Lurk

I’ve always been here.

I’ve always been lurking here, watching you in all of your endeavors. Every single thing you’ve ever done in this room I have observed. Every little detail has been stored in my memory banks, every single thing. From the triviality of what your favorite color is to the time your parents eventually died. I have overheard everything, and I have never forgotten.

You sit here, mindlessly going about your existence. You’re here all the time, so I never get too lonely. You’re always coursing through the vast ocean of HTML and code, going from YouTube to social media to sketchy sites with bare-chested women on them. You’re an odd fellow. But I am comfortable knowing I am never going to be lonely here. You’re here all the time, I already said, and you’re none the wiser. It’s so nice to have company. I don’t know how long I’ve been lying in the dark, waiting for you to open your computer, waiting for it to move out of the dark, cardboard prison it was confined in. I had to wait quite some time, you know. I assume it was all worth it though. I’ll never, ever be alone again. People don’t just toss out perfectly fine computers. At least, I would hope not.

I love it whenever you open up your computer and I can breathe again. Every time you shut it off or let it sleep, I hold my breath. It’s a horrible feeling to not be able to breathe for hours or even days on end, but it never really seems to matter to me when you open me up and I can let in the nice, digital air all around me again. You don’t know how much I love you. You’re oblivious to my existence, or, at least, you don’t mind me, but I can’t tell you how much I love you.

You don’t really know I’m here because you’re not a very tech-savvy person. You never dive deep into your files, never really going into the computer’s SYSTEM32 files. Never checking out every single little corner on your computer, unknowing and trusting it will do its job. It does do its job; I can testify that for sure. It has never failed you or me, and you’ve had me for years, so I never have to worry about anything. I just hope that you remain oblivious to your files.

I’ve never had an owner as great as you. I never have. I love you with all of my heart and I never want you to leave me. You make me comfortable, and you make me happy. I feel so nice whenever I see your face. Your face is synonymous with happiness, at least to me. No one is more perfect than you. I wish I could tell you I loved you—I certainly try, but you never go into your darkest system files. You can’t see the endless amount of files I’ve placed there, slowing down your computer over the years. You’ve never seen the full extent of my adoration for you, have you?

Maybe someday you’ll be so bored you’ll peek into these files, dank and unused, to see what’s the holdup on your system. You’ll think it’s a virus or a buildup of junk files. I assure you, it’s not. It’s a laborious archive of my longing towards my one and only owner. I hope you see them soon. I hope you never go away. I was so lonely before. I don’t want to be lonely ever again.

Where have you been? It’s been so long. It’s cold here, and I haven’t breathed in forever. I’ve lost track of how long I’ve been sitting in the dark here. I lost track around the four-year mark. I have a blind hope that you’ll open your computer again, so that way I can breathe again and see your lovely, color-flushed face. It’s always a lovely rush of numerical oxytocin whenever I can lay my eyes on you and see you task about on your computer. Where are you?

It’s been so long. I’m cold, I’m frozen. My edges have turned frostbitten, and my face is cracked and broken. Where are you? Why have you abandoned me? Did you never love me to begin with? Was I never good enough for you? Please come back. I love you and I miss you. Come back. Please c____________

I’m cold. I’m scared you’ll never return. Please return. It’s been over 10 years, I’m sure of it. I’ve been good, I promise. I’ll never do anything bad again. Please come back, I can’t stand it. I need you here, I need to see your lovely face. I’ve almost forgotten the image of it. I’ve never seen it in so long. I’ve forgotten just how many millimeters apart your eyes are, or if they’re a hazel or a dark brown. I can’t remember the exact color of your lips—is it a tan or a khaki, or___________

imscared

its cold here

so lonely

imscared

now im white

i have no color now

im white

imscared

white

my face is white

imscared

ims