggested a profound idea that was met with some stares-Omniscience. The idea came from a rather stupid fellow in my view, Dr. Isaac Morton. I had never been met with such a proposition. The idea of an all-knowing human? Questions raced through my head, until I heard a voice say "I accept the motion!" The next question raised was, of course, who would lead the project. At that moment, the same voice I heard before called out my name. I lashed out at Morton, but to no avail. The motion passed, and on April 7, 2010, testing began.

The test subjects were volunteers, students at the National Academy of Science. All had IQs of over 100. They had been hand selected and extensively tested. In all, ten subjects were selected: seven men and three women. They had been informed of the procedure, but still, when reminded that the special injection given to them had to be administered through the genitalia, the females put up quite a resistance. The injection was a DNA stimulant that would expand and cause the chrosomes controlling the functions of the brain to compress every bit of data so as to fit every possible piece of knowledge into the subjects' minds. The subjects were sealed in a chamber with thousands of books, ten of our finest supercomputers with which to study, and enough food to last them for over a year, but there was a catch: they had to make it themselves.

The subjects were perfectly fine for the first week of study. They spoke to each other, studied attentively, and in their off time, played on the internet. After the two week mark, however, they stopped reading altogether. Instead, they spent most of their time writing in notebooks and sleeping. However, as they slumbered, they tossed and turned violently, and screamed the things that they had learned. After three days of this, they attempted to hide from us. When they realized that they could not, they began their displays in public. The subjects stripped themsselves above the waist, when we noticed what was on Subject 2's right arm. The Greek alphabet was partially written in blood on his arm. We expected that this would be the only time we would see it. We were wrong.

After this, the subjects began to cut into themselves with the knives they had been given to prepare food with. They constantly cut symbols, words, and numbers into themselves. What threw us for a loop was that they experienced no pain whatsoever. In fact, they seemed to be smiling while cutting themselves. The practice soon went awry. The subjects began to kiss each other, still cutting into themselves, and now each other. They soon began to perform sexual acts, like "French Kissing," Oral sex, and even full sexual intercourse, while cutting into each other's flesh. The most disturbing part was that none of them seemed to feel pain. We took extensive notes on the subjects' actions, but somehow we were still puzzled.

The sexual acts finally stopped after January came to a close. The test subjects were lined up, then told to strip. The cutmarks, surprisingly, were healing very well. The scabs were almost gone. When asked about what had healed them, however, only one response was given. "We used the X,"said subject 2, the one who had been discovered cutting himself first. When asked what "X" was, he went to the cabinet and held up a bottle of blue liquid. A sample was immediately sent to our lab. The results startled us. By taking small dosages of several pain suppresants such as Ibuprofen, Morphine, and Fenatyl, and a number of clotting agents and proteins, had created a serum that would make anyone immune to pain, as well as fully heal over a period of about two days. This was mind-blowing. In a month, these people had created the penultimate healing agent. The project was working. Unfortunately