Talk:The Island of Dolls/@comment-24747574-20140711215527

Well, first the postive - you can deliver the feeling very well. I felt with the man and hoped that he would be able to save her. You have plenty of detail in it and it's easy to read.

Some grammar fixing is needed, but not much.

As for the negative - it was predictable. Not like "well, maybe" and more like "Well, unless he rebooks his trip instantly to the farthest Nope-mountain in the fuck-those-dolls country, she is finished" as soon as he had his dream. I know that CP protagonists have to be pretty oblivious - i mean, they must check those things we wouldnt check without a flamethrower rivetted to our arse - but this one really took it to a new level.

It would have been surprising if he i.e. somehow grabbed her and was plunged into the doll-world, where he then somehow manages to get her out but maybe has to sacrifice himself or they both getting grabbed and then returning to the group, both with a smile stitched on their faces and buttons for eyes. I'm not a fan of bad endings, but even those don't have to be predictable.

Summa Summarum - your writing technique is very good and promising, but you have to work on a twist. It's not good to know what will happen at the end of a story before actually reading it. It should be said of course, that it is predictable due to the overwhelming amount of pastas ending in tear-jerking or sinister fates, so it's not that much of your fault.