Talk:"The Stone Island"/@comment-4332975-20160607043149

Well, I can't fault you for length. However, a lot of it seems to be simple padding; "I did this. Then I did this. I read every single option on the main menu. Then I fiddled around in the options for a while..." There's detail that exists to make the story more engaging, and there's detail that exists to simply pad the word count. There's a lot of the latter here, and sadly not enough of the former. Despite a whole paragraph dedicated to just starting the game for the first time, when it came to the things that should be scary, scarcely a line or two is given to descriptions.

Aside from that, there's the issue of the concept. The idea of a game becoming "fed up" with cheating is an interesting notion. However, the story does a poor job of presenting that idea. The world in which the main events take place, for a start, was made before the narrator began to cheat. The worlds they actively cheated in, we are led to believe are just fine. Nor do we see any real signs that it is the narrator cheating that is causing everything. They "just know" that to be the reason. Not only that, but since the protagonist uses a lot of mods, and has never been to the End before, we don't even know if all of this isn't just a mod at work. They certainly don't seem afraid, nor is there shown to be any real threat. They just lose and are "disgraced" at losing.

There's also a matter of typos and clichés. They're there. That's about all I can say about them. Some clichés and typos are going to happen. I didn't honestly think there were so many that it distracted from the story here. That said, when it comes to the clichés, at least, they also didn't help to enhance the story. Clichés become such for a reason, and it's when you don't use them effectively that they worsen a story. Here...they weren't used badly, but they lacked any impact on the story at all, which is arguably as bad, since people are naturally going to be looking for them more in this context.

My final verdict is...I just didn't enjoy this one very much.