Talk:Join Me/@comment-6794436-20151201230207

Meh, this isn't awful...

Good: I can't really point out too many good things about this story, but I can point out that it isn't terrible. The things done in this pasta have been done in the past, but those older ones have been atrocious, while this was decently executed. Of course, it isn't a wall of text, it has a cohesive plot, and it doesn't try to be something that it isn't. The story knows what it is and runs with it instead of ruining itself with some lackluster mindfuck or plot twist near the climax.

Bad: I was able to spot numerous grammatical errors in this pasta, which really tarnished a good portion of the pasta. The story just felt really clunky, as some fine folks below me have pointed out, and the story itself wasn't really that engaging. I found myself wanting to skip through some parts to just get to the ending. I was able to see the way that this would end by the time I got to the 4th paragraph, which really made me want to skim through this a bit more. I feel as though this didn't really need to be a gaming creepypasta. It would've been better as a standalone creepypasta, and it just feels like the gaming part was thrown in last minute. The whole attempted suicide thing has been done before and in a better fashion, and I really didn't feel like this was very groundbreaking, nor as a real contribution to the genre. The beginning of this story also felt very rushed; it would've been nice to get some more backstory and maybe flesh out the whole cancer part so that maybe the reader could feel a bit more sympathetic to the narrator and his situation.

Verdict: 5/10- This pasta really reminds me a lot of my earlier works as a creepypasta author, those being in all honesty not very well made, but you show a lot of promise. I wouldn't say this is bad enough to be marked with Needs work, but some definite revisions need to be made to save this from the common plight of being trapped within a clustering sea of mediocrity.

-Incorrect3