Talk:Carrie.JPEG/@comment-173.36.196.6-20131122005910

A little non-chalant and strangely written.

e.g.: "I ran downstairs. Carrie could easily catch up though. Then she threw her machete (which she was using with pure precision and skill a few seconds ago) and...knocked me out."

So, now, you're establishing that you ran downstairs with no urgency, then describing her catching up with no urgency almost like you're comparing some race you had with your big brother. It comes off as slightly boring.

And she only knocks you out? Then she appears to torment you...and goes away. And you go and buy Dead Space 3 because, hell, that'll make you feel so much better after the Carrie 2013 disc is practically telling you that maybe you've watched enough horror for once.

Needs some work but good start. :)