Talk:The Red Box/@comment-25021327-20150628143458

I liked reading this one. The tone was dark, but not unnaturally so, and the pacing felt good pretty much throughout, although I felt that the 'third act' came on a bit abruptly. I imagine that was probably done on purpose for effect, but it still felt a little jarring to me.

This one felt abitious, and some of what was attempted hit, and some of it missed for me. The Stephen-King-esque thoughts in parentheses sometimes felt good and added to the narrative, but other times they felt kind of shoe-horned in just for style. That;s just my opinion though.

The descriptions in this were nice, and I felt able to envision most of what I was reading during this. I liked the way the narrator talked about watching his reflection move, and being unable to resist it. That has some truth to hallucinagenic, or out of body experiences... even dreams. The things being described were pretty spooky too, being helplessly handled by evil tentacles is something I think a lot of people would be freaked out by (depending on what kind of hentai you're into >ω<)

For as much as I did enjoy this, there were some issues here that were distracting for me personally. The Spelling and grammar here were pretty rough at some points with missing words, omitted apostrophes and some capitalization errors. They weren't too terribly bad, but enough for me to notice and to take me out of the reading a bit.

Another issue I had, and for some reason this bugs me more than it seems to other people, was that the tense changed at various points throughout. It was dominantly in past tense  like most stories, but sometimes went into present tense without any reasoning. I tend to find this very distracting when I'm reading.

So like I said, I liked this one. I feel that another run of proofreading would do this story a lot of good, but I'm glad I took some time to read it :)