Talk:Funniermouth/@comment-25021327-20140616040126

Well, let's see... I'm going to try to be consructive here. The main problem I have with this pasta is that it doesn't really need to be written. The premise of the Funnymouth story doesn't necessarily require any continuation, and it doesn't benefit from one.

Another major problem is that the dialogue and characters ad situations all seem very forced, and cliche'd. The whole revenge for my brother thing has been done a lot before, and the same could be said about the "No one believes me, but I was right all along" aspect. The theme of being obsessed with a creepypasta and then the creepypasta comes true is a really tough sell for readers.

You briefly touched on the narrator's mental and emotional issues, but never really brought it back. aybe there's something there to be explored. Re-Hashing the story and format with a few added bits really doesn't make one want to keep reading. Also the part where the brother was in the basement all along really didn't make much sense, and was tough to swallow.

So I'm sorry if that all sounded discouraging, I think you should try your hand at writing something totally original and see how that goes for you.