Talk:Stories of Demise/@comment-25021327-20150516145504

I was very tired when I read this last night, so I didn't comment, but now it is morning :D First, I'll say that I thought this was a good story, interesting plot and nice execution. Although the storyline is one that has been done before in a few different styles (See, do, or hear something and it causes you to die) I still liked how it was done here. I'm not sure I've read one before where the catylist is a word of mouth story.

One thing that I really liked was the little bit about the autopsy reports, the unknown substance. The story would have worked fine without that little detail, but its addition made this one ore interesting for me. The fact that the affliction causes not only hallucinations, or psychosis, but actual physical changes to the body makes for a slightly scarier concept. It actually reminds me a bit of VideoDrome.

There were some spelling and grammar issues here. I went through last night while I was reading, but I seem to have missed some. The way it reads now isn't too bad, but I feel like some further proofreading would do this piece some significant good. I think at one point, a line mentions papers on Daniel's desk, but I'm pretty sure that ought to be Sam's desk. There were a few spots in which the word "where" seemed to be where the word "were" should have been. Nothing major, but a little distracting.

On the first readthrough the pacing feels a bit slow at times, but as I thought about it after finishing the pasta, it more or less worked. Some readers might not like the inclusion of little details, especially in the beginning, but I think they likely help the story as a whole. This is one that I think works a bit better if it is read, or at least skimmed through a second time.

Anyhow, I liked this one. The little twist at the end although fairly well telegraphed, was kind of fun too.I'm glad I took the time (not late at night) to read this one