Remove the Need

“Its so dark... why is it so dark?” The first thought that came to my mind wasn't even a scared or confused one, just a simple question asked to the other parts of my brain as I opened my eyes. They could of been closed for all the good it did me. I struggled to remember what I was doing here... but my mind turned up blank. “Hello?” I asked nervously to the darkness, both hoping for an answer and for silence at the same time. I was a coward, as my friends always told me. Friends? I.. can't remember any of their names. This is when I truly started to panic. I jumped to my feet, only to have a jolt of pain flow through my body, forcing me back down. How badly was I injured? Why can't I remember anything? What is this place? I tried again to rise to my feet. This time I managed to stay upright, despite the pulsing pain flowing through me. I tried to look around, but all there was around me was blackness. I called out again, this time begging for an answer. I got no response. “Damn it! You really got yourself into a mess this time..” I stopped before finishing my outburst, and instead let out a scream of pure terror. I couldn't even remember my name!

The next few minutes consisted of me alternating between screams and crying. I couldn't see any way out of this place, I was probably trapped here and wouldn't be able to escape, and I don't even have any memories, minus for a few barely existing patches... like the fact I had friends.

Just when I was about to go back to screaming from a bout of crying, suddenly everything turned white instead of black. This shocked me out of my depression, and by reflex covered my eyes with my arm. I slowly lowered my arm away from my face, and I saw a beam of light in the middle of all of the darkness. Hoping it was some way out, I sprinted for it, hoping to get this nightmare over with... for it had to be a nightmare, right?

I stepped into the light... and nothing. Nothing seemed to happen. I let out another yell of frustration. Now this place was mocking me with false hope! If only I had someone here with me, one of my friends, maybe Thomas... Wait, Thomas? A spark of hope came to me. I could remember one of my friend's names at least! I tried to remember more about this Thomas, to give me something to hold onto. He was black, with curly hair. I considered him one of my best friends, despite his bad habit of smoking weed, which I kept quiet about. He didn't want it to become public knowledge.

I clung to these sudden returning memories, as they were my only lifeline in this place. Something that could eventually help me to remember who I was, and what I was doing in this place. I started to worry that maybe this was what being dead was like. Blackness and the occasional patch of light, with almost no memories of your former life... I hoped not. This would be the cruelest afterlife possible. Another patch of light appeared in the distance. I sprinted for it, and much as I expected, when I set foot in it, nothing happened. Yet more memories came back to me. I had another friend, named Mathew. I couldn't remember much about him, except that he was Thomas's best friend. I was disappointed at how little came back to me compared to the last time.

Another light appeared, but this time, it was a shade of blue. Staring at it, I had the sudden urge to ignore it. The fact it is a different colour from the other patches of light means it could be different... it has to be, otherwise, why would it be blue instead of plain white? Still, my desperation to find a way out and to get more memories back won over. Instead of running, I walked to it. Each step made me feel more and more worried about what I would find when I stepped into the light. Finally, I reached it, and relief came over me as nothing happened. I could remember more, but they weren't anything horrible like I imagined. I remembered playing video games with Mathew and Thomas. We had such a good time. Nothing else, just that one good memory.

Another blue light appeared. Thinking blue must mean good, I walked to it. As soon as I stepped one tiny foot into it, I let out a scream and retreated. The memory that came back to me was far from nice. It was just a image of... something. It looked like a person, except... it had a cruel smile on its face. Its facial features were distorted... it was hard to describe. Imagine every feature on a person's face rotated at random angles, and distorted into barely recognizable shapes... and it still wouldn't be close to what this thing looked like. The only... 'normal' part of the face was the smile... that godawful smile....

I tried to force the image out of my head. Nothing could be worse than having to see that face. Yet it wouldn't leave my thoughts. It just wouldn't leave. I screamed and cried and screamed... but it just wouldn't leave me alone. “PLEASE, JUST GO AWAY. PLEASE! ILL DO ANYTHING, JUST GET OUT OF MY HEAD!” I shouted. It was nonsense, nothing else I said did anything, and this was just one of my memories coming back to me... but just as I said that, the image left. And another light appeared in the distance. This one glowed a Purple hue. From what I had saw the last time I stepped into a light... I didn't want to approach it. I stood still... and the horrible image came back into my thoughts. I screamed... and realized if I didn't approach that light, it would stay with me. Some sick bastard was messing with me or something, and forcing me to play this little game of his. So I sprinted towards the light. It was far. Farther away than any of the others were, and I couldn't wait until I reached it, to rid this horrible face from my thoughts... The face was better than what I remembered then. It was better when I didn't remember anything... I screamed and screamed and screamed. I couldn't handle what thoughts occurred to me then... I was a sick bastard. The things I had done were... I couldn't even begin to describe how bad they were. The most bearable one was the memory of what I did to my good friend Thomas. For FUN... for a twisted sick idea of FUN... I told his secret drug addiction to Mathew. The two argued and argued and argued... and I sat there laughing inside. How could I have done this to my friends... the friends I had fun with? WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME?!....

I fell to the ground, begging for even the face to return and rid me of these memories, but it did not. I don't know how long I was there for... just crying and screaming and shouting and begging and all sorts of sounds a human being shouldn't be able to make... when all of the lights disappeared. Even in my suffering, I looked up and around wondering what sick thing would happen next... even though god knows I deserved it after the things I done. Two lights, smaller than the others, appeared in front of me. Both of them were white. I approached them recklessly, wanting nothing more than to rid these horrible thoughts from my mind... The lights were shining on two objects. One was a rock, the other, a knife. A note lay next to the knife. “Will you deliver justice, or remove the need?”. Remove the need? Deliver Justice? It took me a while to realize what it meant. I had to make a choice...

I was a coward, and I always will be. Instead of doing the right thing... the thing that would of delivered the Justice I so deserved for what I have done... I grabbed the rock. I looked up, saying two words... “I'm sorry....” and brought it down onto my head. There is no need to Deliver justice, if you remove the need.