Talk:Sunrise/@comment-24082398-20160715020606

This wasn't a terribly bad story! Some reactions are a little bit odd, such as the protagonist yoinking the USB after they said that they would give it to their boss, the protagonist wanting some illegal stuff to be on the USB, and so on. The events are also a little strange; how would seeing some photos on a USB cause the entire work to darken? The thought is rather creepy and would warrant a rather good score if executed correctly, but I'm just left scratching my head looking for answers to some questions. The grammar and word choice was okay for the most part, but I found a few sentences that ran a bit too long.

My final score is 5.5! Keep at it, you'll get a real good story done soon! :)