User blog:SheyGrell/So here's the story...

So it's come to my attention that people have actually gave a shit about my opinion on certain things within this community. I'm not going tie here; That has honestly surprised me. I know I was one of the people to get reading from Mutahar himself, but I honestly expected any response I had towards whatever he might've said in his videos to go as another dramatic little 'teen scene' that would just be brushed aside, before I was consequentially banned for my actions. So, as much as it might frustrate some people, I'm not going to skip to the point. I'm going to lay the full story out here, so you guys can hopefully see my point of view on this. If not, that's fine & I'm not going to stp you from your own views.

Let's go back to when I first started writing. I began watching Mutahar back when he was recording audio on his phone (Y'know, the really crackly & tinny kind of auido that he used to have with the earlier videos like for example, Sonic.exe?). I went on a "binge" of his videos at one point, if you will. From listening to his criticisms upon various stories, I was inspired to just sit down one day & think 'Okay, let's put this stuff to use, shall we?'. The result was Anti-Sonic.dll. Something taht even before SOG read, I was actually kind of proud of because of the fact I consciously tried to avoid the cliches he mentioned in previous episodes of haunted gaming. Then one day, I looked in my subscription box & saw A thumbnail with Sonic.exe in it... Then I saw the title. Seriously, my heart kind of skipped a beat when the ol' brain connected 2 & 2. I watched he whole thing, fully took in the criticisms he had to offer & even kept them in mind while moving forward in my pursuits of making this a series (You might be able to tell how abitious I was from the ending of said CP). After reading it, I was inspired to go further, more than ever before. Hence, I started making use of my YouTube channel in more ways than just uploading any songs I wanted to use as a soundtrack (but couldn't find on YT itself). I started doing something I always wanted to try my hand at; Voice acting (... You might already know where this is going, but please bear with me here since there is a point to it). The first video I ever did of this was an excerpt from Antri-Sonic.dll, the dialogue being Sonic's part in the story (Having fun? I hope so, etc.). Then as time went by, I got to speak with the JC-The-Hyena himself (Who, and I know this probably going to warrant a lot of hate within itself, while I can't help but admit is a bit of an 'oddball' in some ways, is in fact a good person & doesn't deserve the shit he gets, despite any previous actions he's guilty of on other sites such as the CP wiki itself), and after a while decided the dialogue for the original CP itself, but with a really cheap headset & lots of fuzz in the background. Yet people still absolutely flocked towards it for some reason. Seriously, it even pissed me off at one point that people weren't checking out any of the other stuff I had to offer, but instead were giving this one video so much attention when I was putting more & more effort into the work I did. Anywho, after a while someone came along & gave me the whole 'omg you're amazing could you do some dialogue for me' act & I was stupid enough to actually fall for it. Seriously, I spent about 3 days solid boxing myself in my sound booth, recording dialogue that I didn't know wasn't going to even be used. Worst part was that the guy didn't think it was all that much of a big deal, but I was pissed after the effort put into that stuff.

Befor I mention the next part of this story, I just want to mention (And please keep in mind that I don't expect or probably even want anyone to go 'Aww poor you!') there was an incident on my channel involving a trailer I made for a game that JC's currently developing. While I have a contribution in it, it's only in the form of that trailer & the voice acting for the guardians. That beings said, this whole incident went on while I was actually ill from a virus (I know you won't believe this, but it actually lasted somewhere around 3 months) that meant I was only operating at about two thirds of my brain capacity. While that was going on, a massive argument with other family members took place, resulting in me feeling like there was quite a fair amount piled againt me. Then all of a sudden, bam; Top 10 CreepyPastas, as far as Mutahar was concerned. Seriously, I don't know why I checked it out, since I wasn't hopeful about my story appearing in that list. But it did. Seriously, I couldn't even express in words how that made me feel. Well, I probably could, but they were all reserved for Mutahar in an email... That later on, he acknowledged to such an extent, he even made a video about it. Again, it was the same circumstance as the CP list, strangely enough. I don't know what the hell made me think I would get a mention in that, but I did. Holy shit that was a surprise.

Anywho, returning to the subject of that dialogue I recorded; Soon enough, I decided that I wasn't going to let that stuff go to waste, so it was decided that a voice reel would be made of Sonic.exe's re-recorded dialogue. It turns out that went down so well, that some time down the line, MY5TCrimson contacted me & asked if it was okay to use the recordings (Told you that you'd know where this is going, but trhere's still more so if you'd just bear with a bit longer).

When v7 of the Sonic.exe game was released, I'll freely admit that I checked out a few of the reactions to this new addition to it. Though it did give me a moment of feeling smug, I was aware that some one such as SOG was yet to hear it. Are you starting to see why I reacted like I did? Another moment of honesty here; When I saw that video come up in the subscription box for v7, that was as big a deal to me as Anti-Sonic.dll. I was a member of this community, making contributions to this mythos that were actually being deemed as acceptable. You all know that because of the subject matter, it's consistently thin ice to skate on, so I thought I was actually doing good eith everything I was working on... Then I heard Mutahar's verdict.

"The most cringe-worthy voice acting you've ever heard"? Foregoing any of the nerdy details of things I could name that are far worse than what I do, here's something for you to consider mutar. Something this whole experience has taught me; Everytime you decide to shit on other people's efforts like you did in that video, you're not just trying to be entertaining. You're actually addressing someone else's efforts, mocking the work they put into it. Sure you can argue that a lot of things don't exactly have as much work put into them as they should, but jesus christ Mutahar, why did that reaction have to be from you of all people? After all that bullshit you came up with about "inspiration", you then decide it's funny to go back on that word & carelessly try & instill your comdedy value on this matter? For fuck's sake man, you certainly look old enough to be wise enough to take that sort of stuff into consideration, so start showing that kind of sense of common courtesy already.

... That rant being out of the way... At the same time, I can't blame him for his reaction. I'm fully aware of the subject, but I can't help but admit that I really did put effort into that performance. After how it was recieved, I thought it was all a good idea, and while I really souldn't be all that bothered by his reaction, I am. And hopefully you can see why; Because it's him of all people. The person that actually got me any of the recognition I have today.

I guess it's just as Mutahar said. He is god... of the recycle bin... Which, I just simply can't sugarcoat this with any kind of polite & passive aggressive tone; Fuck you for that one, plain & simple.

So how has this story ended up? If only you could hear how much I'm laughing to myself right now, for whatever reason that I don't even know & probably never will. Mutahar shitting over what feels like the accumilation of two years work, and me backing myself into a corner in which I have to admit about being mentally unhinged. How pathetic is that? Seriously, I know there's some trolls about that if they read this, they're going to have a fucking field day. And it's as much my fault as it is Mutahar's (Say what you will, if he hadn't have been so careless about his views then I wouldn't have reacted in the way I did). Seriously, how absent-minded is it that someone puts themself in a position that they have to admit they don't function correctly in the head? How does that sound for someone that wants to contribute towards the story of Sonic.exe? I guess the whole point of anything I've done makes a whole lot more sense now. It's sad, idsn't it? And again, there's that laughter at whatever I'm supposed to find funny. But at the same time, I'm making no mistake that Mutahar did this to me. I did this to myself & have to pay the price.

As much as I don't want to admit it at this time, there is a huge part of me that's so sorry for what I've said & done. But after saying that, I know how strange this will sound, I'm not fully ready to take it back. Actually, I don't think either would be ready for that. Things have been said on both sides that are pretty irredeemable. Mutahar with his coments on the voice acting in said game & me with my commentrs of telling him where to go. Basically, whatever judgement you'll have on this (Seriously, you have every right to go down the path of 'Oh, so you just can't take criticism'), whatever the outcome of this "little" blog here is, and whatever the reaction of everyone here is? I feel like my decisions here & to Mutahar personaly have made things pretty fargone.

Basically, to sum this little ramble here; I do regret my actions but it's time I took my leave. Many apologies to anyone who might not like thise news, but after my actions, It's for the best.

See y'all round.