Talk:The Truth Hurts/@comment-6470295-20130214185029

Just going to repair this and probably correct some grammatical errors, to make it easier for some other people to read, and since it was removed for what seems like no reason, and say that i agree with Mr. Gyigas there.

There is way too much blood for something so short. A bit of blood here and there hurts no one, but just reading this through, this is just..way, way too bloody for it's lenght.

There's also what i like the call the "Dot dot dot dot dot dot Syndrome", which is overused in this. It's fine when used after a thraumatic event, or for other things you normally use three periods for, but nearly every sentence in this ends with three periods, which just takes away from the story.

There is also no build up at all here. The story is  resumable by "Scream, blood, smashed in the face with a hammer, oh man more blood dead creepy phrase."

Now, you said you were going for the mindfuck aspect, which i don't really see in this. If you want tips on how to successfully mindfuck people, try thinking of ways to use word play to talk about some stuff (Example, Day Crew = Deku) without giving it away. I'm a huge fan of the mindfuck creepypastas because they use clever ways to make it so they're not easily noticable, and i respect your attempt at making one yourself even if you didn't put much effort at all in the "justgoingtofuckyourmindforawhilehopeyoudon'tmind!" aspect. It doesn't really matter all that much.

All in all, i will leave you with these words: Keep writing. It's not something everyone can do well, but with enough training, even people who write Jeff the killer spinoffs can be good writers.