Like A Sickness

I still remember how it happened. My first time. It wasn't something I ever planned on. I was just walking along, not a care in the world. It felt like I was on my own personal adventure, just me and the freedom to follow my path my own way. Then, I heard a rustling in the grass, and when I turned, I saw...her.

She was so small. She looked innocent and helpless. The little ribbons she wore looked absolutely adorable on her. I was staring, and I realized that she was staring back. It was the strangest feeling, like a tingle in my brain. It made me uncomfortable, and I backed away, turned around, tried to just get some distance and forget all about it. Of course, I couldn't get away. I kept seeing her, and the thoughts were getting stronger. I had to have her, to possess her. There was no getting around it. Oh yes, she would be mine.

All the tools I needed were already in my possession. They were things I used every day, and now I used them to snatch her up. She hardly even put up a struggle. It was easy, so easy... A couple quick blows, throw some special powder in her face, and she was too weak to get away. For a while, it was enough, and the little tickle in the back of my head was satisfied, but as I continued on my way, she got her strength back. I knew I had to use her. Something about her just begged to be used.

Use her I did, and frequently. I'd give her things to keep her awake, keep her from fainting...keep her fighting, and I'd just keep using her. At first, I thought I was the one in control. However, as time went on, my fixation grew stronger. The truth was, she'd been getting stronger, changing. I thought I gave the orders, but she ended up being the one doing the manipulating. She wouldn't let me stop. She made sure I'd fight, that I'd use her over and over, so she could get what she wanted. My head hurt whenever I tried to think about it.

I could get some rest during the day. When she left me alone, I could even try to think about it. Even though I had to hide what was going on from my friends, our relationship seemed almost normal during those hours. Then night would fall, though. I'd see the stars in the sky, and she would overpower me again. As she told me what she wanted me to do, drilling the instructions into my brain, hope would leave me again. I knew that I'd spend my money on her, take her where she wanted to go, and that I'd end up using her again, just the way she demanded of me. It was my own fault for ever letting myself be led astray.

She's grown so much since we first met, though she's still beautiful to me. From time to time, I see her crying when she looks at me. I know that means I don't have long. Everything I ever had, I've given to her. I've been her servant, her slave...even when she let me think that I was the one who owned her. Now, though, I realize that it was her plan all along, to use me as much as she let me use her. I can't hate her for it.

That's just what happens when Gothita chooses a Trainer...