Talk:Joseph's Legacy/@comment-24400536-20140830083439

First thing's first, good job on categories but you forgot to sign it at the end, just becofre Republic comes and bugs you about it an all that. But now to your review.

A good story to read when you're freaked out about your nightmares, it took the edge off for me so I thank you for that.

As for the story, I'll begin with the title......Your character is Joshua, so why did you name it Joseph's Legacy? I'd surmise is to signify who your character thought he was possibly, like Joseph's Legacy was this shield from his own life by taking on the image of a friend he once had named Joseph. But I could be entirely wrong and it's a typo or just an in joke I'm not quite sure meh lol

The introduction seemed quite promising; and then you revealed that this Joshua kid was similar to your main character, and then I figured out the plot. Overall I think you could've been more ambigous about how Joshua shared so many similarities with the main character, you did quite a good job otherwise with that; EVERYONE had th efirst gen games when they were kids and everyone got into it- you could totally have a random special ed kid be really hardcore into it.

As it moved on I felt like I was just waiting for the payoff, like when is he going to be revealed and such, but then you gave me the Legacy, which I applaud it's out of the box characterist of being a truly underused form of document considering it's a fleshed out game proposal. I found it to be a good exposition on Joshua's mindframe.

Once you started having the main character unravelling everything by seeking Joshua out, discovering the DS, then I found out that the lead up was entering cliched territory. He finds the guy's stuff in his house and he does really nothing about it except head into bed where of course he awakes to find his nightmare at the foot fo his best and locked in equal strength. then you beat him into a bloody pulp even more cliche.

Then the payoff, the ultimate end of the story, the illusion is broken and instead of a dead stalker we have nothing but a man in his parent's basement making a ruckus at 3 am (much like how I was bugging my friends because of nightmares) not fully aware he was Joshua the dickbag who never amounted to anything but had a supreme love of pokemon. Who hated who he was to such an extent he made another personality and turned himself into a villain. Then he crawls back into bed now depressed that he has figured out he's just a horrible person after all and he was never anything different. Not a cliche from where I'm standing but telegraphed so far up in the story the punch didn't quite hit home.

All told it's a fine story, but not a truly captivating one that smashes you in your open mouth with the ending while your jaw is hanging from suspense. I'm not one to talk about such things, I basically did the exact same thing in my own story lol but this was pretty good so I'll give it 6/10. It's got all the story components and is a good enough read but it doens't have suspense, it's climax has been overdone, and the payoff while enjoyable was comparably weak. Hope you enjoyed a kitten's review, and sorry if I sound harsh meow. =^Y^=