Talk:Cracking Up/@comment-25021327-20161001170158

I pretty much liked the story here. It was perhaps not the most totally original concept, but I thought that it was executed in a way that worked to the benefit of the piece. The length works here and the story didn;t feel like it dragged on to me, which was nice. I liked the addition of things like Tommy brushing Nathan's teeth while he slept, which at that time comes across pretty creepy.

There were quite a few spelling and grammar errors throughout this one. It got a little distracting while I was reading, noticing misused homophones (your, its/it's) some missing quotation marks on dialogue, missing spaces, and misspellings in general. Some more proofreading would help this one out a lot.

I found a few things I didn't personally like here, or maybe I just thought they were a little stale. The broken-home angle does explain a lot of why the story goes the way it does, but it still feels like an overly convenient plot point. I wasn;t entirely sure how the split personality thing worked. Tommy said he met up with Nathan's dad, but I don't really know if Tommy and Nathan look/are the same or if Nathan is supposed to be an actual different incarnation. I would have thought that they were the same person, and that Nathan's dod would have recognized him.

Also, the ending is a little bit of a stretch, I feel like if there were gunshots in a school bathroom, there wouldn;t be much time to have a conversation afterwards. Someone would probably have come rushing in, maybe even thinking that kids were setting off firecrackers or something. I can understand why the author went with the ending of "let's team up and be insane" but it came across a little weak to me. I know it's a short story and you can;t go into much detail, so Iguess it works. Anyway, I was glad to read this