Talk:My Empty Mind/@comment-6794436-20150814230211

Well, this is a bit of a downgrade...

Good: This pasta had a unique idea for the plot, and it was definitely written with a lot of effort put in. The grammar is alright, save for a few grammatical errors scattered about. The pacing was also pretty good, nothing really felt rushed like your last pasta.

Bad: I don't know how to describe this, but this really was not written very well. The narrator appears immature in my eyes with the way you wrote this, and he seemed to brush things off pretty quick. I noticed that this was written, as most of your other pastas are written, in somewhat of a... I honestly don't know how to describe it. It just seems... dumbed down I guess. It's written like: I did this, I did that, I was scared, etc. In a piece of writing, that's not something you want to do as it makes your story feel bland and boring, which is what this story felt like. That's something you really need to improve upon. Don't tell us that the narrator is scared, show us, or at least give us some insight as to why he's scared. Another problem with the majority of your stories, and in this one too of course, is the main character/narrator himself. He's always either coming off as childish by the way you write him, or as just unrelatable with no real details about him given. This pasta wasn't really all that creepy, mostly because of the fact that I couldn't relate to the main character at all and because of the way it was written.

Verdict: 4/10- This was a bit of a downgrade from your previous pastas. In the future, try to work on making your character more relatable with a personality and try to have better descriptions.

-Incorrect3