How to Trick the World's Greatest Detectives

You know as much as the admins try their damnedest, most if not all of the deleted shit pastas here are archived, if not just by me. The most popular reason people do this is because the deleted pasta in question was so bad it had to, nay deserved to be seen for all. Me? I'm just some dedicated guy out there that archives every single shit pasta that ever existed yes including when it was uploaded, if only for those morbidly curious. I'm more than aware that most of this shit deserves to be remove from existence but sometimes you come across a hidden gem in the muck, a piece that's so beautifully bad, it reminds you of why you do this. The story I'm posting tonight is not one of those hidden gems.

This one right here creeped me out in a way that I didn't even know was possible anymore. Before I give the pasta out, a little backstory.

I came across this one a long time ago in 2013, the year I became an official member of the site. The story, called "How to trick the world's greatest detectives" was written by a name I used to welcome into my hard drive with open arms, ''Gcumt34. ''Gcumt34 was like, the Bruno Mattei of shitpastas. He had in his belt, 456 total (only 2 were on this site I think) creepypastas of pure hilarity! Bland characters, nondescript environments, gorn that went off the fucking charts, porn that went off the fucking charts, terrible and inconsistent grammar that would make Incorrect3 cry til he died, cursing that put my stories to shame, and endings that were either unsatisfying or nonexistent.

So naturally when I saw that Gcumt had the balls to upload his newest story on the SOG wiki, I didn't even hesitate to open that article and copy the story down while adding the date. It also didn't take long for the others to give the pasta a prison beating. It probably threw several people off when Gcumt gave out replies like: "U provd my point.", "Thnx for not getting the messag :O)", and "Im more amuzd then anything."

Again to someone who knew Gcumt34, this was nothing new. Hell, I even played along one time in a conversation I still have in my computer somewhere and it was amazing. But then, this was all before the discovery I made.

So we have "How to trick the world's greatest detectives". Here it is uncut:

" "So how do you trick the world's greatest detective? Well do you know? You stick it right in front of him, right under his long pointy nose and wait." The Joker

''So thers this bitch namd Lindsy who livd in the city. She want to be the ver best acter in the wurld rite? Wele, she's also a fuckin WHORE! She keeps bullying and insulting Eric this awesome dud, and he don't like it when she's mean. So she still does it and it hurt him badely. But Eric haz a plun to chang this. He grab a knif and wait after skool to get that bitc bak for all thu tormant. He hats he, and want to cuz DAMAG!''

''School ends and he calls Lindsey over. As soon as they're at a place where no one else can look, Eric takes out the knife and stabs her in the chest. She falls over and he stabs her again. Blood spills on her clothes, turning them into a foul red as he cuts around her breasts, making each cut more painful than the rest. He then grabs the breasts and pulls them off, showing muscle tissue and blood. Licking both pieces of flesh, Eric stabs her eyes next, pulling the knife out to catch both eyeballs with his knife. Then, Eric takes all of the things he's cut from Lindsey and shoves them in every orifice he can see, including the more painful areas. Eric then bites off a piece of her tongue and shoves the torn piece back into her mouth.Then he throws her body in a lake.''

'' An then Erc WIN! Ha manags to avod da cop and live life llik a nomal guye. Tha end. 

Again, very terrible, very graphic, however there was something missing in this particular shit pasta. It wasn't very funny. It was just pointless with some admittedly odd gore but nothing especially awful. I even remember leaving a review on it stating how disappointed I was. And seriously aside it from it being the title, what was up with that Arkham City quote?

But of course, if this was just a bad story then, there'd be nothing to talk about.

Later on, I started writing some stuff of my own and to get inspiration I started looking up odd crimes usually unsolved ones as a base to write off of. You know stuff like, bodies shoved into briefcases, pregnant woman suffocated and then given a c-section, several pairs of feet washing up on a sea shore. And as I was looking I came across a particular odd crime that was originally posted around 2013. It was about a young woman named Lindsey who was found dead and heavily mutilated in a lake in Missouri. Her breast and eyes were cut open, she was completely naked and most disturbing of all, the flesh of her breasts and her eyesballs were found stuffed in all of the offices around her body.

I didn't want to jump to conclusions so I first merely assumed that Gcumt34 was just using the crime as inspiration. I honestly wouldn't have put it past him. I traced the case back to the first time it was ever reported and I compared it with the date of the pasta. The crime was first reported April 2nd, the pasta was uploaded March 28th.

I sat back, completely disturbed as I reclaimed my senses and called the FBI. Looking back at the responses, the weird inconsistent grammar whenever it described the gore, it all clicked. And that brought me to the final thing in this terrifying ordeal. One, simple quote:

"So how do you trick the world's greatest detective? Well do you know? You stick it right in front of him, right under his long pointy nose, and wait!"

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This fictional story (trust me, it ain't real) was written by Mr. 1up-Mushroom.