Talk:Training (A Pokemon Creepypasta)/@comment-8470110-20150608182818

So this was an interesting look at Pokémon. Much like a story posted earlier last week, I can see some potential in this story yet the execution here is unfortunately rather poor for a few reasons.

The story, I feel, starts off awkwardly and right before what sounds like the climax of a tale. While I've seen some stories pull this off, here it just feels off. Because the story starts off at that point, we have no context on who our character is. Sure we're told as the story continues that he's an abusive trainer but this is a case of what should be "show don't tell". We need cases of what the character did in his past and we need to know why his Pokémon loathe him. Are we supposed to support the main character or hate him as the Pokémon do? Should we feel sympathy for the Pokémon? The reader's position isn't clear because the story isn't clear. It starts and then it's over just as fast.

As for grammar and spelling, there were only a few times where there were inconsistencies where "he" and "she" were used in the same sentence to describe one character or small spelling errors such as "MewTwo" when it should be "Mewtwo". These are very minor, mind you, but they should be edited for a smoother read.

As a result of the criticisms above, this story is simply okay for me. It feels clunky, awkward and the reader isn't given enough information to properly follow the narrative. What this story needs is more detail prior to the battle at Mt. Silver. Perhaps some flashbacks of the main character's journey and how he came across his Pokémon or why he's so harsh on his companions. It'd be nice to have more clairvoyance from the story so there aren't times where the reader is confused as to what happened.

Regardless as to what I've stated, there is potential to this story. I can see it being a good one but it just needs more care put into the moments before so we get the whole picture. If you need any assistance, don't hesitate to ask myself or any other NUA or Admin for it. We'll help as soon as we can. Welcome to the site and bst of luck!

Rating: 4/10

-Cameron (Sshakenbakee)