Talk:Blue Man, Blue Man./@comment-24747574-20140711211459

Well, the idea is pretty interesting, even if not exactly new. Basically the core is a deal with something supernatural - luck at first, payment later. Now the figure and the constant reminding is interesting, however you should flesh it out more. Like "The blue man was standing in the door ...it was a massive figure, almost completely filling out the doorway. Grotesque a cartoon character would be he smiled with oversized, glowing white eyes which looked as if they were the headlights of a car..."

I mean, my sentence had probably about 30 grammar errors and wasn't very good as well, but you get my point - bring more detail in.

As i read it, i felt really engaged and was intrigued how the blue man looks or what the "payment" would be.

So - flesh out the details of the events (exactly where else did they have luck? 100$ isnt "incredible" to be honest^^) and dont be afraid to make the story a little longer, we still going to read it^^

Great idea, nice villain (since he is pretty ambiguous) and no clichés that would hurt, but the execution needs a bit of work.