Talk:Lost Soul/@comment-11079349-20131226172856

Ok, this was hard to make out, and not that great overall. The man mentioned throughout the story is never identified, the girl is just a random appearance, and the protagonist, for whom we're supposed to feel connected, is a madman that killed people.

As for your spelling, grammar, and sentence fluency, both grammar and sentence fluency are piles of crap, speaking mildly. I can't count the number of times I wondered why there was no puntuation. As for grammar, you need to look up the difference between "there", "their", and "they're" because you used "there" wrong once or twice.

I'm going to assume you posted this directly onto the site without any sort of pre-editing. This is a bad idea. The best you can hope for is not to completely ruin your story with spelling and grammar issues when you just post it. This belongs in a word document for long enough to show you your problems, and also some story editing so it makes some sense, has some atmosphere, or at least answers a couple questions.

Now, if this sounds harsh, that's because it's intended to be. The story might have been a bit better if it had any true continuity or any point. By this, I of course mean that this was rather lame, even for a stand alone story. I'm not trying to say that it can't be fixed, just that it looks like it was written by an eight year-old.

I also see that you put this in the "series" catagory. I don't know if you made a prequel to this, but I hope not. before you even think about making a sequel, you need to fix the many problems of this current piece.

As far as rating goes, I'm going to rate the potential of this piece because if I give you my honest thoughts on the rating as it is, you might just cry. The potential for this piece, if done really well, is about 8/10. You can improve, and I want to see you do just that. That's why I'm harsh, and that's why I even tell you where you went wrong. Harsh as I am, I'm still more helpful than those who just say "OMG you sux".