Talk:A One, Are You?/@comment-7706473-20140605122421

First off, the bad - this story could definitely use several breaks in formatting. As it is, the top of the story is full of paragraphs that are a bit straining on the eyes, making the last section of the story - well-paced, sentance-wise - feel a little bit ungainly. There are some areas that seem a bit off grammatically or spelling-wise, but in a manner kind of similar to me, so I'm actually a little partial to them. Nevertheless, you'll probably want to touch them up at some point.

There are some moments where the protaganist is more laughable then scary, and their woes seem hilarious and hyperbolic. On the other hand - they add well to the good, and what I really like about this pasta, though I'll like it either way.

Reading the ending as I do, the protaganist is lonely. So terribly lonely they make up an elaborate fiction while they order themselves a gone to get commit highly dramatized suicide (or possibly homicide). The end result is that even in this fiction they create - no one cares about their fiction, their ruse, or their death. It's so ridiculous that they embrace a fictional character and extend it so that the fiction embraces them back - in a violent, self-punishing way.

On the other hand, assuming that the ending is real and not a delusion of the blood-loss and shock-addled protaganist is fine too.

I enjoyed this despite it's flaws, which definitely need looking into - but, eh, heck. I really liked it, so keep it up, pal!

A chrysanthemum, for great friendship that brings bounteous rewards.