Talk:Arethius/@comment-24240632-20131024220322

Arethius should keep writing!

Description: 9.8/10 - Probably the best part of this pasta is the way you've written it! I've tried something similar to this in the past, but ultimately flunked it, however you've seemed to find a way to make this, "Diary of a Psychopath," thing feel so realistic! From the choice of slang terms, to saying how hard it was for him to make friends you just did a great job at making it all feel so real, which very few pastas are capable of! There was one kink in the rope here, however the way how he keeps saying that she's misunderstood like he is, would imply that he understands, and feels empathy for her. You could argue that he always had empathy for her, and he just didn't want to admit it, but if that were so I believe he would try and stay away from her. That might just be my gut saying, "It could've been better if he did have mixed feelings about her," but it was just something that bothered me a little bit. There were a handful of grammatical errors like, but nothing that's going to lower the score. Outstanding job!

Plot: 9.0/10 - As I said before your choice of words were great, and they really set the mood of the overall story. The way you describe the character is great, but you unfortunately you failed to make me feel for the main character. You did however make me feel for the side charcter, Ariel and when she died I actually felt for her. You also did a great job with pacing. Through about half the story you're waiting for, Arethius to do something awful, but instead the bullies do something horrible and you get a second to breathe before you realise, Arethius doesn't take crap from anyone! Great job!

Entertainment: 9.7/10 - It was slow at the beginning, but soon you get to learn about the main character, Arethius and gain a false feeling that he's going to do something so I guess you could call it, "False entertainment," but even if it is false it was very enjoyable!

Overall: 9.7/10 - Outstanding.

"Something to rival, Hanging Gardens and pummel competition. You won't regret reading this!"

- Marcus