The Guide to Collecting Souls

WARNING: I am not responsible for any injuries, physical, psychological, or spiritual harm. If you mess up and get hurt, then it is completely your fault. Do not blame me for your screw ups.

It's always pretty difficult to get over the death of a loved one; whether it be a dog, a parent, or a friend. We miss them simply because they are not there. You won't hear Aunt Susie's cheesy jokes anymore, or grandpa's old war stories. Never. Again. At some point after their death you've probably thought to yourself "I just want them back." I'll explain to you how you will be able to accomplish that. We, not exactly. What you will be able to bring back is there soul, the integral part of who they are. By capturing their souls, you'll be able to capture their essence. The best part is, you can still interact with them as if they were still alive.

The items you need in order to preform this ritual are simple. You will need a glass jar, similar to the jars that keep honey in cartoons. The most import thing is that the jar must have a lid or top. Next, you will need a couple of matches, preferably a whole box. You will need salt, enough to form a circle around you. You will need a candle, one similar to those in churches. The final object that you will need is an object that has connection to the individual whose soul you want to capture. It can be anything: A photograph, a dog tag, hell, even a stuffed animal would work.

Now, in order to begin the ritual, light the candle on fire. Continue by dropping the matches in to the jar, all of them lit. If the matches begin to burn the jar, I recommend stopping and starting over with a jar that can withstand the heat of the matches. Place the object that you chose in front of the jar. The smoke from the matches must fill the jar for this to work. Finally, make a circle of salt around you. This salt in going to be the only thing protecting you. This is also why I recommend that you do this ritual alone, as someone unprotected from the salt circle is at EXTREMELY high risk of being chosen as the target of the ritual, not the person you intended to to be. After placing the salt, recite the following: "I have called upon you, restless spirit. I have provided you with fire, air, and a place to rest. I command you to enter the jar, and forever reside with me." This will call the soul of of your chosen object. If you've done all the steps correctly, the flame on the candle should double in size, and a faint blue glow should appear in the jar, slowly growing and growing. At this point, you might have to squint your eyes. If the blue glow does not fade back to smoke after it has stopped growing, then congratulations! You've capture the soul of whoever you wanted to. You are free converse with it all you want. Do not open the jar or let the smoke out, as the will release the soul and it will return to nature. Then you will have to do the ritual all over again.

Remember though, that calling a soul from nature and capturing it is a crime against the order of life, as you have effectively brought someone back from the dead, just without a physical body. Thus, you may experience some unfortunate events following the ritual; animals will become much more hostile towards you, even including passive animals such as deer, natural disasters will be more common in your area, and you may have some bad karma for a bit. If you get tired of this, simply release the soul by opening the jar. However, if you fail to lay the proper protection of salt around anyone participating in the ritual, then their soul will be taken into the jar. Inside is a vast, blank, an empty space. All that you can see or hear is what the person who summoned you shows you or tells you. You will be stuck in there forever until someone opens the jar. And if you did the ritual alone, and no one is around, well then, expect to be in there for a long time.