Talk:The Cold Lead Killer/@comment-25021327-20140614131657

I think you have something here with the idea, but the execution needs work. The narrative seems to abruptly just from 1st person to 3rd, If it's a recollection of a video diary, maybe keep it in third person, and be more descriptive for the reader.

Help us get to know the narrator a little better, and slow down the pacing. Although the story is easy enough to follow, It makes little sense in its current form. Maybe come back to it at some point and give it a bit of an overhaul. Keep writing, and just as importantly, keep reading :)