Talk:My Empty Mind/@comment-25021327-20150813212358

I like post-apocalyptic stories and abandoned building/areas, so kudos for that :D I thought that this story was okay, the length worked for me and the pacing felt consistent. The amnesiac character wandering a wasteland is something that has been done before, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be done again :3

I've noticed that you have a very clinical way of writing. I tend to like the concepts you come up with, all the details are addressed, and things are pretty much always clear, but I tend to feel a disconnect with some of your writings. I guess what I mean is that it seems like a lot of the descriptions here feel a bit sterile. There is a lot of I-see-this, I-did-this, I-felt-scared/depressed/etc. It gets the point across, but I feel like I'd like a little more from the character. To get to know him better so I can feel more for his circumstances.

It's a tough thing to explain I guess, and I hope you don't find it too insulting. A lot of things did work here like the descriptions and settings, there were some interesting visuals like the cylindrical tower, and the blue and purple room with the video screen. As a whole I just felt a little disconnected I guess, and the ending felt a little abrupt to me as well. I like that it was left open ended and a bit vague, but it also felt like the story kind of just stopped.

But it's a pretty quick read, with a neat concept :)