Doctor Mario: Mortician

Summary
A girl gamer borrows a cart while her main cart of Dr. Mario is repaired, but this cart has a very bizarre--and macabre--twist to it.

Main Story
Hi, reader. My name is Phoebe.

I've always loved the older NES games. Sure, I try out other things, while not at college or my part time job, but the old eight bit games just have that charm to them.

And one game I've always loved was Dr. Mario. I've always loved how Mario, dressed as a medical doctor, would wipe out those viruses with his special Mega Vitamins.

One day, my old NES cartridge of Dr. Mario had given up the ghost. I had my old NES repaired, so I went to Vacs 'n' Videos to see if they had a new one in stock, if I couldn't get it fixed.

The clerk said he had a replacement cart for it, and it had the label, but with it was "Mortician" written with Sharpie Marker on it.

"This can be a good replacement while I get this current cart fixed," said the clerk. "Someone else gave me this cart as he was giving away old NES games. Said he wanted to move on in his life.  He just said to just take them for free--didn't want them anymore."

It was an odd tale, yet something told me it was true. As for why "Mortician" was written on the label, at the time, I thought it was little more than a morbid joke.

I took the cart home and turned it on. But the title screen had Mario with glowing eyes, as did the blue virus. The music was the same overall tune, but a lower minor key, and slower. And the word "Mortician" was written under the Dr. Mario logo in the same font as the main menu. Something was really up.

I pressed start on the one-player game, as I was pretty much alone in my apartment. The menu selection music was still the same--but it was the only thing that was the same, music-wise. Instead of the "Fever" and "Chill" music themes, there were "Plague" and "Poison" choices.

"Since when did Mario games get THIS dark?!" I asked.

Since I always liked the cutscenes at the end of certain levels, I didn't bother going Low Speed. I set it to medium first, and set the music to the "Plague" setting.

The "Plague" music setting was a more fast-paced, high minor key version of the "Fever" music. To an extent, that made sense since Plague kind of forced you to seek a cure quickly or face a gruesome--albeit natural--death.

The viruses also looked odd, like they had the bird-like plague masks seen in medieval Europe during the Black Death. Otherwise, the game functioned as normal.

The first few levels played through easily enough, as one would expect, but after clearing the fifth level on Medium Speed, the tree was different. In fact, except for the viruses and whatever floated in the sky, everything was gray scale with a black sky. The tree was a dead tree, some gravestones near the bottom--or at least the white silhouettes of such--and what I can only guess a hangman's noose on one of the branches. Now, I knew later on, when the Gamecube came about, there'd be a gallows in Rougeport in Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door, but this was in the NES era--I didn't think anything THIS macabre would enter an NES game in America, let alone a Mario game. The music was also ominous, like an ominous remix of the usual music played in these cutscenes.

Anyway, normally after clearing Level 5 on Medium Speed, a flapping book would fly across the sky. One book did appear, but it had a pentagram on its side. What was this doing in a Mario game? No way would this be allowed in America back in the day.

The next couple of rounds played, and I was still able to play them well--since normally the speed wouldn't really pick up till much later. But I've had a lot of experience in playing this game, so I could breeze through the first few levels easily before the game really kicks the spurs to things.

Completing Level 10 on Medium Speed brings me again to the dark setting. Normally with this one, a flying chicken would go across the screen. Well, this time, a chicken skeleton--minus the skull and neckbones--flew across. Perhaps the carcass of someone's dinner? Someone was really making a lot of dark humor here in this version of the game.

Starting with Level 11, the game started to get a little trickier, and I had a few close calls in Levels 13 and 14, but was able to save myself with a few clever combos. Level 15 I barely survived with--for lack of a better term--an accidental combo. Sometimes they can happen, you know.

Once again, the hangman's tree showed the three viruses atop it. Clearing Level 15 on Medium Difficulty usually showed a flying spraypaint can--I kid you not. This time, the spraypaint can was lit ablaze, and the flames were blue. I remembered that sulfur burns with a blue flame, so perhaps it's supposed to be hellfire in a can? When did THIS kind of theme enter an early NES Mario game?

Level 16 started, so I had to brace myself--this is kind of the "Last Stand" set of levels.

I was able to beat the level quickly, though it was starting to speed up, since after a while, the level speeds up on its own.

Level 17 was next, and when things got a little too close for comfort, I paused to catch my breath, then quickly made a combo to give me more breathing room. Same went for Level 18 and 19.

When Level 20 came, I thought I was going to lose, but a matching color saved me from a Game Over. I was able to work slowly, and only occasionally get a few lucky combos to clear more viruses. After a few nerve-wracking turns, Level 20 on Medium Speed was complete.

The dark setting returned. Under normal circumstances, one would see a hatched dinosaur ride across in its egg in the sky. This time, though, I saw a large T-Rex skull, and its teeth were tipped red, as if it got lucky to bite a victim. Now, normally, the game would then continue on to Level 21 onward, but instead, it kicked me back to the selection menu.

And weirdly enough, "Low" and "Medium" were x'd out. Only High Speed remained.

So before I got started, I set the music to the "Poison" setting, and then took a deep breath and began to go.

The Poison Music was a low key, slower, techno version of the Chill theme--at least as "techno" as the eight bit era of sound and music could do. And the Viruses looked like a punk music band of sorts.

Again, the first five levels were relatively easy, even WITH high speed, and I was able to clear them quickly.

Level 5 was cleared, and again the macabre tree setting came up. The setting following Level 5 cleared on High Speed was usually a large turtle "swimming" in the air. But in this case, it was a large turtle skeleton--not unlike the Dry Bones in Super Mario 3, albeit in a slightly different art style.

With the high speed levels, the difficulty ramps up early. This truth I knew all too well.

As early as Level 6, I noticed the small but substantial uptick in difficulty, and I really had to keep my eyes open.

Levels 7 and 8 maintained that current speed, albeit with rather more sporatic virus placements.

I finally completed levels 9 and 10, and the dark setting once more emerged.

In the normal game, there would be a flying pig (I can't believe I just said that) using its tail as a propeller. But this time, it was a severed pig's head with an apple in its mouth, with some blood where the neck used to attach. And it was held in the air by the same Devil from the Famicom game "Devil World."

"How did THIS get sneaked in?" I thought. I remembered back in the day Devil World wasn't allowed in the USA due to its censorship rules regarding religious icons.

Level 11 started, and now the game was REALLY kicking the spurs to things. Even more so than back in the Medium Speed setting.

I was able to complete Levels 11 through 15 with sheer luck--some of the combos fell into place by themselves, I swear! And some of those accidental combos even exceeded quadruples, which were feats into themselves when one tries to willfully plan them out by skill.

The dead hangman's tree and dark sky returned. The regular Dr. Mario would have a witch fly by.

There was a witch in this one as well, only this witch looked more like the witch enemy seen in the eighth level of the game Monster Party--and that was published by Bandai, not Nintendo.

The witch dropped some magic dust which stopped just short of the viruses' level, and the letters formed in the same font as the menu and the congratulations screens:

"It won't be long!"

"It won't be long for WHAT?!" I thought. But the sixteenth level was about to start. I just HAD to find out what was going on!

Level 16 started, and NOW I could see some deliberate shapes forming. The virus made a shape of a skull. While it was creepy, it did make it a bit easier to set up the vitamins. Being as quick-thinking as possible, I was able to clear it before things got too hectic.

Level 17 was up next, and the virus made the shape of a tombstone, with gaps making the letters "RIP". Again, while it was creepy, it did give me some possibilities for a few combos to make things easier.

Level 18 showed what looked like a casket, similar to the coffins seen in the backgrounds of some of the Castlevania levels, with a gap forming a cross shape--it was one of the few times crosses were NOT censored under Nintendo's guidelines. But I admit, the capsules I were getting were making it harder to clear viruses correctly. Nevertheless, a few lucky combos kicked in to save me from a Game Over. But nothing could prepare me for what came next.

As Level 19 started, the game froze for a bit, and some of the checkerboard background fell, revealing what look like a blue flame pattern. Likewise, the viruses made a sort of flames in a fireplace pattern. I also noticed Mario showing a sadistic look, despite the eight-bit limitations.

"Is this hell?!" I thought. "No, it can't be!"

I soon returned my attention to the game, and started placing capsules in any free spots I could. One point, I thought I was going to Game Over, but a lucky drop cleared the gaps, and I was able to resume virus clearing. It wasn't long till the final stage.

Level 20 showed the face of the Devil from Devil World in viruses, with other viruses filling in the "backdrop". Things were really hectic. I almost panicked at one point, but a lucky drop cleared that gap again. I played--and prayed--and soon, after one last pill drop, I cleared the final stage.

The congratulatory screen appeared one last time. Under normal circumstances, the real ending from beating Level 20 on High Speed showed a spaceship beaming up the viruses. But this time, it was a large Grim Reaper, its appearance not unlike the Reaper enemy from Kid Icarus.

The Grim Reaper spoke in text: "It's time to come home, children."

Without any beam, the viruses levitated up toward the Reaper, and the Reaper vanished in a tiled disappearing animation. Then the whole thing just reverted back to the Title Screen--no Level 21 or anything.

After I turned the NES off, I got the phone call from Vacs 'n' Videos, and they said they repaired my regular Dr. Mario cart.

I went back and got the cart, returning the cart I borrowed and paid the fee.

Before leaving, I asked him:

"Do you remember who gave you this cart?"

The man said, "Your guess is as good as mine! He said he had to get rid of the old games, because of a traumatic event of his overbearing, over-religious father.  He gave me some of those games not long after his dad's death, and after purchasing an old SNES and a few carts, he just left."

I have heard of some parents calling video games "devil's inventions", but they just didn't know better. Still, it makes me wonder what that man did to the other carts he gave away--did he mess with the carts before giving them up? If so, I shudder to think of the effects they'd have on anyone who plays them--even worse if it were a young child playing them.

This just goes to show that if something doesn't look right, for heaven's sake, SAY SOMETHING!!!