Talk:The Streetpass function/@comment-24181739-20140703013746

Um... This needs some work.

First of all, quite a lot of spelling mistakes that could easily have been fixed by using your spellcheck. The most noticable misspell is the word "comming", which should have been "coming." That is an easy misspell to fix. Just take out an m!

Second of all the plot. The pacing is terrible. It goes too quickly, making it hard to know what happened. The default Mii twist shouldn't have been the end. Why didn't it chase the narrator? Why didn't it hurt them, if they were so close? This can't be a mindfuck because of that one plothole. And the plotholes are all over, making for a fast, low-quality read. The pacing makes it worse, as it moves along so fast you don't know anything of what happened. What happened after the Mii stared at the narrator? What happened BEFOREHAND? What did the narrator do wrong?! So many questions go unanswered, and that makes it a bad attempt at a bad idea in the first place.

Third of all, the idea. The idea was original, just do this 10 years AFTER the 3DS was made, not 3 years! The 3DS is far too recent. It's a bad idea to do this now, because the 3DS is not known to do this, and the pasta should be a scare. This idea wasn't scary!

Fourth of all, the scares. There were NONE. The scares were lacking and that's what makes some pastas special!

1.00 / 5.22, 19.16%, or an F.

This Pasta was short, and sour.