Talk:Yoshi's Safari: Death Rally/@comment-11079349-20131205150134

you know the saying "this isnt half bad."? well, this is different. this is exactly half bad. Hate to rage on you, but super scope is hard, to say the least. so yeah, getting through the final level without getting hit? now you'll note that i said this is half bad. i liked a few bits. like when i expected the main character to die and i was about to lower the score intensely. you certainly fooled me with that trick. now, i'm going to make a list of things that caught my eye.

1. First thing's first, i suppose. Whoever drew that picture of yoshi is messed up.

2. Why exactly did you start with one of the biggest cliches? "I love this game, so i went on Ebay and got it for seven dollars." isnt quite as believable as people think. Hell, if I bought my favorite game for just seven dollars, i would expect it to be in pieces and that i would have to reconstruct it, and then program it all over again. also, it's always Ebay or Amazon. Why not make up an obscure site that disappears afterwards?

3. The goombas exploded in gore? well, at least you didnt go too far explaining exactly how much gore. still, the fact that I know this is how it goes for each kill kinda makes it seem less ... fun.

4. alright, storms have been used to death for horror scenes in movies, plays, writing, games, you name it. You made decent use of it, but it's just been done so much by everything that unless it's played really well, it just doesnt help with a story.

5.a crazed looking bowser? isnt he alsways crazed looking? that isnt the point, the point is I'm glad you didnt use red eyes as your selling point of the oh-so-terrifying bowser level. I was kind of disappointed when you used the worst introduction to a final boss ever: "it wasnt *villain*, it was *powerful villain*"

6. Alright, the moment i saw lemmy shoot the king, i would have grabbed the super scope and started shooting lemmy. i don't care how ineffective it might have ended up being, but I would have done it because he made all of my hard work for naught. That infuriates me.

7. you took the game and smashed it? and what's worse, you never played yoshi safari again? that, my good sir, is a cliche ending.

8. there was semi decent pacing for this creepypasta altogether, but you didnt add enough detail to certain parts.

so like i said earlier, it's half bad. but half bad can also be translated as half good. you had good bits of writing, but in general it was cliche and also kinda boring. this is exactly 5/10 material. it isnt bad, it isnt good, it isnt creepy, scary, horrifying, or even that fun to read. it's just one of those many creepypastas that fall into the middle ground of "eh, it's something that's here." Then again, if i read it again at a different point, I might give it a higher or lower score based on what I've read between now and then.