Talk:Pokemon 666/@comment-11079349-20131221173402

... interesting. this is only mildly creepy, but I could see the deterioration of the protagonist's mind. However, a few things got to me.

First was the life of the champion guy. How did the pokemon know about how hollow it felt to him, or did it just convince him that was reality?

Second, the champion of Kanto would have lasted longer than that, so a champion of all six regions getting so easily manipulated? Yeah, I can't really see it ... then again, he's no Red, so maybe I'm wrong.

Finally, everything seems a bit too fast. Champion saw the pokemon once and immediately wanted to steal it? I don't think it would be quite that fast. I know I shouldn't really be bashing on things so much when I'm not a great creepypasta writer myself, but this felt like it took a couple minutes to play out when such a dark, mysterious force is supposed to take a while.

I can't use my usual "one universal rating" on this, because several factors have different scores in my mind. 8/10 for the concept. You even used the biggest cliche "666" well. 6/10 for execution. Everything played out a little too fast. 6.5/10 for atmosphere. You managed to make me understand what was happening, but the atmosphere lacked that certain punch. 9.9/10 for spelling, grammar and all that, 0.1 points away from perfect because I saw one or two small punctuation errors. and finally, 9/10 for the use (or lack thereof) of cliches. you had one, and that was in the title. so, once again, those ratings are as follows.

concept: 8/10

execution: 6/10

atmosphere: 6.5/10

spelling and whatnot: 9.9/10

cliche use or misuse: 9/10

overall score: 7.8/10

This was pretty good as far as a true mathematical rating goes. personally, I believe execution is most important above all else, so I'd give it something like 6.4/10. still a good read and something I would tell friends to read if they were looking for a good story.