Talk:Happy Birthday/@comment-24747574-20140729101035

Ok, im a little confused to be honest. The plot is classic and used most often for humoristic stories or anecdotes, but classic can be good as well, when executed properly.

Now, normally it would be completely nonsensical to stab someone the moment you spot him in your home. It could be a kid or just a petty thief. Hell, it could be your dad coming for a visit. Then, slitting up a woman, who is apparently defenseless is not a graceful act either. However, he was drunk and it serves as some sort of excuse for his actions as it seems.

The problem about it is - ive seen many kinds of drunk people - aggressive, passive, suave, talkative. I havent once seen a "Hey, lets stab someone who is already in terror of what I just did". More so - he did it "subconciously" while thinking of what to do. Unless he is some sort of paramilitarian agent, it is strange that his muscular memory and subconsciousness made him stab people as a reflex to them screaming and being afraid, rather than any threatening. And if he is one - stabbing someone in the stomach or jerking a knife into the throat rather than slitting it, is not a proper takedown.

All in one, it sounds more like a plea from someone who is facing a trial, rather than a genuine story. As if he would try to reduce his sentence, because he was drunk. More so after telling us, that his father taught him to recognize crimes.

Other than that, it misses a conclusion or a cliffhanger. I neither know what happened to him afterwards (got caught, got away, killed himself?) nor am I somehow mesmerized enough to phantasize about possible outcomes, so the story comes a little cut off.

As for the words you were using - putting in too many "rare" words like "sojourn" or "careened" are more likely to break the flow and stop the reader right in his tracks and make him think about the possible meaning of this word more than about what is actually going on.

As always - just my personal opinion, you dont have to take into account by any means^^