Talk:Immortality/@comment-5594403-20130530020457

This was a subtle kind of bad. It wasn't a 'an he died' or 'bloodbloodcliche', it just wasn't quite right.

I fixed up the grammar and wordflow, correcting the repitition and varying language.

Before:

2/5, 2/4, 0/1

After:

3/5, 3/4~, 0/1

I think bringing it up to 6/10 is a plus.