Talk:For, Sandra/@comment-4332975-20130912161407

Time for an actual review of this story.

For me, it actually wasn't all that creepy. What it was, actually, was a bit on-the-nose. I think that you managed to capture the feeling of losing someone and desperately wanting to get them back quite well. The description of the search was very poetic, but also very vague. In a game form that will probably work better, since you'll be able to express it through visual metaphors that will carry the weight of the symbolism a bit better. Here, it's hard to say what could be done specifically to make it stronger, but the bottom line is that you're expressing a concept that doesn't translate well into mere English. Have you considered adding pictures? Using some fair sized bits of supplementary prose and additional metaphor in place of explanatory captions could add a bit more impact. All that said though, I think you already have a good grasp on what you need to do and where the pitfalls are, and I don't regret reading it.