Talk:Pokemon Hex and Die/@comment-25400723-20141022213544

Well.. I think that this needs some more work put into it.

The first thing about this pasta that really annoyed me was the fact that it is.. well.. it's a Pokemon Creepypasta. There's been numerous Pokemon Pastas done and posted to this site, and there are only a select few I can actually enjoy. I know that you are new to writing pastas, and if this is your first or second one, I can understand.

Long story short, this pasta is lacking in both quality and quantity.

The title for it doesn't come into play anywhere in the story, if it's supposed to be the name for the supposedly "Haunted" cartridge then you should include it in the story.

I've found a couple issues with both spelling and grammar; but can be easily fixed by going through and doing a quick touch-up job.

As far as cliches go, there aren't a whole lot, but there are some still. I mean, the whole "Haunted Game/ Console" idea is one big cliche in itself now. The cliches that stand out most in this pasta are the haunted game cartridge, the weird happenings within the game, the death of a friend or family member after showing them the game, the game attacking the character, etc. etc.

The whole "Moral of the story" and "Refrences" at the end are not needed, but if you wish to keep them then don't read the above.

For now I would give this a 4/10. You should go through this again and do some editing.