Talk:You Are in a Room/@comment-1810325-20130807043716

I think the basic premise is good, finding yourself in a dark room, unable to escape, something in the distance. It's been done before, but it's always a good set up.

I do find the main character's (you) one line of dialog to be a bit silly (with the use of CAPS and *cough*) but I understand why you used it. I feel it makes a bit of disconenct for the writing style though.

The ending, I do enjoy, it's a spooky thought and and a strong closer.

I suppose the main issue for the whole piece is really just its length. With these shorter pieces, you have a lot less time to really let the fear build in, so you need to be a bit more immaginative with how to do that. I feel like the way this piece was written, if it was lengthened more, explored the slow setting of the sun, and the effect fear has over "you" as time passes, it would come out as a stronger piece.

Overall, it's got strong elements, but needs to be developed more.