Talk:The Tragedy of my Son/@comment-25021327-20150825125554

I actaully quite liked this one :) It's a neat idea executed pretty well. Some elements are a little far fetched, but presented in a way that I was mostly accepting of them, which gave this one a nice sense of believability. It's a creative concept that I think worked well when tied into the Haunted Gaming genre.

There were some things that felt odd to me, the initial pronunciation notes for the names at the beginning seemed a little unnecesarry to me, but might help others. The fact that it happened so early on got me thinking a little less of the story, but luckily I read on and the pasta quickly had me engaged.

Another bit that felt kind of silly (not bad, just silly) was the classic villains-explain-the-plan-to-the-captured-hero part. I know that this is pretty much the only way to concretely explain everything that has been happening, and I was glad that there were portions of the plot that the narrator figured out himself (the dual heat-sinks, tube and fan system). This is such a widely used tool that I just had to smirk a little reading the James Bond-esque explanation of the evil plan. Didnt really adversely affect the story for me, but took me out a little. Also the esape seemed a little odd, with him using his feet, and bending all the way up to his bound hands to pass the knife. Must do a lot of yoga =3

Turning this into a will/suicide note was a good way to avoid the trap of having a dead man tell a story. Something which doesn't really bother me, but sees to bug a lot of readers. The pacing here felt pretty consistent, and picked up at appropriate times. Some readers might not like the long-ish setup, but I think it helps develop the characters a little.

So I liked reading this one, the format is a little odd with the large bold lettering, but I guess that's not too big an issue. the spelling and grammar here were in good shape too. Pretty good descriptions as well. Nice work, I'm glad I gave this one a read :)