Saw You Drown

I didn’t know why we were here.

I didn’t know why we were alone.

But there was the simple and plain fact that we just were.

I had been watching you for a long time. You hardly moved at all, only looking ahead of yourself, out towards the horizon. You were silent. You were degraded, in exile. You couldn’t remember when the last time you ate a single thing was. You did not know whether it had been days or for weeks. You could not remember what you had, if anything, you had to eat yesterday or the day before.

At one point, you realized I was there. You turned back to look at me, or I assumed you did. You were faceless, your expression telling me nothing. You gazed into my soul, the neighboring trees on this cold spring day having their branches taken by the wind.

You then turned back, out towards the horizon once more. Towards the dull, empty horizon in this dull, empty forest.

On one hand, I was relieved. Your brown face was alarming and frightening. On the other, I was worried. Your face was confused and innocent. I took a few steps forward. No response from you.

Your ears perk up as I came in closer, and that is when you finally moved. And then I saw you drown.

Your body sprang forwards into the dark water. Your feet only going deeper inside as you continued to walk further away from the shore.

The world that you tried to understand and tried to control – you let it go. You let it sink like a rock was soon as your head reached below the water.

For a long time, you wanted nothing more to escape. You have been waiting for the courage for the end to come.

Your mouth opened in a kind of gasp, bubbles coming out of it. The bubbles of what would have been your supple breath. You start to slip downwards… deeper… into the dark abyss. You slid into the depths of eternity.

I couldn’t move. My legs were stuck to the ground underneath. I was pinned to the grass, the weight of gravity preventing me from saving you. My own self was saving you. I cannot help you, I cannot understand, not before and not now.

For I no longer knew who I was.

Somewhere, I heard an inhuman laughter, and soon, it was over. Your body was still nowhere to be seen before it started to raise – a drowned vessel. The life was snuffed from your eyes, choked by the water around you.

Suddenly able to move after being trapped by my own sub consciousness, I sprinted towards your body and fished it out. It was cold, wet to the touch. Your black eyes were glazed and dumb; half-open and blind.

I wept for you.

As I looked up, I saw others looking onwards, towards you, towards us. Their bodies twisted and their eyes a dim red, shining through. They looked identical, yet had unique bodies all the same. They came in many different shapes, sizes and colors. They then started to laugh.

Their laughter only made me hate them more.

My limbs started to twitch angrily, ready for them to come on me. The rest of the world no longer mattered. I knew they did this to you.

I let my hate grow.

They were staring into me, and I let my hate grow.

They were still laughing, and I let my hate grow.

They were mocking you, and I let my hate grow.

They killed you, and I let my hate grow.

They were fading, and I let my hate grow.

They were no longer even there, and I let my hate grow.

How I wish I were the iconoclast. I could kill them all, and be at peace with it. Their lives were small and meek. They no longer deserved mercy. I longed to show them my wrath.

I was being drained.

I was being stripped of my being.

I had no thoughts or fear.

I no longer needed them.

I opened my eyes. They were red and empty-hearted.

All I had left were forlorn memories, and sweeter memories too… of us.

I did not know who I was.

I did not know what anything was.

All I knew was my name.

All I knew was you.

But I had a purpose.

I knew that I had to protect you.

I knew that I am your guardian angel.

I knew that I had power beyond power.

I knew that I must not leave you.

I knew that you were fragile and vulnerable.

I knew that my purpose was to create a world for us.

I knew blood will be shed.

I will create the perfect world for us, I promise, and Hell will follow me.