Talk:Girl of my Dreams/@comment-25021327-20150203202035

This was a fairly solid story, and executed relatively well. As has been mentioned, the plot is nothing terribly new, this story kind of plays out like Carrie in fast forward, especially with the girl being coased into leading the narrator on by her friends.

The pace here doesn't feel jumpy, but it is very quick, and coupled with the short length, it makes this story have a kind of kinetic energy to it. Although doing so would have robbed the pasta of said energy, I would have liked to see a more gradual buildup with more character development.

And that's the main issue I have with this story. It's a matter of personal tasete, but I felt very little connection with any of the characters. I didn't really feel sympathy for the narrator at any point, I didn't feel sympathy, nor justice in the ending. The writing style almost makes this feel like it was by design, the narrative is linear, and a bit rigid. Maybe a story like this works on a different level with this kind of disconnection, but personally, I'd liked to have gotten to know these folks a little better. However, I did really like how none of the characters have names, as it's not a necessarry detail to the story, and maybe helps that disconnect between narrator and reader.

Nitpicks! (feel free to ignore this section!) 1. The first sentence should probably have the word "woken" instead of "woke" fot its conjugation. 2. What happened to the FoB tickets? I hope he at least sold em and got some money back :3

But in seriousness, I think that for what this is, it does a pretty good job. It feels basic and linear, and I persnally would have liked more detail, or vivid language for a closer connection to the story. The ending is a but rushed, but I think it works since I'm pretty sure we all see where things are going. The length and pace here make this tale a quick read, which is nice, and helps it do what I think it wants to do. And do it pretty well.