Talk:Re-Tooning/@comment-25021327-20150612004248

Sorry, I kept meaning to review this. Don;t get too disouraged if your stories don;t get a ton of attention. It can take a while for some stories to get noticed, there's really no shame in asking people to read and review your pastas either, the worst they can do is say no.

Anyway, this one felt pretty solid, if a little standard to me. There is a lot of setup here, the bulk of the story is reinforcing the facts that this is a cheery game, but regular users keep quitting for some reason. We're left to wonder what could be so upsetting that it made people stop playing and not even talk about their experiences. I'm not sure the final reveal was able to meet the expecctations built up from the hype.

Although what is described at the end is out of line with the tone of the game, and it is described in a realistic way (No buckets of blood, etc) It didn;t seem traumatizing enough that so many folks would stop playing over it, and never mention it again. It's a neat idea and fits pretty well with the tone of the story.

Aside from that, the writing is pretty well done, the descriptions are executed competantly (although not being familiat with the game, I'm not sure exactly what most of these things look like) and aside from a few odd wordings here or there, the narrative flows well. The pacing feels consistent, if a little slow at times (Not something I really mind much).

It's neat to see pastas about games that haven;t been touched upon before, and I think that the subject matter is pretty good. I think the execution here was tough to pull off for the reasons I mentioned above. But like I said, this still feels like a pretty solid story :)