Starfox 64 Green Cartridge

Presented and read in video format with some tasteful editing skills, enjoy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrA4Bi0lnGE&t=122

Text Version:

When I was a kid, I found a box, and it had a cool character on it. It was a Star Fox, and I said, "Gee, let me open this box and see what this fox is all about". To my surprise, the game also came with a rumble pack - batteries not included. I took the cartridge home and I started to notice a strange green smoke emanating from the cartridge. I thought to myself "Wow, that's strange", but I decided to ignore it and just check out what the game had to offer. After going upstairs and stealing some batteries from my mom's alarm clock, I brought them downstairs and put the game in the N64 to boot it up. When it started I heard a voice say "Good Luck", and I thought "Wow that was weird. It sounded like the super Nintendo voice but it's on the N64. What's up with that?". Then I started the game. All the Starfox characters were there: Peppy, Slippy, Falco, and my favoirte, Fox McCloud. What I liked to do, was take a sharpie marker and draw shades on him on the TV so it looked like James McCloud, his dad, but then after I drew the shades, something weird started to happen. All of the Starfox characters started to look up at the N64 logo. I moved it around the screen and their eyes followed, but then their eyes stopped following the logo even as it kept moving.

The eyes slowly turned to me and the lights in the room started flickering on and off while the cartridge started billowing more and more green smoke. The rumble pack started shaking violently, shaking so hard that the vibrations traveled up my body to my teeth and me teeth started falling out. The eyes on all the characters turned to red and I thought "Wow this is creepy, I probably should call for help", but instead I pressed start and the game began. The Corneria theme started playing in the background and I was excited, but the green smoke coming from the cartridge started filling up the room, went up my nose, and I started to choke. For some reason my tongue turned green and fell out of my mouth. Then all of Cornera turned to blood red. The sea turned to red and the sky was red and orange.

I got to the part where you have to save Falco from the enemies that were chasing him, but I couldn't hit the boost in time. They got Falco. I saw it with my own eyes. His Arwing spiraled out of control, crashing into the side of the mountain with a big explosion. There was no recovery or repair for him - He was just straight dead, and for the whole rest of the game, there was no Falco. When I approached the end of the Cornera level, it still let me take the secret path even though Falco had died. Strange music started playing, it was the Starfox theme but backwards. When I got to the end, it wasn't the boss you would usually fight at the end of the level - It was a strange boy, dressed in green clothes. I couldn't tell who it was because he was facing the other way as he descended down from the top of the screen, but then he slowly rotated 180 degrees and simply said one very small phrase, "You shouldn't have done that".

It was at that time that the game exploded into a million shards of green plastic that shot into my chest, eyes, and face. I screamed for my mother but she was upstairs and was so mad that she couldn't tell time because I stole the batteries from her clock, that she couldn't be bothered to come and save me. I pressed C-right on the controller to ask Peppy for help, but all he could say was to "DO A BARREL ROLL". I trusted him, so I jumped off the bed and rolled around on the floor, but that only pushed the shards of the game cartridge deeper into my skin. The green smoke from the cartridge became a liquid that flowed out of the system like a fountain. It started to form a pool on the floor and splashed like acid on my skin, which started to dissolve my flesh.

I clawed my way over to the phone and dialed 911 for assistance, but i couldn't say anything because my tongue and teeth had fallen out so all the operator could hear on the other side was my screaming. They also heard a sound from the game, it was Slippy saying "Enemy shield analyzed!". I saw in the corner of the room, it was Ben from Ben Drowned creepypasta and his hand outstretched to me. It extended 10 feet long, grabbed my leg, and dragged me across the shards and acid on the floor. He pulled me into the N64 and the cartridge reassembled itself in the system with my soul inside it.

If you ever see a green Starfox 64 cartridge - DON'T PLAY IT, or you may just end up with a fate like mine.

- RetroRoulette