Talk:I Remember You/@comment-5675310-20140109020921

I Remember You pasta, actually no not really.

Description: 6.5/10 - Although some of the word choice was quite good, there were many grammatical and spelling errors that really detreact from that. You did a good job on making the charcter feel real, while still keeping intact the hyperbole of anguish inside person. The pacing was good and kept the story together, so I suppose that you did alright on that aspect. There was also another problem I had with the description. There were actually a lot of poorly done sentences. "I still remember your warm hand as you would brush my black hair from my eyes. Your warm and tender hand," sounds unnatural and could easily be changed to something the rolls off the tongue easier. Something like, "I still your warm, tender hand as you would brush my black hair from my eyes," would be much better.

Plot: 5.0/10 - It was very cryptic and left to the unknown. Although in a lot of stories this is a good thing, there is a line in which if you pass, then you will leave too much mystery. The story is up for a lot of interperatation, if you can really call this a story with such little visible meaning. Sure, it's kind of in the formatt of a letter, but you still could've easily told an interesting short story with that formatt.

Entertainment: 5.5/10 - Too much mystery, but I suppose that's what kept it entertaining enough to hold my interest.

Pros and Cons:

+ Some good word choice

+ Somewhat believable character

- Too much mystery

- Lack of a story

- Wasted potential with the letter formatt

- Some poor sentence structures

- Grammatical and spelling errors

Overall: 5.6/10 - Mediocre.

"I don't know how many people would actually call this a 'story,' but you have to admit, the bare bones are strong."

- Marcus