Talk:The Socialist/@comment-3463291-20130801225309

The writing, particularly the beginning and ending lines is fairly terrible; specifically, it feels unrealistic and overly wordy, and veers into areas where it's like a kid in charge of talking about their DARKEST THOUGHTS with LINKIN PARK LYRICS INSPIRING. Assuming you have any friends, ask them to review it and see if they can make it past without bursting into laughter.

The story seemed to be building up that if he experiences all those emotions, the thing that he meets at the end would be fully let loose if it was not already. But why? Is it a figure of his imagination or something (spiritually, at least) there? Why does he suddenly degenerate into apparent insanity (if he didn't already have it)? Everything just sorta... happens. The protagonist also doesn't really make me invested in his struggle, sad to say.

After that, "The Socialist" as a name makes no sense at all. Is it an ironic name? That's about the only way it would work here and even then it's still clunky. Otherwise I guess we're supposed to imagine that he holds socialist views... but he doesn't show any indications of such. The closest the story comes to actually showing potential for some political thought is the beginning, where one of them/the protagonist talks about writing theories and what not... which neither are seen nor have any influence on the story.

If socialism or commentary on it, perhaps through texts of some kind (whether made for story purposes or actually existing) were really connected to his identity and motives, that could actually provide a reader something to think about and draw them in. Of course, you could always just rid yourself of the title/name adopted at the end (which, to be honest sort of boxes the story in). Another problem with that (I admit) is that it would in all likelihood draw away attention from the main thrust and ideas being presented and run the risk of making it sound even more pretentious than it already is.

I do like the idea of a split personality fused with a sort of doppleganger to cause havoc, the blackout working well to keep the reader in the dark, as well as the idea of a guy who's quiet and thinks a lot while dismissing normal human activities. And I guess that's about it.