Talk:Prime.exe/@comment-5358960-20130528015649

"I had to do a system update, which took oddly, one minute." This is supposed to be a recurring phenomenom, or something that has some story signifigance later. Remember in 3 Ninjas when Rock hands Master Miyagi the jelly beans for good luck, and master Miyagi shoves the jelly beans down an enemy's throat to win a battle? It would be pointless if Rock was like "Here's some jelly beans for good luck." "Ahh, thanks Rock." and it never gets revisited. Everything in a story should either have some signifigance, or work to progess the story. "It took one minute. Coincedentally, I noticed the loading screen loaded for one minute." then later in on the story "It took only one minute for [the antagonist] to [do that really bad thing] to [the protaganist]. I'm noticing that many things are taking exactly one minute, as I have a wall clock above my television." Now you have the recurring phenomenon, time for the signifigance. Perhaps your house had burned down in one minute? Your mother was in labor for only one minute? Your wife was murdered in one minute? You strive to make lengthy tasks take one minute as part of a healthy lifestyle? Think of something, anything. Creepypastas are supposed to be obscure. Just find something that works. If you want to be cliche' "I looked up at the wall clock after that odd and terrifying experience to find that I had only been playing one minute." -And then name the creepypasta "One Minute" or something. Overall, there's some effort here and I like that. An A for effort I say!