Talk:Coypu Disease/@comment-25021327-20150925020219

Hmmm... This story seems to me a bit of an odd duck. I think it may have some potential to be interesting, but the tone seems a little odd at times. Not a whole lot happens in this piece, and the meat of the story seems to be mostly in the "Epilogue," the rest of the story seems like a setup to that part. It might read better if it were stretched out and had more intrigue throughout the story.

The ending felt abrupt and like a sudden change of pace to me. It went from a somewhat strange story of a frightening childhood event, to a kind of silly evil-talking-animal trying to shame the protagonist and make him feel guilty for being a bad human thing very quickly, and Im not sure it worked as intended. We seems to be fairly grounded in reality for most of the setup, (with a few exceptions that Trollish touched on in his comment) and then go full on into this surreal world. The abrupt change into a save-the-Earth monologue from a talking rodent made it feel more funny than scary.

I will say though, that I thought that the descriptions of events here were pretty well done, and the parts of the story telling of realistic events felt competantly written to me. So maybe if this piece was paced more evenly, and some of the sillier parts were toned down (Sudden talking environmentalist rodent, and the bloody eye socketc) it would read a little better. Just my opinions :)