Talk:The Kid/@comment-25922747-20141228174449

Well... Where do I begin... The first few sentences, are for some reason cut off way too short? Why does it end without the period, and actually why didn't that whole paragraph just stay together? Seperating it like that just didn't work at all. The story was okay, needs some work honestly. It just didn't seem to have a good story line to me. Seemed a bit rushed at times. The ending... Wow =/ I really hate to say it, but instead of saying his parents went missing toward the end, instead of giving him a bck story in the beginning, would have been easier. And having Jake say "The evil is in me I will show it to others too" Here is how it should go; "The evil is within me, and soon I will show it to all." But even then, it should not be there at all. That is an incredibly cliche'd ending... I'm pretty sure I didn't spell cliche right, but still. That was a bad ending to the story...