Talk:World -1/@comment-4332975-20130402184605

Well, that was...actually pretty decent. There's one paragraph that really seems to drag on, but other than that, the writing is solid. The one problem area is in the monster fight. First of all, from this, "Before I had time to react a huge beast at me." I think you're missing a verb, there. Secondly, even if it was shrouded in shadow, it would have been nice to get more of an impression of what it looked like and how it behaved. It jumped around, but how did it act when it was doing that. Did your attacks damage it...or even hit? Did it have any attacks other than the one that ended it for you? You mention it turning to face the screen, so how about describing the face, or at least the eyes. Other than that, I don't regret reading this.