NRN: Check out this funny email

It was just another day at the office. I was bored as usual. It was one of those days where everyone was just unavailable. My best friend Helen would usually sit at the desk opposite mine as we would chit-chat about how dumb our boss was, or play one of our office games. Like how many times Mr. Clarkfield, our regional branch manager would inadvertently say racist things during his morning presentations. But today she had been called to do errands for that slimy executive Garry. He was the worst. Everything about him had this arrogant slickness to it. He overcompensated to the point where he'd take out a mortgage to buy a cup of coffee. But I sat through the day, processing forms and doing a bit of data management. Then I decided to check my inbox. I had three new messages.

One was from Clarkfield, asking me about the HR budget report. The other was just Ethan. The awkward copy room dweeb who is always flirting with me in his sad and desperate way. The third

one, however, was strange. The sender was simply called "Comedy="

It was titled "NRN: Check out this funny email."

I was confused. I figured it was spam, or a chain letter. But hey, it was a boring day. So curiosity made me click. What was in it confused me to no end.

"05/3/14, 14:38AM"

That's it. Some kind of timestamp. Needless to say, I didn't quite understand it. So I moved on to doing my regular tasks. Eventually the day ended. I was thinking about the timestamp on the bus ride home. 3/14 was tomorrow. I guess I should keep an eye out for anything happening then. I went home, made some food, watched a sappy movie on Hallmark, and went to sleep.

Next day I woke up. Ate my breakfast, got dressed, did my makeup, and stood outside by the bus stop. I rode the bus to work like I always do. Went inside the office, and was greeted by Helen. I was feeling like today was going to be a good day. Helen was nice as always, and we chatted through work. Making time feel like a breeze. We had our lunch together and worked for a couple of hours when... suddenly... one of the guys over at sales called on us to come to the staff room. Something was on the news. We walked in and heard the blaring voice through the television speakers. As the anchor described what had happened:

"And today, at around two thirty, a brutal murder took place on the streets in New York. Not very far from Central Park.", he said.

I was surprised. That's eerily close to where I work.

"We have very little information, but apparently Special Agent Craig Mills from the FBI have this statement:", he continued.

"Yeah, so, we don't know much about the murders. The victims were thrown out of moving black vans wearing plain white clothes out of a canvas material. Their wrists were bound and what killed them was the impact at the street. According to eye witnesses the cars were speeding, as they suddenly dumped people out. Each murder happened one hour after the next one, at nine different locations throughout several states. The witnesses could not identify the drivers, or the car manufacturer, and it would seem the plates have been traced and appear to be false.

The victims had no possessions, and no means of identification, simply a note with tragedy written on it in black marker. We're still working on finding out who these people are. Our one lead so far is how all the murders synchronise perfectly with each time zone. As all murders occurred at exactly thirty eight minutes past two in their respective timezones.

We're not sure if this is the work of a cult, or a serial killer, but we have our most qualified investigators working on catching the responsible party or parties involved." I jaw dropped as I realised. I rushed back to my computer and checked my inbox. It was in the email. The exact timestamp of the murders. As I exited the mail, a new email was in my inbox.

It was from "Comedy="

The title read: "NRN: Read my username."

And inside, were two simple words: "Get it?"

- Written by Vince "Thumblesteen" Smith.
© Robin Hood and the merry men.