Superbia

 Prologue.



 Hallo. I would like to begin with sort of a warning. This story I’m telling? It is not particularly...well...scary. I know some of you are expecting people getting disemboweled, blood oozing from every corner and demonic voices mixing up with static noise right before hellspawn reaches through the screen and pulls the player out of this world forever. Well...sorry to disappoint some of you i guess. It is simply a retrospective diary - a reconstruction of events that happened and almost killed me...well, not really...it is...it is complicated. I do not even believe it was anything supernatural at all...judge for yourself, just dont go bonkers with some wild ghost theories on me, i don't really need the endless discussion about what "really" happened and what not.

 If you stick with it though, it should become easier to grasp what occurred back then. The reason I am writing it is not to entertain you or get as many "likes" or "favorites" as possible, but rather to share and maybe - just maybe - have someone who ever happens to be in the same situation know what to do and what might happen. If you aren’t up for long build ups and do not care who I am or what exactly lead to the whole...whatever it was, just skip to the 26th September.



 Juni-Juli 2008:



 Believe it or not, but in my city (Munich, Germany) some libraries actually have games that you can borrow just like a book and bring back after you played it. Of course it should be in proper shape and usable and they were for PC only. The choice one had was small but pretty. Most of those games were bought by the library only after many people recommended it or if someone actually donated them. Back then I had no allowances from my parents, so I was more than happy to get a chance to play so many games I could not buy.

 One caught my eye only after a while. Maybe it was not there before as someone already had borrowed it prior, it is still pretty popular after all. It was The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. Being oblivious of most games I was fascinated by its colors, its depth. All the possibilities. The characters felt actually alive. Not like alive-alive, but vivid, engaging, charismatic, you know what I mean. I played it for weeks on my vacation and enjoyed every bit. I had not modded it even a tiny bit back then. 100% Vanilla it still offered a tremendous amount of content. After a while I had to return it. It was not too bad and I was not sad. It was more like saying “bye” to friend after having some awesome time together. Something still told me now and then to pick it up again, however, school and college never game me the opportunity to.



 18thSeptember 2012:



 As so often before I wallowed in nostalgia and decided to visit the game once more, which I so enjoyed 4 years ago. This time I bought it on steam and normally installed it. Then went to the nexus – a website for mods of any kind for the game. I began downloading around 1 AM and ended half asleep at about 7 in the morning. I don’t even know anymore what 20-30% of those mods were. I know I picked some standard ones like prettier faces and textures and also some of the less known which only had a couple of downloads but nice screenshots or descriptions. I think it suffices to say, that in the end the harddrive on my PC had 50 gigabytes less available space.



 19th-25th   September 2012:



<p class="MsoNormal"> As I woke up, drooling on the table, slowly gaining my consciousness back and feeling as my brain began to function relatively normal again I looked at the screen and saw, that all of those mods in the queue had been downloaded. Unpacked all of them, activated every single one and started the game. It froze, and crashed, but I only had to uncheck a couple of those mods which were causing problems and after 15 minutes of restarting and deselecting the files one by one I figured out which one it was.

<p class="MsoNormal"> An important thing you might want to know about me, before we dwell deeper into the story is, that I am a person who doesn’t fill the role of the character he controls himself if given the choice. More often than not I would create a female character. One that I would command, defend and help as she progressed through the world. I felt always more like an advisor, a manager or…well, you know, someone who keeps an eye out for you in the field, so you may succeed. More of a caretaker than a daredevil. Not having many friends I began very early to bond with those characters. It went far beyond “player” and “game”. You are welcome to laugh at me, but I almost never accepted their death and did what I could to keep them alive – cheated, save scummed, overleveled – whatever it took.

<p class="MsoNormal"> It shouldn’t wonder you then, that the character I created was a beautiful, silver haired and silver eyed elven woman with a slight, proud smile on her face. I messed around with her facial features for about 3 hours and when I finished, it felt as if she would look down on everything. As if she was the queen of the world. I know some mods had warned me about quests with high difficulty or even unfair enemies which you could only defeat by combining several tricks the game had to offer and which rendered normal battles into childsplay, but I wanted to challenge it and gave her a name – “Superbia”. I will save you the trouble - its translation is "pride" or "vanity". One of the seven deadly sins.

<p class="MsoNormal"> After starting the campaign and gaining control of her after the cutscene, the screen got dogpiled by notifications of new quests, locations and new features. I clicked them all away without a second thought, until a quest popped up that was written in mixed upper and lower case letters. Sure, a cheap way to get attention but it worked on me. It said, that I should not mingle with this world’s affairs. “YoU aRE cHOsEn tO Be a pOWeRful bEiNg. bUT kNOw yOur liMiTs. It iS NOt yoUr wORld aNd yOu arE mERely a gUeSt. ShOUld yoU eVEr foRGet THaT, a pRicE muSt be pAid tHat cAnNot be mEAsuREd in blOoD or gOld”. It was a thrill and the sin I had chosen for myself and my character this time was “pride” anyways. I simply had to answer this "call", this challenge! I was dead set on tearing this worlds limitations apart! Ok, admitedly there was no hint on how to actually do it or trigger the quest, so as interesting as it appeared, I had no hint or questmarker explaining how to actually trigger the event bound to this warning.

<p class="MsoNormal"> The game went on without any strange occurrences. Some mods were unique, others rather normal but none ruined the game experience or obstructed my journey. Having advanced knowledge of the game I trained her in a way, which would allow to push all stats excluding luck to 100 (which is maximum in Oblivion, though luck can be pushed to 100 as well, it would make the game really tedious). As we finished more and more side quests off and destroyed any adversary that stood in our way, she had made herself the strongest armor possible, a small arsenal of enchanted weapons for every situation possible and an array of spells that ranged from tricking the enemy to simply annihilating him. She was perfect I thought to myself. Stronger than anyone, my beautiful warrior princess. We made it.

<p class="MsoNormal"> I ended the main quest line, which I had saved for the last, as it provided portals to oblivion as long as you were in the middle of the main events. I used it to farm artifacts and alchemical ingredients as well as for the giggles of slaying the demonic hell spawn that poured out of those rifts.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal"> 26th September 2012

<p class="MsoNormal"> After finishing the campaign and rested at one of my houses, I received yet another pop-up. It was written in the same mixed upper-lower case manner as the one telling me not to get cocky. And oh dear, I was so cocky, you could put me on a Devil May Cry 3 cover and call me fat Dante. The message said, that I went too far. That there are limits to what one can do and that I had reached them. It wouldn’t matter what I tried or how hard I would struggle, some things cannot be done and some cannot be undone. If I accept this simple truth, then I should stay out of Kvatch’s church. If not, I were invited to come and learn my lesson of what is inevitable.

<p class="MsoNormal"> Having the almighty power of the console commands with me I simply grinned and went there. Sure, probably just an extremely tough boss. Something that would try to fuck with your mind and question your skills, but it couldn’t have more than god mode and then I would just throw up the console, take his invincibility and have a normal battle. My own thoughts are haunting me still “''You think you are the shit? You are just a modder, just someone who overrules the game. Let me show you what it means to be the ruler of this world, its prodigy, its messiah. I will crush you and whatever challenge you throw at me.”  '' - hell, pride is a treacherous misstress, that's for sure.

<p class="MsoNormal"> Now the thing is – Kvatch was the city, which was taken down by the demonic creatures first. It was overrun quickly and the only survivors hid in the church, holding off waves of imps and daedra until the player comes along and closes the gate to the unholy realm. The city can be claimed again, but stays burning and destroyed, as no one has time to repair it. Due to whatever - probably limited resources - the fire stays. Days pass, weeks, months - every single thing that was burning keeps doing so until the end of eternity. It is not like the play is supposed to return there - there is simply not a single reason to. Thinking back, it is strange though. The fire had no function, it could been simply disabled...anyways, just getting confused again, moving on.

<p class="MsoNormal"> I went for it. Quicktraveled there and entered the church. Equipped with my strongest magic and best equipment I could think of. The church was empty. I went to the altar and saw a scroll lying on it as well as a sword with the name “The sword of light and shadow”. Those words sounded back then as yet another clichéd attempt to scare me. They said “DoN’t tuRn arOUnd. LOok doWn foR 60 seCOndS to sHow yoUr hUmiLitY aNd tHen jUSt waLk awAy. I DID waRn you. ArE You toO pRoUd to liSTen? WhaT is iT wOrTh to You tO kEEp yOur heAd up hiGh? AnD hoWeVer yOu miGHt dECide: Do noT Use thE sWOrd!”

<p class="MsoNormal"> I chuckled, closed the scroll and went to bed after quicksaving and shutting the game down. I had to think about it.

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<p class="MsoNormal"> 27th September 2012

<p class="MsoNormal"> I started where I quit. I was somehow intrigued and both options were tickling my curiosity. I knew that turning around would probably spawn something. I even suggested, that an NPC stood already there, waiting for me. Oblivion LOVED to do this and modders did so even more. I haven’t reenchanted my whole equipment just to walk away I thought. I spinned around and grinned In expectation. What I saw was what I expected. It was a dark elf. White hair, red eyes, bluish skin. Typical for this race. It was rather strange though, that he smiled as if we had the best possible relationship. Normally you would achieve this with an annoying minigame or with a nifty spell. Even NPCs that hated you would turn into your best friends for a moment, but he was already scripted to be friendly…it was... uncommon to say the least.

<p class="MsoNormal"> I think this was the first time I felt that something was off. My intuition told me, that I might have made a mistake, but hey, it’s a game and I have my save-files. Who cares?

<p class="MsoNormal"> As always when speaking to an NPC the camera got pinned to his face and movement was disabled. Typically for Oblivion he began with a staring contest just like any other NPC did and a dialogue box popped up “Are you prepared for your punishment?”. I smiled, recalled quickly all the shortcuts and nodded behind my monitor clicking “Yes” at the same time. He backed up and pulled…he pulled an iron dagger. One of the – if not THE – weakest weapon in the game. I expected spells to be fired at me, but nothing happened. He was just dancing back and forth like a warrior AI would if it can’t reach you. His robe didn’t look too special, so I shrugged with disappointment and pulled out my two-handed sword. High attack, nice enchantment. Made for long battles and basically my all-round weapon at that time. I took a swing. He flinched and lost health……about 1%.....I looked at the weapon – it wasn’t broken or anything of that sort and I wasn’t debuffed. I stroke again, again and again, rending through his flesh frantically smiling as I saw his lifepoints depleting. Then it happened – after reaching about 50% of his health, he simply began to regenerate. FAST, about 10% per second. I switched my weapon to the dagger quickly after bringing him down to 50% again. It could be used only 5 times before recharging, but dealt massive amounts of damage with each strike - frost, fire, lightning AND non-elemental at that, surpassing almost any resistance normal enemies had. It wasn’t enough. It took about 5% off with each strike, but I couldn’t use it forever and he regenerated quickly. It was odd, but I was too shocked at the moment – he didn’t fight back. He just took whatever I threw at him.

<p class="MsoNormal"> Needless to say, that spells weren’t of great help either. He was simply way to overpowered…expect for this sword I picked up from the altar… You will find stuff when searching for “Oblivion Das Schwert aus Licht und Schatten” rather than “The sword of light and shadow”. There are many threads claiming it to be fake after not being able to find it for themselves…but I assure you, it’s true, very true. A couple of modders once tried to recreate it, but couldn’t as one of them died. ( http://forum.scharesoft.de/showthread.php?20737-Das-Schwert-aus-Licht-und-Schatten/page8 )

<p class="MsoNormal"> You see, the weapon is terribly overpowered. It basically can kill any NPC, even those marked immortal and had stats that were out of any logical range. Enough to one-hit-kill everything.

<p class="MsoNormal"> I could have used my invisibility and chameleon spells to just get the hell out of there, but I knew, that I saved right in front of the church and I wanted to kill that asshole. Not by simply dumping his stats but by crushing him in his current state. This mod was clearly unbalanced and so it would be only fair to use the overpowered weapon it provided. Anger for being tricked, greed for the loot he might drop, bloodlust, too lazy to reload instantly and take another approach, envious of its stats, overindulged with all my flawless victories and finally to proud to give up... I equipped the sword. A purple and yellow glow surrounded me and the blade itself was transparent, bursting with particles. The dark elf stood there and smiled unimpressed...no, not only that, it was a triumphant smile... I charged him and struck…the game froze. Not crashed, it froze. Particles, regeneration, everything. Then I saw movement. This creepy asshole just moved one step to the side and the time went on. My swing missed of course and the dialogue was engaged once more.

<p class="MsoNormal"> “I see, that there is nothing you wouldn’t do to achieve victory, being it ever so minor.” – his eyes looked at me through the monitor, just as Oblivion NPCs always do, but it was somehow different. Maybe I was tired, but it felt like he was actually looking at ME. – “Do you know, what you did to her? To your precious little girl?” – He smiled still with the uncanny grin, I wished I could smack out of his face. I opened the inventory and looked at her…all covered in her ebony heavy armor, I couldn’t see anything, but there was something wrong. Something very wrong. Her pose was...off.

<p class="MsoNormal"> I hovered with my mouse over the helmet, trying to bring up the strength to unequip it and watch at her face, but I somehow couldn’t. After about 2 minutes I clicked on her gauntlets. They went off and I felt as my face turned pale when the blood left it. It wasn't that marble-colored flawless elvish skin anymore. Her hands were covered in greenish, decaying skin. Blisters and open muscles looked at me as I began to realize what happened to her. She was an undead. A zombie. As I looked at her dead flesh, I slowly clicked the gauntlets again, so her hands were covered once more. An immediate feeling of guilt and terror swept over me.

<p class="MsoNormal"> Then I almost fell out of my seat – normally the game is paused when you are in a menu, but the elf just looked around the corner of the menu at me, as if I was hiding behind it. “So perfect yet so full of sin…I think I should end this piggy-back ride”. The camera flinched, turned blurry for a second, as he stretched out his hand and I was now in the 3rd person view. My menus closed and I saw her standing before him. She acted…confused. She looked around, as if she lost something important and tried to back up, but he lunged towards her, gripped her by the throat and hold up in the air, as she struggled to free herself.

<p class="MsoNormal">'' Struggle?!? -  I got angry, really angry this time – this fucker just created a completely overpowered, cheating NPC and now my character with maxed out stats can even escape his bony fingers?!? What bullshit is this? ''I saw her scratching, hitting, kicking, even firing a couple of spells in his face, nothing helped. She was still fighting, but went on her knees as her limbs lost their strength. I heard her gasping for air. He wasn’t suffocating her completely, only so far that she would go down. You bastard…you damn bastard…. – I bit my lip and the metallic taste of blood spread through my mouth as well as the sensation of pain, but I was focusing him. My proud princess, this warrior who bowed before nobody was kneeling at the feet of this scum…

<p class="MsoNormal"> “Look at her…so strong yet so fragile. Withstood every odd, took every risk and survived, just to be broken by the one she trusted most…” I swore to myself, that I would beat the modder senseless if I would ever meet him. He humiliated her... I couldn’t bear it. I tried to watch away as her hands went limp and she was barely conscious. I looked at her and I could have sworn to see her eyes through the helmets opening. I knew it couldn’t be, but what I saw there…it was a question – “Why?” She looked like someone who got hit by a bullet and was trying to realize why his blood is flowing out of the hole in his chest that wasn't there a second before. Sadness, fear, pain, confusion – all of it shined through to me and I couldn’t take it anymore. Tears of hate and pain ran down my face. It might not be normal to feel so attached I know, but this was too much!

<p class="MsoNormal"> I looked at him again. An interaction option appeared at the same time as a new pop-up window ingame: “You sacrificed your character for your pride. All save files of her were deleted. Return to the main menu and create a new one.” I clicked it away, and smashed the interaction button. He smiled ever so brightly “What? She is mine now. If she could serve one, she can serve another. Don’t worry, she is in proper hands. I will teach her some manners first and when I’m done, she should be very useful. After all she basically rules every guild and doesn’t look to bad either. My bed wont warm itself.”

<p class="MsoNormal"> I gnashed my teeth at the thought, but what followed was a stream of pictures. They were drawn only schematically, the character on them had nearly no distinctive features like hair or cloth, so it basically could be anyone, but I knew who it was. The character was tortured, over and over again new pictures appeared. It wasn’t some harmless shit like punches to the face or cutting off fingers…no, when anyone – no matter how strong or powerful – would go through all those procedures, he would be nothing more than a whimpering sack of bones and innards. I heard and felt a crack as one of my teeth couldn’t withstand the pressure and yet another stream of pain shot through my body. I wanted to turn away, not to look at it but was hypnotized by those gruesome perversions that played before my eyes.

<p class="MsoNormal"> The screen returned back to normal and I looked again at this damn, smiling face. An idea reached my mind, I opened the console, selected him and entered the kill command…I couldn’t. Not physically - the console simply deleted the last letter of my command as I KNOW that I typed it twice…or have I just pushed to softly?... I tried again, but the console wasn’t opening. Instead this guy still smiled at me and the dialogue went on “Why don’t you quit? I promise, I only need one. If you would just restart your game and create another one, you can do whatever you please. Promised”

<p class="MsoNormal"> The options were a couple. Some were submissive or begging to release her, but I have chosen “Superbia…I will save you. I don’t know how or when. But I will. Don’t give up”. He chuckled, but then she took her strength together, stood up and to the surprise of the elf threw a sucker punch. The elf tumbled and released her throat. She looked at me and a dialogue was engaged for a second just to close immediately. “RUN!”…she told ME to run, but I couldn’t. I was just a fucking camera, hanging 3 meters above the ground. No weapons, no movement beside rotation…I watched in horror as our adversary stood up, and simply stabbed her. She fell to the ground and disappeared. He looked at me and his smile was finally a frown, one that NPCs get when they hate you. I knew that I could simply shut down the game or even my whole PC, but it stated, that all savefiles were gone and I couldn’t check it, because he moved even when the game was paused. As he raised his arm at me once again, I saw the screen fading again to full darkness. A status pop-up appeared “As you wish. Defeat this game once again. You have one chance”.

<p class="MsoNormal"> I was completely wrecked and unnerved by now. It felt like a train drove right into my face and every second that past felt like a minute. Additionally the pulsating pain in my mouth grew stronger. When I finally could see again, I had the very normal UI and was at the very normal location. The very same - normal - prison cell you always start in. Only one major difference. There was no light source apart from a purple and golden glowing sword with a transparent blade laying on the ground. I watched at my character from a menu. The only thing he wore at all was a helmet. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t bring myself to take it off. It was silly to think that I would see my own face beneath…but I couldn’t. Reluctant to pick up the sword I only dragged it across the room to see a little more. What I found made myself tear up again. Superbia – my beautiful, unwavering master of war sat there in a corner and with a scared look in her eyes. Her whole body was still rotting alive. She was bald on small areas, as she lost her hair which also became dirty and dull. I went close to her and crouched by her side.

<p class="MsoNormal"> I was crying. Not shedding manly tears or sobbing or any of that bullshit – I was crying like a little bitch. After some minutes it took me to get my shit together again I spoke to her through the dialogue. I only list those I actually picked, there were always at least 2 options to pick from.

<p class="MsoNormal"> “You….you are here?...No, its just a dream, right?...Are you there?” – as she spoke her eyes looked at something endlessly distant. She was blindly staring with her dead gaze.

<p class="MsoNormal"> “Yes, yes I am here. I will get you out now” – she shook her head violently and stretched her decaying hand out to feel my face

<p class="MsoNormal"> “You…you are alive, that’s good…Don’t pick up that sword, please, just go away, you still can. Shut it all down and go, please…” – I shook my head in disbelief as if to unwillingly mimic her

<p class="MsoNormal"> “What did he do to you?!?” – never in my life I was so painfully sad. How could any modder do such thing to a character…I didn't and never would care, that they were only 1's and 0's, bits and bytes - they were still personalities. Scripted, programmed, whatever, but they were personalities and I always did whatever was possible to protect them...until today...

<p class="MsoNormal"> “Its alright” – she tried to smile a little – “We two – you and me - had some awesome time together… We saved the world, we ruled the guilds, we defeated countless foes…c’mon, big boy, just let me be and go”

<p class="MsoNormal"> I felt more sick and tired with every minute that passed. The pain was strong enough to cause nausea and seeing her like this wasn't helpful in this case either.

<p class="MsoNormal"> “I deserve whatever price I have to pay for it” – the answer option staggered me for a while. Something was telling me, that It wasn’t just about this game anymore. I felt the paranoia crawl up inside my brain and making me think, it would all be real. That someone would actually make me pay…I clicked on it.

<p class="MsoNormal"> The dialogue closed, but she kept begging and pleading to me. Even more in rage – no, utter wrath – I chose the weapon and equipped it. Immediately the purple color flashed again and instantly my character was an undead as well – a damn Zed. She looked at me as if she were crying as the option to “talk” changed to “pick up”. I was shocked a little. You couldn’t pick up characters – only search or talk to them, but not pick up…I used the option and 1/3 of my screen got covered in rotting meat. I switched to third person and saw, that my character had her laying over his shoulder. Also my weight load. It was at its maximum. Should I pick up even a flower, it would render me motionless. The sword, the helmet and her. Not a single grain of dust more.

<p class="MsoNormal"> At a snail’s pace we left the cell the old way and proceeded. Nothing really changed aside from the fact that the main quest had start anew and everyone ignored me having a naked zombie-woman lying on my shoulder all while being a naked dead zombie ex-prisoner with a glowing purple sword... I tried to save, but it didn’t work. Having a break ingame I checked by tabbing out and it was true – all my save files were gone. I switched back and began to think. No quicktravel is possible when overloaded and at this speed it would take days to get to the end of the game, even with its short campaign. Almost no armor, no potions, no shield. The numbing pain in my cracked tooth and bitten tongue was bad, but I also noticed an itching on my back. It was all of a sudden almost unbearable and I scratched. When my fingers touched the spot it felt as if I tried to stick a jagged piece of metal into it and when I watched my fingers they were a little bloody on the tips. I ran to the bathroom and saw at my back…

<p class="MsoNormal"> Now the thing is – I am not a doctor…but what I saw could only be one thing in my eyes – Necrosis. A spot, about 2x2 inches on my back. A gaping opening offering a beautiful view of the muscles that laid beneath my skin. My stomach turned and I puked for a while. ''You’ve got to be kidding me – I AM rotting alive?!? ''As the pain began to strengthen I went to my small collection of pills and chugged down half a dozen of painkillers and caffeine pills. I couldn’t shut down the game and I couldn’t make breaks in between. I had to stay awake and concentrated.

<p class="MsoNormal"> I sat down again and began to venture. It was pretty easy, as the difficulty setting was still available and I had set it to the lowest possible level. Every now and then Superbia would speak to me. Sometimes mumbling, sometimes screaming. She more or less went through all the 5 stages of grief. She told me, that she wouldn’t feel much pain anyways due to her state and that it wasn’t my fault. Then she screamed and raged at me. Trying to make me let her go by calling me names or straight mean things. Then she tried to persuade me in shutting down the system, if she would show me that she can perfectly take care of herself and wouldn’t need my babysitting. After all of it was of no use she cried again and finally began to get back on her feet. Not literally – I still had to carry her around. She described her feelings and I puzzled together, that without some force leading her, she had some sort of motion sickness that made it impossible to coordinate properly on her own two feet and so we crawled from town to town, from quest to quest. Into hell itself that was called Oblivion and back again. To be honest - aside from the negative stuff, it was...unique. No idea how much time the programmer spent on giving her all the dialogue but we talked and talked for hours. It felt like real communication, similar to Cleverbot, only with multiple choices. She told me many things, private stuff, the kind of stuff you dont tell strangers if someone entrusts you with it. It felt like we became comrades, friends, partners...

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal"> 30th September 2012

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal"> This one is getting blurry as I was awake for more than 3 days by then. I had auditory and visual hallucinations at that point and my whole body felt numb to a degree that it felt like hovering over myself. My necrosis worsened with every hour and soon my body was covered in those openings as my skin was rotting away. All I know is that we spoke a lot. She felt more and more real. We even managed to enchant some stuff with weight-load increase and was able to give us both a set of leather armor, so we wouldn’t have to stay nude. Her enchanting and magic skills still intact, we were able to actually move normally after a while and I wrapped up the storyline as fast as I could. Painkillers barely did their job anymore and the caffeine pills kept me awake but weren’t doing shit against the actual wish to sleep, which became omnipresent and mixed with the excruciating pain.

<p class="MsoNormal"> The sleep deprivation made me feel more paranoid with every second. I felt watched, observed. As if someone stood directly behind me and followed every key I pressed. A while later I began to hear things. Female voices, as they spoke to each other, giggling from time to time, happily discussing matters my delusional mind wasn’t able to elaborate. It felt like all those characters I watched over, played with and guided through their worlds were sitting right behind me. Sometimes cheering, sometimes laughing…After a day or two without closing your eyes from more than a blink this is what happens to you.

<p class="MsoNormal"> All I could think of was to see her faint, arrogant smile once more, strong and proud…They say your life flashes before your eyes as your brain tries to get an answer for the impossible question on how to survive. All I could see was me being useless. I have never saved somebody in real life, never was loved by a woman or achieved anything outstanding. She was all I had left, as pathetic as it might sound to anyone who reads this.

<p class="MsoNormal"> Eventually we made it. The main quest was over and done and I returned to the last questmarker – your new room, which is awarded to you for saving the day. On the bed laid the set of armor and some other stuff….as well as one new item that hadn't been there in the vanilla version. It hovered over the bed and looked exactly like an oblivion sigil stone – a melon-sized orb which this time was completely white instead of red. I picked it up. A pop-up came again, written in those damn mixed upper-lower case letters. “ChOoSe” it stated. A dialogue box opened with the orb as conversation partner.

<p class="MsoNormal"> “Who shall be saved from the curse?” – I smiled faintly and on the brim of passing away. I somehow felt that I wasn’t worth it. After all it was her smile that I was trying to see one more time and not my own…I chose her name and somewhere far away, through the veil of pain, medicine, sleep and food deprivation I heard her scream and cry in anger and pain. It felt like she was screaming at me, at the top of her lungs. As I smiled faintly myself, not grasping the irony I looked at her once more beautiful and flawless face as she was restored to her former self. Digital tears were pouring down her cheeks as she was shouting curses at me I cannot remember anymore. The world turned 90° as my character dropped to the floor…after a while I realized, that It was actually me who fell out of his chair. I was so sleepy, my ears had this annoying whistling in them which you get when your blood pressure is too low and in the moments my eyes had closed I could swear that those steps and movement, those voices that I made up came closer. When I turned my head up, leaving the broken glasses on the floor where they smashed and cut my face, I could swear to see dozens of faces smiling at me, warm and kind…

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<p class="MsoNormal"> 4th October 2012

<p class="MsoNormal"> I woke up at the local hospital. They patched me up and after a short coma somehow dragged me back into life. They said that there were no symptoms for an illness that could cause necrosis and all tests were negative. After speaking with one of the doctors he told me, that it would be possible to copy symptoms from a different patient, which theoretically may occur when you are under extreme stress. It would be very rare however and it was more likely that I mixed those pills somehow with something else. I decided not to fight him over the fact that I took those pills to actually kill the pain that was inflicted by my dissolving skin. It really felt as if they had no idea what had caused it. It is fine by me, I didn’t need an answer. As well as to the question as of why my security front door, which I had installed due to high crime rate, was open, so the paramedics could enter. Or who called them at all. The doc says, that I haven’t recovered yet and shouldn’t feel completely save, but that my body was regenerating and those hallucinations I had should leave my mind after a while or at least fade.

<p class="MsoNormal"> The one thing I know is, that when I return home, turn the PC on and start Oblivion, a beautiful faint smile will greet me and I will greet it back with the same.

Written by Kasseopea (talk)