Talk:That's Not Me/@comment-4332975-20130623163310

I would say that length is the least of your worries. You have some problems with tone and lack of descriptiveness that ought to be dealt with first. This story, like many stories I review, suffers from the "list of things" curse, where rather than reading like a cohesive story with one event flowing into another, it simply lists off things that happened, making each into a terse, self-contained statement.

Aside from that, you've committed one of the cardinal sins in writing a mindfuck...your story is predictable. Everything in the story indicates that the narrator is a good guy that's been framed, so it's just a matter of finding out who. A good mindfuck does more than just conceal something. Much like with a good magic trick, you have to employ a bit of misdirection. The ending needs to come as a surprise, and the way you achieve that is with a careful use of doublespeak and red herrings, carefully guiding the reader to form an assumption about your story that is a valid interpretation of the clues you've given them, but ultimately the wrong answer.